Loosening my Grip: A lesson in giving up the Control I never thought I would:

Loosening my Grip: A lesson in giving up the Control I never thought I would:

I am a control freak, I am also a very selfish person, but my recent experience has however taught me that I do not have to be. When you lose something important or a loved one, because of being overly controlling and selfish, you will understand why it is important to let go of control, of course it should be for those that are worth it, not every Tom, Dick and Hurry.

There is a huge cost associated with being controlling, I didn’t care and had also never given much thought about my controlling character till it cost me my favorite person, a man I loved. I know it’s supposed to hurt, it does when I think about it but have decided not to and also not to whack myself about it, but instead work on getting rid of my controlling problem. This negative impact is not only on us and our well-being, but also on those we love, the people we work with, and everyone around us. It may have cost me my favorite person but here are some of the other biggest costs: Joy, Peace, Freedom, Energy, Creativity, Support, Ease, connection and love...etc

In this short time, since that misfortune, I have learnt that things go much more smoothly when I give up control when I allow them to happen instead of making them happen. Unfortunately, I’m terrible at this. But I am doing my very best to change and its working, taking it one step at a time. I do not want to use up my energy anymore trying to plan, predict, and prevent things that I cannot possibly plan, predict, or prevent. I have decided to let go of control (living in the future) and embrace the present moment.

As a recovering control freak, there are three (3) things I know for sure about trying to control things and this is because of:

• Fear - We worry that things won’t turn out, we will get hurt, bad things will happen, etc.
• Unworthiness - We don’t feel as though we deserve support, help, or for things to go our way.
• Lack of trust - We’re scared to let go, count on others, and to believe that things will be okay without us managing every aspect of the situation, relationship, conversation, etc.

Here are some ways I am practicing to let go of control:

1. I designate specific times to eliminate distractions and just be. I usually wake up at 5am for morning glory (the PowerFm Hour of Prayer) and after taking my shower and preparing for work I sit and sip on my cup of tea slowly in a quiet room, am lucky that I stay by myself so I am able to do this without destructions.  I allow myself to just be quiet and still. It’s said that in the morning hours, you get to create a peaceful state of mind that can last throughout the day. Instead of starting my day by worrying how the day will go, I try to focus on how pleasant this current moment is: just sitting there, enjoying my morning tea, feeling relaxed and at peace.
2. I do write. Writing is a good form of expression that doesn’t involve planning or outlining. I have my quiet spot at home where I sit and just put my pen to paper and I have learnt not to stop until all the words are out of my head. Usually some of the things I write do not make sense but I do it anyway because I don't want to control it. I just let all the words flow out.
3. I am practicing surrender. We often think that surrendering means giving up our identity or allowing others to rule us. But that doesn't have to be the case. I have learnt that when I surrender, I am saying to the universe that I am comfortable being led in the right direction. I am attracting my most desired outcome by letting go of the need to control it, and instead having faith that it will get done exactly as it needs to be done. Surrender literally means to stop fighting. Stop fighting with yourself. Stop fighting the universe and the natural flow of things. Stop resisting and pushing against reality. It’s not about inaction. It’s about taking action from that place of surrender. Letting go of control and surrendering not only feels better, but actually produces better results.
4. Putting my trust completely in God. For me, this is the most important of all. Prayer, surrendering it all to God is the best and most important thing in whatever situation I find myself in, besides a life worth living is a life with Christ. After all, it is the life each of us was created to live. There is nothing more fulfilling than living inside God’s will! So for me as a Christian, the process does not start with my “plans” or desires. We are called to deny ourselves. Luke 9:23 “And he said to all, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.” Galatians 5:24 “And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh, with its passions and desires.”  Yikes! That sounds hard! But don’t worry. It doesn’t end there. When we commit our lives to Christ, and let Him take control, He not only reveals to us the things we should “let go” of, but He is with us every step of the way. Matthew 28:20 says “And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.”  One of the reasons I am not as broken as I thought I would be is because have learnt to Let Go and let God.

So my friends, how controlling are you? Would you consider yourself very controlling, moderately controlling or not controlling at all? While each of us falls somewhere along the continuum of control and for some of us this is a bigger issue than it is others, but for most of the people I know and work with, control is an issue that gets in our way especially in the most important (and stressful) areas of life.

Letting go of control is about loosening our grip, allowing ourselves to be supported and trusting that things will turn out as they are meant to. Is this easy? Not always, although it can be. However, as we practice this and expand our capacity to let go, we’ll be able to release and transform a good amount of unnecessary stress, worry, and anxiety from our lives, our work and our relationships.

Good Luck