Why I have chosen Purity:

Why I have chosen Purity:

I got an inspiration to write this when my colleague told me a story of a girl whose boyfriend left her after 6 months of dating, reason is because she chose not to have sex with him until they are married. And most of us, just like this now heartbroken girl, which I believe she shouldn’t even be, I mean such a man isn’t even worth it… are mocked. We are made to feel that our choice is outdated, old-fashioned. We are subjected to humiliation. We are shamed. It is just as scriptures teach us:

The message of the cross is foolish to those who are headed for destruction! But we who are being saved know it is the very power of God. As the Scriptures say, “I will destroy the wisdom of the wise and discard the intelligence of the intelligent.” 1 Corinthians 1:18-19.

Purity is about more than just maintaining your virginity. We can maintain our virginity and still not enter marriage with true purity. 

Purity of mind; I am a firm believer that purity starts in the mind. What we meditate on eventually determines our actions. Pornography alters the way men view women. It devalues women, turning them into objects to be used for sexual gratification. When I met my boyfriend, one of the first questions I asked him was whether he watches porn? I mean he is a Christian, a godly man; it’s obvious he doesn’t but I wanted to be sure, of course he was so surprised that I was asking him such a question, so sweetie, you now know why I asked. I watch a lot of movies and Tv and it bothers this wonderful man, but even with these many movies, series…etc I am very selective of the dramas and shows to watch, I avoid those with sexual themes. I choose to think on things that are lovely, noble, pure, right, excellent and praiseworthy (Philippians 4:8). I choose to fill my mind with things that keep me in relationship with God. I choose purity of mind.

Purity of body; So many people ask how far they can go physically without sinning. That’s the wrong question. My sisters, instead set boundaries that will give plenty of margin, knowing that if you get close to that boundary you still won’t fall. My favorite person, Mr. JN, has been the king of setting boundaries in our relationship, he leads me and it makes it much easier for me, he is stronger in faith than I am, so I trust his lead. So my dears, can you keep your feet on the ground at all times when you spend time together? You have the answer to that…What is acceptable in a relationship comes down to a decision you two make together, a decision that must be respected by both of you. Whatever boundary you choose, make sure that it gives you plenty of margin. If you think you are standing strong, be careful (1 Corinthians 10:12).

Purity of spirit; Are you seeking God? Are you striving to know him better each day? Do you spend time in his word and in prayer regularly? Are you asking him to guide you, to give you strength? He promises us that his strength is made perfect in our weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9). He tells us that the pure in heart will see God (Matthew 5:8). Make sure that your heart is turned toward God. Perhaps you are reading this and thinking it’s too late for me. No love, its never too late, you can start today, confess and seek his forgiveness and He will throw your sins as far as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12) I did the same, and I am sure He remembers my sins no more! When he looks at me, he sees a pure woman, covered by the blood of Jesus. He has restored my virginity in his eyes! Have you confessed your sins? Have you asked forgiveness? Then your sins have been forgiven. You have been washed white as snow. He has given you a new virginity certificate.

Why have I chosen purity?

The obvious answer is because I am a Christian, and I want to please God. God tells us that our bodies are his temple and we should not defile them (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). It tells us that there should be no hint of sexual immorality (Ephesians 5:3). It tells us that the marriage bed should be undefiled (Hebrews 13:4)

But, outside of because God said so, why do I choose purity?

I am not an object: I believe that I am a valued woman, worthy of respect and honor. I believe that God created me in his image, that I am a child of the King. I believe that I deserve to be treated as a princess.

There are so many men out there treating women as objects using them for their gratification, their own selfish desires. They want sex, but they don’t want commitment. They want women to meet their needs, but then walk away when someone else more desirable comes along. (I’m sure the same can be said for women; I am simply coming from woman’s point of view.)

Having sex with multiple partners cheapens sex. Sex is meant to bond a married couple, to give them something that they share together—exclusively. If I am out having sex with different men, what is going to make my relationship with my husband any different than the relationship I have with any other man I have dated? I choose long-term satisfaction, long-term intimacy, over immediate gratification.

People who value purity as singles are more likely to value purity in marriage. Yesterday I blogged about how great my parents marriage was, yeah it was until adultery stepped in. My father was a Saint, besides Jesus, he is one of the greatest men I know, but unlike Jesus, he wasn’t perfect, through a push and encouragement from his friends, he committed adultery and it led him to an early grave. (RIP Dad…) I do not know if I will ever recover from that pain and this has had a great impact on me up to today…have struggled with trust as well because of this, even in my relationships, despite the fact that I was never serious about any of the men I dated in the past, have always made sure I am the only girl they are seeing, a cheating man; I just cannot deal... But even if adultery robbed me of my dearest daddy, I learned to guard myself against anyone especially friends that think it’s okay to have casual sex... Dating married men? I will unfriend. Enjoy indulging in porn? I’m out. Make sexual jokes? Not around me. Comment about my appearance? I will walk away.

I have learned that a focus on true purity is an essential quality in a mate. There are no guarantees in life; we are all human and are all vulnerable to falling if we aren’t guarding ourselves. But, those who put a high value on sexual purity before marriage are more likely to continue valuing purity as the years pass.

It’s my body, and it’s my choice. Purity is my choice. Purity is about deciding what is good for me and what is not. Purity is about me being in control of my body. No one has a right to make that decision, except me. And no one has a right to judge my choices about what I will or will not do with my body.

I know most of you are screaming, does this woman know what she is saying, Yes my dear, I do, I know that temptation is Real but do not let it define you… so what do you battle? Memories from the past? Urges to act out sexually? No matter what horrible thoughts come into your mind, they do not have to define you. You can't control what enters your mind, but you can control what stays there.

What happens when you have sexual thoughts and desires? Where does your mind go? Typically, it will venture into one of two unhealthy directions: 1) Nurturing the desire or 2) Nurturing shame and condemnation. Neither of these is biblical nor life giving.

1 Corinthians 10:13 is perhaps the most practical teaching on temptation: "No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it."

We can learn three things from this verse:

1. It is normal to be tempted. Even Jesus was tempted.
2. God will always provide a way of escape.
3. You must choose the way of escape.

Instead of going down the path of sin or self-condemnation, kick out the thought. You might even say to yourself out loud, "That's not who I am. That's not what I choose to think."

Are you repeatedly reminded of pornographic images from the past, you do not have to be defined by those. At times you may have to kick out those thoughts 10 times in the course of five minutes. That's OK. Keep kicking!

When we allow temptation or past failings to define us, we deny the power of Christ to make us "new creatures." Romans 6 reminds us that we were once slaves to sin. By the power of the Spirit, we now have the ability to choose righteousness.

And Ladies, just so we are clear, it takes TWO people to be on the SAME page. Amos 3:3 says that how can TWO people walk together unless they agree?? It's not enough for one person to want purity & the other person to want sex. If you are a Maureen, descent Christian lady and your boyfriend is a Farouk, Guess what, he's going to make you stumble sis. Let him go because it's much easier to pull you off the chair than it is to pull you up onto it. And again, 2 Corinthians 6:14 is very clear, Do not be yoked with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?

Do not ignore this wisdom; I do not want to see you living in regret my dear sister.