Your marriage will join you body and soul to another human. Your marriage will determine the father of your children. It can strengthen or hinder your effectiveness for God. It can bring you a lifetime of joy or leave you miserable.
The real questions are: “Are we ready to care for, sacrifice for and love him through good times and bad?” And “Do you believe you will glorify God more as a couple than as an individual?” And “Are you ready for forever?” Many people are unhappily married because they failed to ask the important questions. The season of courtship is the time to be wide awake, with your eyes wide open.
Is your relationship centered on God and his glory?
Is Jesus Christ the Lord of both your hearts. A happy marriage is founded on mutual love for and submission to Him. Are you obedient to his word? Are you striving to find your soul satisfaction in God? If you aren't, you’ll enter marriage with the false expectation that it will fulfill and complete you. You’ll put unrealistic demands on your man by asking him to play a role only Christ can fill.
Are you growing in friendship, communication, fellowship and romance?
Friendship: do you enjoy being together? Apart from your romantic feelings, do you have a solid foundation of friendship? Are there activities and interests that draw you together? If you were the same sex, do you think you would be friends?
Communication: have you grown in your ability to hear and understand each other? Every relationship will have room for improvement, the question is, do you see growth?
Fellowship: do you talk about spiritual things? Do you pray together? Do you love God more today as a result of your relationship?
Romance: are you growing in romantic desire for each other? Are your affections increasing?
Are you clear on biblical roles as a woman?
Do you have a biblical conviction about what it means to be a godly woman. Are you in agreement about the role of a wife? Is he a man that you would respect, submit to, and love. The bible assigns a wife two primary responsibilities: to respect and submit to her husband (Ephesians 5:22-24; Colossians 3:18) these two responsibilities are closely linked. If you respect your husband, submitting to him will be a joy, if you don't respect him, submitting to him will be burdensome.
Are other people supportive of your relationship?
Good counsel helps you carefully and prayerfully think through the decision. It sorts out whether your main reasons for marrying are self-centered, or if you know how to commit yourself to love someone else. Good counsel helps you identify potential problem areas and work on them now.
Is sexual desire playing too big(or too small) a part in your decision?
Sex is obviously a very important part of marriage, but remember that it can't make up for weaknesses in other parts of a relationship. While sexual desire shouldn't play too big a part, it shouldn't be too small, either. It's important that you are sexually attracted to your spouse. We shouldn't try to be more spiritual than God and marry someone we aren't excited about going to bed with.
Do you have a track record of solving problems biblically? Wrong patterns in your relationship doesn't necessarily mean that you should end it, but you need to be cautious and seek to change. Good marriages are not devoid of conflict. What is important is that both of you are committed to resolving problems according to God’s Word. Solving problems biblically means knowing how to bring up ad talk through difficult issues. It means being willing to ask for forgiveness for your contribution to the problem, no matter what the other person has done. Don't move ahead unless you see progress in this part of your relationship.
Are you heading in the same direction in life?
When the bible speaks of marriage, it speaks of leaving and cleaving. Leaving means you are no longer tied to the direction set by your parents and your single life. Cleaving means you choose to move in the same direction as your spouse. Amos says, “Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?” (Amos 3:3). Have you talked about what leaving and cleaving will mean if you get married? Now is the time to discuss how you envision your shared life. Are you in agreement about lifestyle issues life religious beliefs and practise, children, church involvement, and money?
Have you taken into account any cultural differences you have?
Patiently talk through the issues with those that are especially opposed to the relationship. It's important to carefully think through the implications for your future.
Do you have complicating entanglements from past relationships?
We live in a time when many people bring the consquences of past relationships into the present. You should be committed to dealing with these issues on God’s terms.
Do you want to marry this person?
You should really ask yourself, “Do I want to marry this person?” and “Does this person want to marry me?” Getting married is your choice. You are the one who will affirm vows and say “I do.” No one and no “leading” can constraint or compel you to make these vows. Read 1Corinthians 7:25-40. Remember your saying yes to a person, not to “the man you hope he will become” Ask yourself “Am I willing to accept this person as he is? Do i want this person? Make sure that you are not coming into marriage with a hidden agenda, expecting to change the other person once you are married. Are you saying yes to a real person, with weaknesses as well as strengths, sins as well as gifts?
I pray that you’ll have courage and willing to stand by what God has shown you about the relationship you’r e in. Don't let pressure from others, fear of being alone, or a craving for marriage lead you to take a foolish decision. Trust God’s guidance and be courageous. And it doesn't matter if your coming from a broken family, your mother was the other woman, divorced parents and may think your marriage will fail as well, that's simply not true. By God’s grace, you can overcome your past and your own sinful tendencies and build a successful marriage.
If you’ve honestly answered the important questions and God’s Spirit is giving you peace about pursuing marriage don't let fear hold you back.
If he proposes, say yes!
Live courageously!
When you know in your heart that you’ve found the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, forever can't start soon enough.
God is crazy about you and I am praying for you.
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