Are you chasing him and don't even know it: Letting the Man Lead

Are you chasing Him and don’t even know it: Letting the Man Lead.

If you think you’re just being “friendly” by sending him flirty texts, you could be getting in the way of the kind of courtship you desire. Yes you have fallen for that guy and maybe he likes you back so you trying hard to show him you’re interested so that he doesn’t drift away. As a result, you’re doing some of these things;

1.  Calling him to invite him to a social event you read about on Facebook or heard about from a friend or colleague at work.
2. Calling to ask why he hasn’t called you.
3. Texting him, Facebooking him, tagging him in all your tweets even the unnecessary ones, dropping by his house, or in any way attempting to initiate some kind of contact.
4. Asking him how he feels – especially asking him how he feels about you or the relationship.
5.  Inviting him to come and join you at that coffee shop, for a movie…etc, in any way acting like the social director of the relationship.

These actions might seem completely harmless and you may think you are just being friendly but it’s very important to be very cautious when reaching out especially to a potential romantic interest especially with the repeated messages. Most men look at these check-ins, invitations, and questions about the relationship as pressure or a woman taking on the role of pursuer. Some men may back off their dating efforts when they sense you are assuming a role they view as tradionally male.

It Pays to Be Patient: I know how frustrating it is to sit back and let a man take the lead. We want a man to know we’re interested in him. We want to make it easy for him to ask us out again. We want to seem enthusiastic and easygoing.  And often times this means we unintentionally chase him in the ways described above. 

It’s true that most men need validation as much as we do.  But there’s a difference between letting a man know you like him and chasing him.  When you chase a man, you don’t give him the chance to show you how he really feels about you.  So the only way to really be sure of where his heart is at is by creating the space he needs to pursue you.

Lure Him, Don’t Chase Him: for a man to feel like he wants to get closer to you, he needs to feel good around you.  And the way he feels good around you is when he pleases you.  As long as you seem happy to see him and tell him how much you enjoy his company, most man will keep coming back for more.  Stay in your feminine energy by being receptive and open to his attention.  When he sees that you are a woman who is secure in herself and doesn’t need to pursue him, he will be encouraged to step up his game so another man doesn’t beat him to the chase.

Once you are in a committed relationship with one man, letting him take the lead and continuing to be receptive to him will fuel his passion for you.  He will adore you and appreciate you, and you will be able to relax in the knowledge that you are a desirable creature he’d be a fool to take for granted.

Men don’t like to be chased or pursued. Instinctively, most men know this is their job in dating. So when you step in, it’s often a turn off. There is no resistance. No wondering if you like him or not. No striving to win you over. When you call him or ask him out early on, you take all the guess work and mystery out of the situation and a man loses interest.

What makes a man get more interested in you? When he gets invested in winning you over! so when you make yourself too available by initiating contact or asking him out, you ruin the magic and eliminate the mystery. Instead of appearing independent and confident, usually you end up looking aggressive, needy or desperate!

When you let a man lead, you can observe what he will do to win you over without your prompts. This is essential to judge his interest level. Does he take three weeks for a second date and more than a week between calls? Or does he ask you for a second date within three days? Obviously the quicker he gets in touch with you and asks you out, the greater interest he is showing. In this case, texting does NOT count.

But, as the woman, if you can’t take the wait or think it’s unnecessary to let him lead, you might make the mistake of calling and asking when you can see him again. Questions like, “Are you busy this weekend?” might slip out of your anxious lips. But experience has taught me that this is a very bad dating strategy.

Yes I know we as women have achieved greater equality in the work place, Most of the Executive Directors in this country are women, we have a woman Speaker of Parliament and maybe, Hillary Clinton will be America’s next President. And Because of this, we often think it’s perfectly fine to chase men. We want to be direct and say what is on our minds, ask a guy out, call him if we want to talk. But unfortunately dating has not caught up with work. Dating is still an ancient mating ritual based in biology. And you can’t take the DNA out of dating.

In my pursuit to understand men, I try to do a lot of reading about them and have found this in every article I read that men have a hunter instinct coded into their DNA and the hunter wants to win. He enjoys setting his sights on a woman and then doing what it takes to win her over. He wants dating you to be his idea. So ladies, yes I know it sucks, but as the woman, if you don’t wait, you can lose big time.

So, PLEASE, promise me you will not try to lead. Sit back and follow the man’s lead. If he calls, call him back. If you had fun, tell him! But do not call him, ask when you can see him again, ask if he’s busy this weekend, or ask him out for eight dates (at least six). 

And Ladies, if a man isn’t following God, he isn’t fit to lead. If he doesn’t have a relationship with God, he won’t know how to have a relationship with you. If he doesn’t know God, he doesn’t know real love…