Why I'M 29 & still Single: the Ugly Truth

Why I’m 29 & Still Single: the Ugly Truth

July  
Why do I SAY I’m still single?

 “Because I’m too fabulous to settle.”

 “Because I’m waiting for God to bring me the right man.”

 “Because there are still things I’m meant to accomplish as a single woman!”

The truth is…I don’t know exactly why I’m still single. I think I’m starting to come to a better understanding of why…but for the moment; it’s still just shadowed and blurry truth that I’m struggling to make sense of. But the reasons I often convince myself why I’m still single aren’t pretty.

Clearly, some of you, myself and most of my friends are single because they choose to be. They are simply not interested in being in a serious relationship at this time in their life. Others are single due to the circumstances of their lives. They may have just gotten out of a meaningful relationship or have dated relentlessly and just haven't found someone with whom they're truly compatible.

These could be the reasons why am 29 and still single:

     Protecting my heart from more heart breaks:

Most of us have had our own share of heart breaks and with time and all the painful experiences, we all build up varying degrees of bitterness and decide to defend our hearts no matter what, so personally have become increasingly self-protective and closed off. So I often write people off. A guy I related with for just 3 weeks texted me this morning as I was writing this post, calling me names, a lioness and a very harsh woman, i chose to ignore his texts and calls... but I choose to be that because I do not what to give myself and end up heartbroken and I am sure most of you agree with.

I also know of people that their being single is because of their upbringing for example, some were raised by parents or caretakers who were negligent or cold, so they grow up feeling distrusting of affection. They feel suspicious of people who show "too much" interest in them and instead seek out relationships that recreate dynamics from their past. It’s the reason most choose partners who are always cold or distant.

      Pickiness:

Being self-protective has left me feeling pickier and more judgmental. Most of you do agree that this is true especially after all the bad experiences we have all had. Deceived or rejected by that person we had strong feelings for. Thus the thought, "There are no decent men out there" or "All the good ones are taken."

So I am single because may be I have unrealistic expectations for a partner or I pinpoint weaknesses from the moment I meet someone. So because of this I tend to write off a range of potential partners before even giving them a chance.

      Fear of Competition:

The fear of competition often comes from low self-esteem and I am one of the most confident women you will ever meet but again, we all have our insecurities. It's easy to put ourselves down in relation to others, especially when it comes to dating. When we meet someone we like, it's all too easy to think, "He/she could do better." When we see that someone else is interested in the person we like, we may be quick to back away. We may feel unwilling to compete, particularly as we get older, and we start to have self-attacks like "You're time has passed, you're too old for this." Our fears of competition can lead us to avoid putting ourselves out there. We may be afraid of looking like a fool or of not being chosen. 

We may even have fears about winning the competition, thinking we will "hurt the other person's feelings" or that our success will result in aggression from the loser. The simple truth is: dating is competitive. It is scary to take a chance and go for what we want and compete, but when we do, we most often find it is well worth it to face our fears. We end up with a stronger sense of self, and we increase our chances of creating a relationship with the partner we really desire.

Are any of you afraid of competition like I am; now you know why you still single.

      

      

      Rule-making:

As years pass, we often develop rule-books for ourselves regarding dating. In effect, we put what we have learned "down on paper," but what looks good on paper doesn't always work in real life. When we act on rules based on our past, we can create a perpetual cycle of disappointing relationships.

Staying open is one of the most important things we can do when looking for a loving partner. Yes, we might get hurt but when we stop taking risks, we reduce our chances of meeting someone we could really have a future with. 

Relationship rules tend to go hand-in-hand with game-playing. They can lead us to act with less sincerity and authenticity, to close ourselves off from how we feel. On the other hand, staying open and honest will lead us to find a much more authentic and substantial relationship.

Are there any 29 year olds like me that are still single? Feel free to use the comment section below to voice your own fears, share your story, agree, disagree, scream, yell, cry…whatever you need to do.

Love,
Winnie