The Best Way To Respond To Silent Treatment

The Best Way To Respond To Silent Treatment

If the person you love is giving you the silent treatment, you may feel at a loss about how to get him to respond to you. Perhaps you did something that genuinely hurt his feelings but have since apologized. Maybe you don't even know why he is ignoring you, but you feel the need to find out.

The silent treatment or "stonewalling" refers to someone who is letting you know that something is wrong without telling you why. If you ask if anything is wrong, you are met with silence. There is no explanation, no response of any kind, only stony silence.

People who give the silent treatment fear conflict. Talking over issues represents confrontation, the very thing they want to avoid. By prolonging the silent treatment, they've discovered they can escape the confrontation. Better still, they can regain control and probably get an apology while they're at it. Their end goal is to restore things to the way they were.

Sometimes people can’t express their thoughts or feelings, so they clam up. Other times their emotions – anger, hurt, fear – are so strong that they simply can’t talk. Sometimes people feel that they aren’t a match for their partner verbally, so they shut down.

Why do you think your partner uses the silent treatment in your relationship? Understanding the reasons behind his behavior can help you move forward in your relationship.

Let’s start with some four common examples of silent treatment (there are more):

1. When the abuser (and make no mistake–the silent treatment is a form of abuse) gives you the cold-shoulder and refuses to speak to you for a period of time because you refuse to give-in to his demands. This is manipulating you with silence.
2.  When he gives you the cold-shoulder and refuses to speak to you because you’ve said/done something that bothers them and will not accept any reasonably sincere apology.
3. When he gives you the cold-shoulder and refuses to speak to you because you’ve said/done something that bothers him and will not even tell you what it is that you’ve said or done, leaving you powerless to make an apology. This is punishing and dis-empowering you with silence.
4. When he completely ignores what you’ve said, changing the subject or just staying silent to a question or statement that generally requires a response. This is dis-empowering you and “one-upping” you with silence.

What is the best way to respond to Silent Treatment?

Focus on yourself! If someone is not speaking to you as a passive aggressive way of hurting you, the best thing for you to do is to take really good care of yourself. Do things that are good for you, and keep your focus off of the other person and their behavior.

I also recommend you do the following things when someone is giving you the silent treatment:

• Move ahead with your own life. Do the things that are important to you, especially the things that make you feel good.

• Do not give the same "treatment" back to them. That's right, I do not suggest that you ignore them just because they're ignoring you. While your attention to them will certainly be less than usual, just be kind and courteous to them.

• Think kind thoughts of them in your mind. Every time you think of the person who has shut you out, send them love and appreciation, focusing on their very best qualities.

• Remember that they wouldn't be doing this if they didn't feel hurt or afraid in some way. Be kind in your mind.

Remember, when you give your partner the silent treatment, it makes it easier for Satan to influence you separately. The silent treatment is the loudest invitation for Satan in your relationship/marriage. Keep talking. #Together4Ever