Setting Boundaries in your Relationship

Setting Boundaries in your Relationship:

I am quite sure we have all been in those relationships that move so quickly, you end up crossing some lines physically even though you very well know what your doing is not pleasing to God. Being Christians we have the desire and intent to keep our relationships pure but we fail due to one thing: lack of boundaries. Those “walls” we all need to keep us on track and to practice self-control in our relationships.

All a boundary does is help you to avoid those settings and situations that are going to lure you into temptation and “break down the walls” of self control. “Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self-control…”  (Proverbs 25:28)

Some will argue that boundaries stifle romance, but I don’t think so. They instead help keep the romance alive in a healthy and holy way that honors God in the process. God’s blessings and abundant fruits rest on the relationship that seeks to remain pure until God brings them to the marriage bed.

Who sets the physical boundaries in a dating relationship?

The man needs to bring this up and the earlier the better. It may not be a huge red flag if he doesn’t initiate the conversation, but it may mean he is not ready to lead you spiritually. Give him grace, but if you have to keep initiating every single boundary conversation = red flag. If he doesn’t bring up important topics now, will he in marriage?

The Bible helps us answer this question the best. In the book of Solomon, Solomon’s wife describes their relationship, “His left hand is under my head, and his right hand embraces me! I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles of the field, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases.” (Song of Songs 2:6-7).

Our boyfriends need to protect us from impurity. We don’t want to awaken love before marriage.

And When Do We Set Them?

The time to set boundaries in your dating relationship is before it starts. Determine the standards by which you are willing to live your life and set boundaries around them. Two key boundaries you should set in Christian dating are ensuring you stay true to your faith and avoid engaging in premarital sex. However it’s not enough to just have Christian dating boundaries, you must also adhere to them.

If two people decide to enter into a dating relationship and are committed to upholding God’s standard of holiness, setting up boundaries is absolutely key. Without them, well good luck, for our flesh is weak!

 Some examples of good boundaries to set might be:

• No laying down on a bed together.
• Keep the lights on when watching a movie.
• No heavy petting or removal of clothing.
• Holding hands, hugs and kissing tolerable.
• Spending nights at each other’s place, shouldn’t be on the table.

Limiting sex in your dating phase actually opens the door to the following benefits:

• Allows you to get to know a person on a new and deeper level.
• Forces you to be more creative in deciding how to spend time together.
• Encourages you to incorporate family and friends in a greater way.
• Fosters mutual respect between both of you, as you both seek to help one another uphold your values before God.
• Helps to maintain an element of mystery in the relationship, knowing that certain things should be reserved for a life-long marriage commitment.

God has given us His Spirit to help us overcome even the greatest temptations. As Paul writes to Timothy, “For God has not given us the spirit of timidity; but of power, and of love, and of self-discipline” (2 Timothy 1:7). When we exercise self-discipline by setting boundaries and choose to delay sexual gratification out of obedience to God and respect for our boyfriends, blessings will surely come in the most unexpected ways.

Boundaries shouldn’t be viewed as a “mood killer”, but a holy booster, paving the way for God’s goodness, favor and grace to bloom and blossom in your dating relationship.

It is never too late to have a talk about boundaries or change your boundaries. If the Holy Spirit is convicting you about something, you have to listen.

Good Luck!