Staying grounded when life is falling apart:

Staying grounded when life is falling apart:

We have all at one time experienced a period of sadness; some people get over it with a little time, but for others, the sadness continues. If you are caught in a prolonged period of sadness, you may recognize one or more of the signs that often accompany depression: a growing distrust of God, resentment of others, difficulty making decisions, guilt, inactivity, sleeplessness or oversleeping, not eating or overeating, doubting, complaining, worrying, and hopelessness, as though you're in an inescapable pit. I have been here before, I battled depression, it’s a dark place. But as desperate as everything may look, there are real reasons for hope. God loves you. And He wants to fill you with joy, peace, fulfillment and so much more.

Today, Jesus says to you, “Come into me all you that labor and are heavy-laden, and I’ll give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28)

What He’s really saying is that when you’re feeling stressed out and overwhelmed, and when you’re feeling downcast and like you can’t go on another day that we can go to Him. Jesus says, “I’ll give you rest. Do life with me. That’ll bring rest to your soul.” 

What do you do when everything seems to be falling apart?

Do not try to do life alone: surround yourself with positive people who support and encourage you. Ditch the nay sayers: those who remind you about what went wrong, those who don’t support your choices and decisions, those who advise through fear. True friends are those available when you need them, those who will stick around for the long haul, no matter what.

Keep Moving: Low tides come in our lives and leave us stunned, broken, and hopeless. But that doesn’t mean that we must stop living our life and become inert. Even if you stop, life won’t stop for you, it will go on. Just remember that after every low tide, there’s a high tide as well, you just have to keep moving. Take one step at a time, follow your routine, set goals for yourself, and steer clear from negativity. Go out and have some fun and just do something exciting. Don’t wrap yourself in your sorrows or you will drown in them. Keep moving with the tide. Bear in mind, if you keep moving, this phase will pass away, and one day you will realize your life is not falling apart anymore. Instead, everything that happened happened for a reason.

Cry your Heart Out – Release Your Emotions: Some people choose to put on a brave face and decide to face the storms in life without a tear, while others may resort to shedding tears to relieve the pain within. Some of my friends actually think I am a rock, yes I am a very strong woman, some have never seen me cry but I do cry, though I do it behind closed doors. Being strong is an admirable trait. But sometimes, it becomes essential to cry your heart out to give freedom to the bottled up emotions and to release the negativity from your thoughts. To some of you that think that crying is a sign of weakness, well it’s not, instead it is a mark of staying strong for too long. Guys, it’s also very okay for you to cry too, crying will help to heal your wounds and dull your pain. Ultimately it will give you the power to attain closure, get over your grief faster, and move forward.

Be Grateful: While things may look bleak right now, not everything might be going wrong. There will be things that are going right. When life takes a turn for the worse, we become negative about everything and end up forgetting what we have been blessed with. This ungratefulness will not take you anywhere. You have to take charge of your life and learn to show gratitude. Think about it, you’ve been blessed with so much in life. Be grateful for what you have been blessed with, and don’t take those blessings lightly.  Gratitude will heal your soul and relieve the pain of life’s wounds.

 

“Choosing to be positive and having a grateful attitude is going to determine how you’re going to live your life.” – Joel Osteen

Learn and grow from your struggles.  God allows you to experience challenging circumstances so you can learn to love and trust Him in deeper ways, and so you can grow more mature, developing a strong character to become more like Jesus.  Keep in mind that God is more interested in your lasting holiness than your temporary happiness, because holiness will help you learn to choose what's best for you.  Going through a hard time with my favorite person has helped me grow. Sometimes it takes a struggle for us to grow into the people God wants us to become. Ask God to help you see your struggles from His perspective.  Let your struggles teach you whatever God wants you to learn from them.  As you deal with the difficulties in your life, stay focused on what matters most - eternal values - so you can grow into a stronger person in the process.

Read Inspirational articles and listen to Pastor Joel Osteen Podcasts: I know Ugandans do not love to read, but if you read inspirational articles and books, they will motivate you to stay positive. You will see that everyone goes through rough patches but that they do make it through. It will be worth it in the end. One thing that my favorite person does each time he feels down, is listen to Pastor Joel Osteen podcasts, I do the same, you can get them online, Christian book stores in town, or on Power Fm (104.1) daily at 2:30pm, they are very helpful and will motivate you to stay positive.

Read these Bible Verses:  they will help you for Keep Faith in weakness. The LORD is my light and my salvation–whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life–of whom shall I be afraid? (Psalm 27:1) Look to the LORD and his strength; seek his face always. (Psalm 105:4) So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10) So keep up your courage, men, for I have faith in God that it will happen just as he told me. (Acts 27:25) But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:9-10) Be on guard. Stand firm in the faith. Be courageous. Be strong. (1 Corinthians 16:13) The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. (Psalm 23)

Hang in there. This will pass and you will soon be experiencing your new, more positive life.

Setting Boundaries in your Relationship

Setting Boundaries in your Relationship:

I am quite sure we have all been in those relationships that move so quickly, you end up crossing some lines physically even though you very well know what your doing is not pleasing to God. Being Christians we have the desire and intent to keep our relationships pure but we fail due to one thing: lack of boundaries. Those “walls” we all need to keep us on track and to practice self-control in our relationships.

All a boundary does is help you to avoid those settings and situations that are going to lure you into temptation and “break down the walls” of self control. “Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self-control…”  (Proverbs 25:28)

Some will argue that boundaries stifle romance, but I don’t think so. They instead help keep the romance alive in a healthy and holy way that honors God in the process. God’s blessings and abundant fruits rest on the relationship that seeks to remain pure until God brings them to the marriage bed.

Who sets the physical boundaries in a dating relationship?

The man needs to bring this up and the earlier the better. It may not be a huge red flag if he doesn’t initiate the conversation, but it may mean he is not ready to lead you spiritually. Give him grace, but if you have to keep initiating every single boundary conversation = red flag. If he doesn’t bring up important topics now, will he in marriage?

The Bible helps us answer this question the best. In the book of Solomon, Solomon’s wife describes their relationship, “His left hand is under my head, and his right hand embraces me! I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles of the field, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases.” (Song of Songs 2:6-7).

Our boyfriends need to protect us from impurity. We don’t want to awaken love before marriage.

And When Do We Set Them?

The time to set boundaries in your dating relationship is before it starts. Determine the standards by which you are willing to live your life and set boundaries around them. Two key boundaries you should set in Christian dating are ensuring you stay true to your faith and avoid engaging in premarital sex. However it’s not enough to just have Christian dating boundaries, you must also adhere to them.

If two people decide to enter into a dating relationship and are committed to upholding God’s standard of holiness, setting up boundaries is absolutely key. Without them, well good luck, for our flesh is weak!

 Some examples of good boundaries to set might be:

• No laying down on a bed together.
• Keep the lights on when watching a movie.
• No heavy petting or removal of clothing.
• Holding hands, hugs and kissing tolerable.
• Spending nights at each other’s place, shouldn’t be on the table.

Limiting sex in your dating phase actually opens the door to the following benefits:

• Allows you to get to know a person on a new and deeper level.
• Forces you to be more creative in deciding how to spend time together.
• Encourages you to incorporate family and friends in a greater way.
• Fosters mutual respect between both of you, as you both seek to help one another uphold your values before God.
• Helps to maintain an element of mystery in the relationship, knowing that certain things should be reserved for a life-long marriage commitment.

God has given us His Spirit to help us overcome even the greatest temptations. As Paul writes to Timothy, “For God has not given us the spirit of timidity; but of power, and of love, and of self-discipline” (2 Timothy 1:7). When we exercise self-discipline by setting boundaries and choose to delay sexual gratification out of obedience to God and respect for our boyfriends, blessings will surely come in the most unexpected ways.

Boundaries shouldn’t be viewed as a “mood killer”, but a holy booster, paving the way for God’s goodness, favor and grace to bloom and blossom in your dating relationship.

It is never too late to have a talk about boundaries or change your boundaries. If the Holy Spirit is convicting you about something, you have to listen.

Good Luck!

5 Signs He Might be Mr. Right:

5 Signs He Might be Mr. Right:

You’ve been dating a special someone for a while now and you’re wondering where the relationship is going. Are you really in love with this person? Is this person really in love with you? Love is a beautiful thing, but how do you know when you’ve found the real deal? Before you start picking out your wedding dress and scouting bridesmaids, make sure that He’s the one.

Here are 5 Signs You May Have Found Mr. Right:

He’s an answer to your prayer: The first thing we should do is pray on it. It’s not enough to just desire a relationship. God should be in agreement with us. Trust me; we’ve all had our share of Mr. Wrongs all dressed up like Mr. Right. You know when you want a husband so bad that you’re determined to leave no stone unturned. Trying every possible course of action instead of praying. Talking to your friends and family about it, but not to God. Sis, the enemy is hearing. So I say to you…Have you prayed about it as much as you have talked about it? 

The relationship won’t turn you away from Christ: Are you are idolizing that relationship you are in? Are you allowing him to control your relationship with Christ? You’re not going to church just because he doesn’t feel like it and prefer spending time with him than being in church, cell or your bible study group. The right relationship won’t distract you from God. It will bring you closer to Him. 

You share the same core beliefs: Opposites attract, it’s true. But there are certain things that a couple should be in agreement about. Your mate should share the same values, morals, and beliefs as you. Hopefully, this is someone you can see yourself marrying. You want someone who will encourage and instill the same values in your children.

He shares the same passion for Christ as you. You’re not unequally yoked. When it comes to your relationship, God is first. He respects your morals and values and doesn’t try to force or encourage you to stray away from them.

The relationship won’t contradict God’s word: Separated is still married.  “In a relationship” is still off limits. Don’t cheat yourself by being #2, #3, or anything besides #1. If the relationship is meant to be, it won’t contradict God’s word and it won’t be complicated. By that, I don’t mean that the two of you won’t have disagreements or that the relationship won’t experience its ups and downs. I can say one thing for sure… God is not the author of confusion. The man He has for you won’t bring drama to your doorstep. He won’t mistreat you, or allow anyone else to mistreat you.

Its pure love: You love this person just for being them. Nothing more, nothing less. It’s not about how much money they have, what they can do for you, or the fact that the two of you have so much in common. You genuinely love this person…flaws and all, unconditionally. Through the good times and the bad times. Through the ups and downs. Through thick and thin. When you’re with this person, your heart sings. You can’t stop smiling. You aren’t afraid to express your love to him. You trust him, he’s your best friend, and you can totally see yourself being submissive to him. Suddenly the wall that you’ve built around your heart, is slowing coming down. You’re in love!

Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)

The Power of Forgiveness

The Power of Forgiveness:

Does your flesh seem to crawl when you come into contact with certain people? When you hear the sound of their voice, does every fiber of your being cringe? Does your chest tighten when you think of them? Very uncomfortable, right…? It’s also embarrassing as well, why would you let yourself go through this, not worth it at all.

Forgiveness is the act of compassionately releasing the desire to punish someone or yourself for an offense. It’s a state of grace, nothing you can force or pretend. There are no short cuts.

Most of us need time to work through pain and loss, I am not saying it’s a bad thing, we all handle situations differently, I just believe Forgiveness shouldn’t be postponed, it’s not something you have to think about for months, I believe postponement only robs you of your peace and happiness. Forgiveness will not make your anger dissolve but it will give  you freedom; it liberates you from negativity and lets you move forward.

Struggling to Forgive:

How do you forgive someone who was never supposed to hurt you in the first place? Why forgive them? What about all the damage to your relationship? The best answer is you MUST; forgiveness was extended to you. Jesus said in Matthew 6:14-15, "If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins." If you refuse to forgive, you operate in sin and in covenant with Satan.

You are battling with unforgiveness because you cannot see your own sin. Most people battle unforgiveness because they choose to see the spec in the eye of the person that hurt them ignoring the log in their own eye. Unforgiveness is a work of the flesh, and it will remain until you crucify it on the altar of forgiveness.

Forgiveness becomes a struggle when we seek to please our flesh. We struggle because the Holy Spirit demands that we be like Christ. God is as displeased with unforgiveness as he is with sexual sins, deception, lying, and envy. We must remember that any sin either of us could commit, Jesus paid for at Calvary. Who gave us the right to make our loved ones pay for sin when we did not?

People who have a hard time forgiving others, usually have a hard time forgiving themselves. There are three things that reveal the depth of our relationship with God: The way we love people, the way we accept people and the way we forgive people. When we refuse to forgive another person, we put that person, and ourselves, in bondage to our unforgiveness

Many people see forgiveness as something that weak people do. But forgiveness doesn’t make you weak, it actually makes you stronger! Anyone can hold a grudge, but it takes strong faith to forgive someone who has wronged you. Jesus definitely wasn’t weak and in his last dying moments, He forgave the criminals being crucified with Him on the cross, as well as those who were crucifying Him (Luke 23:32-43).

Our goal as Christ followers is ultimately to be like Christ. He forgave us of our sins even though we were undeserving of it, so if we are to be like Him, we are to forgive others too.

Lack of forgiveness blocks access to the kingdom and to miracle power:

Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you; leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift (Matthew 5:23-24).

For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins (Matthew 6:14-15).

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt" (Matthew 18:21-25).

And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins (Mark 11:25).

Forgive them to the point where you actually feel yourself cleansed of resentment and bitterness and are actually praying for them. If you do not, the lack of forgiveness will make it impossible for God to forgive you. Every miracle depends 100 percent on your relationship to God the Father. That relationship is built strictly on the strength of His forgiveness of your sin.

Martin Luther King once said, “Forgiveness is not an occasional act; it is a permanent attitude.” 

God instructs us to forgive others. He really does have our best interests when asking us to do things that are difficult. So if you are holding unforgiveness towards anybody, I encourage you to remind yourself of the benefits of letting that issue go and giving it up to God and ask Him for His help and strength to do so. It may be one of the hardest things you will do in your life, but it may also likely be one of the most rewarding!

Always remember, God loves that person that hurt you as much as He loves you. Forgiveness is more of a Christ-like act than even serving in the church or a ministry because it is how we, as Christians, represent Jesus to the world. Just remember, as a Christian, you are already forgiven by God, through the sacrifice of His Son. We can only learn the power of forgiveness by doing it. And no one can do it for us; Jesus forgives us so we must forgive others.

Why I have chosen Purity:

Why I have chosen Purity:

I got an inspiration to write this when my colleague told me a story of a girl whose boyfriend left her after 6 months of dating, reason is because she chose not to have sex with him until they are married. And most of us, just like this now heartbroken girl, which I believe she shouldn’t even be, I mean such a man isn’t even worth it… are mocked. We are made to feel that our choice is outdated, old-fashioned. We are subjected to humiliation. We are shamed. It is just as scriptures teach us:

The message of the cross is foolish to those who are headed for destruction! But we who are being saved know it is the very power of God. As the Scriptures say, “I will destroy the wisdom of the wise and discard the intelligence of the intelligent.” 1 Corinthians 1:18-19.

Purity is about more than just maintaining your virginity. We can maintain our virginity and still not enter marriage with true purity. 

Purity of mind; I am a firm believer that purity starts in the mind. What we meditate on eventually determines our actions. Pornography alters the way men view women. It devalues women, turning them into objects to be used for sexual gratification. When I met my boyfriend, one of the first questions I asked him was whether he watches porn? I mean he is a Christian, a godly man; it’s obvious he doesn’t but I wanted to be sure, of course he was so surprised that I was asking him such a question, so sweetie, you now know why I asked. I watch a lot of movies and Tv and it bothers this wonderful man, but even with these many movies, series…etc I am very selective of the dramas and shows to watch, I avoid those with sexual themes. I choose to think on things that are lovely, noble, pure, right, excellent and praiseworthy (Philippians 4:8). I choose to fill my mind with things that keep me in relationship with God. I choose purity of mind.

Purity of body; So many people ask how far they can go physically without sinning. That’s the wrong question. My sisters, instead set boundaries that will give plenty of margin, knowing that if you get close to that boundary you still won’t fall. My favorite person, Mr. JN, has been the king of setting boundaries in our relationship, he leads me and it makes it much easier for me, he is stronger in faith than I am, so I trust his lead. So my dears, can you keep your feet on the ground at all times when you spend time together? You have the answer to that…What is acceptable in a relationship comes down to a decision you two make together, a decision that must be respected by both of you. Whatever boundary you choose, make sure that it gives you plenty of margin. If you think you are standing strong, be careful (1 Corinthians 10:12).

Purity of spirit; Are you seeking God? Are you striving to know him better each day? Do you spend time in his word and in prayer regularly? Are you asking him to guide you, to give you strength? He promises us that his strength is made perfect in our weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9). He tells us that the pure in heart will see God (Matthew 5:8). Make sure that your heart is turned toward God. Perhaps you are reading this and thinking it’s too late for me. No love, its never too late, you can start today, confess and seek his forgiveness and He will throw your sins as far as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12) I did the same, and I am sure He remembers my sins no more! When he looks at me, he sees a pure woman, covered by the blood of Jesus. He has restored my virginity in his eyes! Have you confessed your sins? Have you asked forgiveness? Then your sins have been forgiven. You have been washed white as snow. He has given you a new virginity certificate.

Why have I chosen purity?

The obvious answer is because I am a Christian, and I want to please God. God tells us that our bodies are his temple and we should not defile them (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). It tells us that there should be no hint of sexual immorality (Ephesians 5:3). It tells us that the marriage bed should be undefiled (Hebrews 13:4)

But, outside of because God said so, why do I choose purity?

I am not an object: I believe that I am a valued woman, worthy of respect and honor. I believe that God created me in his image, that I am a child of the King. I believe that I deserve to be treated as a princess.

There are so many men out there treating women as objects using them for their gratification, their own selfish desires. They want sex, but they don’t want commitment. They want women to meet their needs, but then walk away when someone else more desirable comes along. (I’m sure the same can be said for women; I am simply coming from woman’s point of view.)

Having sex with multiple partners cheapens sex. Sex is meant to bond a married couple, to give them something that they share together—exclusively. If I am out having sex with different men, what is going to make my relationship with my husband any different than the relationship I have with any other man I have dated? I choose long-term satisfaction, long-term intimacy, over immediate gratification.

People who value purity as singles are more likely to value purity in marriage. Yesterday I blogged about how great my parents marriage was, yeah it was until adultery stepped in. My father was a Saint, besides Jesus, he is one of the greatest men I know, but unlike Jesus, he wasn’t perfect, through a push and encouragement from his friends, he committed adultery and it led him to an early grave. (RIP Dad…) I do not know if I will ever recover from that pain and this has had a great impact on me up to today…have struggled with trust as well because of this, even in my relationships, despite the fact that I was never serious about any of the men I dated in the past, have always made sure I am the only girl they are seeing, a cheating man; I just cannot deal... But even if adultery robbed me of my dearest daddy, I learned to guard myself against anyone especially friends that think it’s okay to have casual sex... Dating married men? I will unfriend. Enjoy indulging in porn? I’m out. Make sexual jokes? Not around me. Comment about my appearance? I will walk away.

I have learned that a focus on true purity is an essential quality in a mate. There are no guarantees in life; we are all human and are all vulnerable to falling if we aren’t guarding ourselves. But, those who put a high value on sexual purity before marriage are more likely to continue valuing purity as the years pass.

It’s my body, and it’s my choice. Purity is my choice. Purity is about deciding what is good for me and what is not. Purity is about me being in control of my body. No one has a right to make that decision, except me. And no one has a right to judge my choices about what I will or will not do with my body.

I know most of you are screaming, does this woman know what she is saying, Yes my dear, I do, I know that temptation is Real but do not let it define you… so what do you battle? Memories from the past? Urges to act out sexually? No matter what horrible thoughts come into your mind, they do not have to define you. You can't control what enters your mind, but you can control what stays there.

What happens when you have sexual thoughts and desires? Where does your mind go? Typically, it will venture into one of two unhealthy directions: 1) Nurturing the desire or 2) Nurturing shame and condemnation. Neither of these is biblical nor life giving.

1 Corinthians 10:13 is perhaps the most practical teaching on temptation: "No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it."

We can learn three things from this verse:

1. It is normal to be tempted. Even Jesus was tempted.
2. God will always provide a way of escape.
3. You must choose the way of escape.

Instead of going down the path of sin or self-condemnation, kick out the thought. You might even say to yourself out loud, "That's not who I am. That's not what I choose to think."

Are you repeatedly reminded of pornographic images from the past, you do not have to be defined by those. At times you may have to kick out those thoughts 10 times in the course of five minutes. That's OK. Keep kicking!

When we allow temptation or past failings to define us, we deny the power of Christ to make us "new creatures." Romans 6 reminds us that we were once slaves to sin. By the power of the Spirit, we now have the ability to choose righteousness.

And Ladies, just so we are clear, it takes TWO people to be on the SAME page. Amos 3:3 says that how can TWO people walk together unless they agree?? It's not enough for one person to want purity & the other person to want sex. If you are a Maureen, descent Christian lady and your boyfriend is a Farouk, Guess what, he's going to make you stumble sis. Let him go because it's much easier to pull you off the chair than it is to pull you up onto it. And again, 2 Corinthians 6:14 is very clear, Do not be yoked with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?

Do not ignore this wisdom; I do not want to see you living in regret my dear sister.