The undefined Relationship: The Dangers

The undefined Relationship: The Dangers 

Ladies I am sure none of us wants this kind of relationship, the undefined relationship, but why have most us even stayed in them? I will leave that to you to answer…You have an extremely deep connection with this man but he hasn’t put a label to it yet and each time you bring up the “what are we question” he will give you all kinds of excuses and whatever the excuses, do not listen to that bullshit gal and stop enabling him…

Ladies you must not allow a man to “free-style” in any relationship. What I mean by “free-style” is come and go as he pleases even though the relationship is in the beginning stages. If he cannot devote his time to getting to know you without distractions, no pressure but you should probably end things right there.

Here are some of the dangers of this kind of relationship;

You are never quite sure if it’s a relationship or just a hookup.

Why should you put yourself in such a painful predicament, where you have to keep wondering where you stand, what you should say, what’s okay to post on social media or tell your friends and family. Even if whatever arrangement you have, lets imagine it’s your love life is doing well, but you won’t even know if it’s going well if you don’t even know if you can call it a love life. Life is too short ladies to live your life not knowing what’s going. This is the last thing you need on your plate.

You end up assuming you’re always the one in the wrong, who isn’t behaving in accordance with what your relationship is or isn’t.

You’ll wonder if you said the right thing, the wrong thing, if what you did or how you acted is what is keeping him from committing. This isn’t healthy for you girl and again, if you are in a relationship with someone, wouldn’t you want to give your all? You wouldn’t want to kiss with half the passion, would you? I know you’re afraid of scaring this man away, but if they’re into you, they won’t be scared. They shouldn’t be, anyway. And even if they are, if they like you enough, they’ll bridge that fear.

You deserve someone who is willing to commit to you.

You should be in a relationship where there is nothing held back, all in. I’m not advocating for getting engaged the day after you meet if that’s a little too fast for your liking. But you should believe you’re worth it. Don’t settle for calling someone an ex when they were just a maybe. Better yet, don’t call someone a maybe at all. Take the leap and call them yours. And if you end up alone for right now, at least you know you’re not wasting your time on someone who could only love you at half-speed.

The undefined relationship will never work however much you work hard to make it do, so it’s about time you talked to him about having a committed monogamous relationship. Here is how you can go about it…

• Make sure that you’ve reviewed your priorities in life and that a stable, monogamous relationship is what you really need. You are risking the possibility that your partner doesn’t want the same thing, so you need to be sure of yourself before you talk him into one.

• Admit to your partner that you are human, and in order to feel secure in the situation, you have needs that your partner has to acknowledge. Yes, it sucks to admit vulnerability, I know.

• Tell your partner it’s not about labels, it’s about acknowledging each other’s needs and agreeing to take some level of responsibility for them. Ask what risks he or she is afraid of and discuss those fears together. Make it a team effort. Yes, you’re both going to have to admit that you have emotions and communicate them together. It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it.

• After this conversation, you’ll have a much better idea of where you stand. Then you can both make a decision for where to take the relationship rather than staying in this frustrating limbo together. It’s real progress. 

Good luck Ladies…