Waiting Till Marriage... What the Bible Says, How you can do it and Why its worth it:

Waiting Till Marriage: What the Bible says, How you can do and Why its worth it:

A majority of single Christians are rejecting biblical doctrine by choosing to have sex before they are married. Sixty-one percent of self-identified Christian singles who answered a recent Christian Mingle survey said they are willing to have casual sex without being in love, while only 11 percent said they are waiting to have sex until they are married. My Christian sisters and brothers, if that survey were to be carried out and you were among the participants, would you be among the 61% or the 11%.

Why Wait: What the Bible says about Sex before marriage:

In his letter to the Thessalonian Christians Paul reveals God’s will on the issue of sex before marriage to “you in the Lord” I.e. Christians. It is important to realize that this is not limited to a particular culture of time period, because Paul says this is what he received from God who inspired the writing of Scripture (as in 2 Tim 3:16-17 explains), on “how you ought to walk and to please God (1 Thess 4:1)” If you don’t live this way you are living like the people “who do not know God” (vs 5) i.e. unbelievers. So, if a person lives this way, he should not call himself a Christian.

1 Thessalonians 4 Finally, then, brothers, we ask and urge you in the Lord Jesus, that as you received from us how you ought to walk and to please God, just as you are doing, that you do so more and more. ² For you know what instructions we gave you through the Lord Jesus. ³  For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; ⁴  that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, ⁵  not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God; ⁶  that no one transgress and wrong his brother in this matter, because the Lord is an avenger in all these things, as we told you beforehand and solemnly warned you. ⁷ For God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness.

To the Corinthians Paul lists the people who will not inherit the kingdom of God, i.e. those who go to hell. On his list are “sexually immoral” or “fornicators” which is a word meaning people who have sex before marriage! (1 Cor 6:9). This applies to anyone in any era and any culture who engage in sexual activity outside of the marriage covenant. Also 1 Cor 5:8 is a pithy injunction to abstain from all sexual immorality.

The writer to the Hebrews (who believed that sex was only for marriage, so these are not promiscuous pagans he is writing to, but legalistic Jewish converts), he reminds them that sex is limited to marriage:

Heb 13:⁴ let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.

And then of course there is Jesus’ teaching to the Jews was that having sexual desire in your heart (lust) for a woman, who is not your wife, is the same degree of sin as adultery in God’s eyes. If thinking about a woman sexually is sin, then obviously actually having sex with her would be sin.

In summary, there is absolutely no Christian group teaching in history that has held the view that sex outside of the marriage covenant is acceptable to God. Only the most immature and untaught believer could think that, and if he were a true believer he would repent immediately when reading those verses, and would not try to justify the sin in any way.

The way true believers conduct themselves is in purity. The standard for all Christians is that “not even a hint” of sexual immorality be mentioned among us, let alone acted on!

Eph 5:³ But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints. ⁴ Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving. ⁵ For you may be sure of this, that everyone who is sexually immoral or impure, or who is covetous (that is, an idolater), has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God.

On the other hand, sex in marriage is a glorious gift of God, and is to be enjoyed within the bounds of an unbreakable covenant, i.e. after the marriage vows have been made publically and legally ratified. Sex is not a sign of so-called commitment and love, it is a reward of actual legal and covenantal commitment and love.

True Love Waits. You’ve heard it before, and maybe you even signed a pledge card promising that you would “wait” until you were married to have sex. Sounds simple enough, right? But in today’s culture it’s not always as easy as it sounds. The way our society is set up these days, it is regarded as 'normal' to get into bed rather than stay out of it. So to be different from the world, you need to make some strong decisions.

If you’re committed to waiting until you get married to have sex, that's great! However, you probably need to think about how you’re going to do this. While making promises is a brilliant start, practically you may need to change some of your behaviors so that temptation doesn't overtake you.

In our sex-saturated culture, how do you live a life of purity? Here are several key steps:

Pay attention to how you dress. Though dressing modestly isn’t the only aspect of living a pure life, it’s the one people often think of first, and with good reason. The clothes you wear send a message to the people around you. I think most of us feel like, in the name of fashion, we need to show tons of skin. But that’s really hard for our brothers in the Lord. It’s hard for them to keep their minds pure when they see so much skin, we sometimes say that we are waiting (until we are married to have sex), but we are dressing in a way that is completely opposite. I once wore a short dress to church and some sisters stopped me at the church entrance and told me my dress was way too short for church, I defended myself but after getting a second opinion, I knew it was wrong of me going to church in a short dress. Lets dress modestly, it doesn’t mean we sacrificing fashion. And contrary to what some girls think, a lot of guys find this attractive. The girl that dresses modestly, to the right kind of guy, is actually way more attractive because there is more intrigue, you can still dress cute and modest. It’s just a bit more challenging. You have to get more creative.

Be careful what you watch. Living a pure lifestyle also means guarding our minds and hearts, we do this by closely monitoring the things that we watch and listen to. Watching movies that have steamy love scenes or listening to music with questionable lyrics can desensitize us and make immoral things seem “not so bad. All of us are really impacted by what we see and what we listen to, so keeping those standards high is really important but spending daily time in God’s word is also important. As we seek to fill our minds with what God says about these issues, we will be more likely to live out those principles.

Set limits in relationships. When you are in a dating relationship, discuss with your significant other what is appropriate and what is off-limits.

Talk about your plans to wait until marriage together. Work out what might be a difficult for you to stay pure - be realistic & pray about your decision. Ask others to pray for you too.

Pursue a vibrant relationship with God. All of these areas are really an outgrowth of a close relationship with God, Maintaining a vibrant relationship with the Lord is the most crucial factor in living a life of purity. If I know my Daddy, God, my Papa, is looking out for me and wants my best and He says that purity is important, then I’m going to wait. If I want to please Him with my life and waiting is the way to do it, then that’s going to be the biggest motivation because I don’t want a cloud of sin to come in between me and God. It also boils down to a matter of trust, We can trust that God’s way is the best way for us, or we can choose to trust that what the world  tells us is best. I think when we know that God loves us and He’s got the best plans for us, then we will want to live His way. I think it’s when we doubt the heart of God and doubt His love for us that we have a really hard time with living His way.

Purity and chastity seem to be virtues that have gone out of fashion. The crisis of values ​​has led many young people to see sex as the center of their dating relationship. Sexually active men are considered "winners" and women "experienced," while someone who saves him or herself in chastity is taken to be a prude, sexually incapable, or repressed by the Church. However, the reality is completely the opposite.

Here are the reasons why waiting to have sex is actually good for your relationship:

It promotes good communication in dating. When a couple practices abstinence, their communication is good because they are not just focused on pleasure but on the joy of sharing their views and experiences; and their conversations are deeper. While others may argue that physical intimacy is an easy way to relate, it overshadows other forms of communication. It is a way of avoiding the real work involved in emotional intimacy, like talking about deep personal issues and working on the basic differences between the two of you.

The friendship in your relationship grows. Physical closeness can lead you to think you are emotionally close, when in fact you are not. A romantic relationship essentially consists in cultivating a friendship, and there is no friendship without conversation and shared interests. Personal conversation creates friendships and helps us to discover one another and get to know the other’s qualities and flaws.

You feel more free to question whether you should continue the relationship. Sexual relationships have the power to strongly unite two people, and can prolong an unhealthy relationship based on physical attraction or the need for security. A person may feel "trapped" in a relationship that they would like to end, but they can’t find their way out.  A person who is not having sex can more easily break the emotional bond to the other, because there has not been such powerful intimacy on the physical level.

It encourages generosity instead of selfishness. Sexual relations in dating can lead to selfishness and a focus on self-satisfaction. They can lead people to feel like they are competing with others whom their partner may find more attractive. It fosters insecurity and selfishness, because when you get sexually intimate, the tendency is to ask for more and more.

It increases other ways to show affection. The couple who practices abstinence finds new ways to show affection; they must use inventiveness to have a good time and to demonstrate their interest in each other. The relationship becomes stronger as they have more opportunities to get to know each other’s character and habits, and learn the ways to maintain the relationship.

The couple is more likely to succeed in marriage. Research has shown that couples who have cohabited are more likely to divorce than those who have not cohabited.

To the Singles, Let’s not compromise sexually, let’s stay pure, make wise choices about guarding our hearts, avoiding the mere appearance of sin, and certainly abstaining from sexual intimacy before marriage.

Sure, you've already had sex, but you can begin waiting today. And maybe sexual sin is something you've struggled with for a long time and don't think you can just stop. So how about taking a first step and asking for God's help? Are you willing to do that? 

And so until you're married, God wants you to pursue and love Him, and to honor and love your current girlfriend and your future spouse by waiting to have sex until you're married.