Thursday, June 23, 2016

My Definition of a Real Man:




Men who choose to pursue manhood and masculinity with all their heart. Men who do not fall into stereotypes, status quo or accept what society would define as a man. These men are not willing to settle and just get by in life. These men are willing to stand up and follow Jesus as the model of true masculinity.

In today’s contemporary society, the definition of a “real man” seems to change almost constantly. We are bombarded with images from the media depicting what a man is supposed to look like, talk like, and act like, often from a worldly perspective. Some say that a “real man” must be physically strong, with large biceps and rippling muscles. Some say that a “real man” does not show emotion and never exposes any weaknesses. Others say that a “real man” is one who never backs down from a fight and will defend his pride at all costs.

Being a Christian, I do not know any other man other than a Christian man, a godly man, so will define a real man from my belief and values as a Christian woman and here are some few examples backed up by the word of God:
Puts God first in everything: There are so many things that scream for men’s attention and devotion: jobs, constant search for money, girlfriends, hobbies—the demands and distractions of life. And some have let these things become more important or more of a priority than their relationship with God. I love a man after God’s own heart, one that loves Christ more than he loves me and I believe a real man gives total control of his life to God, lets Him to have His way in his life; Christ is the center of his existence. Boys, make it your goal to have a deep, intimate relationship with God. Let Him into every area of your life. If you constantly look to other people for answers and validation, pray about this and ask the Lord to help you stop doing that and instead look to Him (1 Thessalonians 2:4) Lean on Him more than anything else, and tell Him, “God, I want to do this, but I can’t do it without You.” He doesn’t expect you to live for Him in your own strength or ability, and He understands when you make mistakes. So if you mess up, don’t be discouraged and let it hold you back; confess it and keep going. God will give you grace to do what you need to do. One day at a time you and God together can do anything! Any godly woman wants this kind of man, the benefits of having this kind of man are way too many, my Christian sisters understand this and that’s my definition of a real man.
Related to the above, I believe a real man must look to the Bible to define his identity as a man and not allow the world’s definition of manhood to dictate how he conducts his life. These worldly influences ultimately lead many men down a path of destruction, as opposed to a fruitful, Godly life men can achieve by walking according to the will of God. In Colossians 2:8, the apostle Paul makes the following exhortation, “See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the basic principles of this world, rather than on Christ.” The word of God makes it clear that Christian men must not be unduly influenced by worldly ideas, whether they come from the media or the larger society. As a Christian man, you might be searching to find your true identity in this world that is full of confusion. We all know that sons achieve much of their identity from their earthly fathers. Likewise, as a child of God, your spiritual identity is found in your Heavenly Father and His Word must be the final authority that defines your manhood and every other area of your life

A real man is man has self control; he is able to control his flesh and keep it under subjection. The Bible frequently talks about the importance of self-control in the life of a believer, particularly the lives of men. In the Apostle Paul’s letter to Titus, Paul instructs Titus to “teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance” (Titus 2:2) and “encourage the young men to be self-controlled; In everything set them an example by doing what is good.” (Titus 2:6). Proverbs 25:28 states, “Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self-control.” Finally, in Galatians 5:26 the Bible cites self-control as one of the “fruits of the Spirit.” Real men know that they must control their fleshly desires instead of being controlled and enslaved by them. As men of God, we must realize that we cannot resist the flesh alone; that is why we must submit ourselves to God and His will. The more a man submits to God, the more self-control will become a part of his life.

A real man will stay pure and will definitely protect your purity: our challenge today as young Christian women in waiting is that men are always trying to get us to lower our standards. Even most Christian men do not seem to fully appreciate a woman’s desire to guard her heart and protect her purity. And one thing I can tell my fellow Christian sisters is if your boyfriend is making you stumble, not protecting your purity, its time you let him go. I believe that the kind of men that are worth waiting for really do exist, and they are looking for a woman who values her purity. A real man will wait patiently until she willingly gives him the prize of her heart, and he will cherish and care for that precious prize forever. But even if real men are hard to find, they do exist, and they are worth waiting for so do not get discouraged on your journey toward inward excellence. A real man will protect your purity and change your last name, so that do not settle for that boy compromising your purity, he is going to disappear and leave you broken. And boys I know some of you desire purity in your future spouse and if you do, how much more do you think she desires purity… in you?  So ladies, give the pen to God to write your love story and do not give your heart to any other man but your husband and you can start honoring him now by staying pure. Have shared some posts on purity on this blog and it’s never too late for you to start. God is in the business of making all things new. All you must do is turn and by His grace, walk a different direction.

A real man walks in integrity. Integrity is the quality or condition of being whole or undivided; completeness. Proverbs 10:9 states, “The man of integrity walks securely, but he who takes crooked paths will be found out.” A man of integrity is a man who can be trusted and his word is his bond. He demonstrates good character even when no one is looking. His actions and his speech demonstrate that he is a person of integrity. We all know that we will never reach perfection in this earthly realm, but it should be the goal of every man to strive to walk in integrity every day, regardless of the situation or circumstance.

Ultimately, a real man is a man who is Christ-like. Jesus is the best example of what a real man is. He always exhibited self-control when confronted with temptation; he walked in integrity at all times during his life on earth, and Jesus was a great lover who spotlessly kept Himself pure for His Bride. 

The goal of every Christian man should be to act more like Jesus instead of imitating the false ideals of manhood presented by the world. The more a man submits his life to Christ, the more he will think and act like a real man!

I am praying for you and God is crazy about you!

Tuesday, June 21, 2016

Waiting for a Christ-Built Man:




It’s surprising how many Christ-focused young women have a difficult time transferring their romance with Jesus into the arena of guys.  We might accept the fact that Jesus Christ is a princely, heroic gentleman who laid down His very life on our behalf.  But when it comes to guys, it’s all too easy to settle for a self-consumed guy who exalts his own wants above honor and nobility; a guy who puts on a Christian mask in order to gain our attention, but underneath he is no different than his secular counterparts. An earthly romance is meant to be an outflow of our Heavenly romance with Christ.  The only way this can happen is for both individuals to be completely consumed with Jesus Christ; to be ruled and operated not by selfish motives, but by His Spirit alone. 

There are lots of “Christian” guys out there; guys who profess Christ but allow self to reign and rule their lives.  Just because a guy is friendly, clean-cut, polite and church-going doesn’t mean that he is a truly godly man worthy of your heart.  All too many young women lower their standards out of desperation – thinking that if they don’t snag the one guy who seems at least somewhat better than the rest, they will end up alone.  But this attitude demonstrates a lack of trust in God’s love for you and perfect plan for your life.  If you give Him the pen and allow Him to script your story, you don’t need to strive or manipulate in order to make a romance happen – He will bring the perfect guy into your life in His own perfect time and way.  He is more interested in this area of your life being beautiful than even you are!

If you settle for less than a man who is fully yielded and surrendered to the King of all kings, you settle for less than God’s best for you.  You may not feel worthy of a noble, gallant, Christ-built Warrior Poet who will lay down his life for you.  But this is exactly what Christ is to you.  And this is exactly what He desires for you in an earthly prince.  If you keep your standards high, you honor Christ.  You acknowledge that you were purchased by the precious blood of Jesus, that you are the daughter of the Most High King, and that you will not cheapen all that Christ has done for you by throwing your pearls to swine. (Matt 7:6)  Christ has made you into royalty.  Do not throw that gift away by giving the treasure of your femininity to a self-serving pig.

How can you tell if a man is truly worthy of your heart?  Here are some practical ways:


First, learn to listen to the voice of Christ’s Spirit within you.  The more you diminish your own selfish voice and tune in to what His Spirit is whispering to your soul, the more you intrinsically sense when God is opening a door, or when He is telling you to be cautious. If you need wisdom about a guy in your life, devote plenty of time to diligent prayer.  The more you pray, the more clear God’s voice will become.  Don’t rush ahead out of impatience.  If there is any doubt in your mind, it is always best to err on the side of caution rather than presumption. If God wants you to take a step forward with a guy, He is perfectly capable of giving complete peace and confidence to your soul.  If there is uncertainty, the best thing to do is to wait and continue to pray until your path becomes clear.  God will not allow you to miss His will if you simply build your life around seeking Him.

Second, spend time observing him “behind the scenes” when no one else seems to be watching.  He might be a wonderful example of Christ when he is in front of his church friends, but what is he like around his family?  How does he treat his younger siblings?  Does he honor his parents?  What is he like around the “unlovable” people – those who can’t do anything for his reputation or popularity?  Does he seek the limelight or is he content to be in the background, ministering to those that everyone else overlooks?  What is the overall direction of his life?  Is he pursuing money, or is he truly pursuing Christ?  Does his “spiritual wisdom” come from hours on his knees alone with God, or merely from what he borrows from the spiritual lives of others?  Is he truly respectful of women and honoring to his future wife, or is he constantly trying to win the affection of girls?  Take some time to quietly observe his behavior (over more than just a day or two!) and allow God’s Spirit to open your eyes to his true nature.

Thirdly, recruit some “teammates” who can observe him along with you.  Often the best teammates are parents or Godly older adults you respect, rather than friends your own age who might just tell you what you want to hear.  Your parents (if they are walking with Christ) have been given a special position in your life by God, and often they have special insight into important decisions such as this one.  If you are willing to humble yourself and submit to their wisdom, God can work through them to give you caution or assurance as you decide whether to move forward in a relationship.  Even if you are an adult and living completely independent of your parents, they can still serve as prayer partners and Godly counselors for this crucial area of your life.  If you are willing to humble yourself enough to listen to their perspective, you will be surprised at how beneficial it can be.

Even if you are mocked, ridiculed, or ignored because you refuse to throw your heart to any guy out there, you can be sure that God will honor your decision.  He paid for the treasure of your heart with His own blood.  You disregard His amazing sacrifice for you when you allow your femininity to be trampled in the mud.  You are a daughter of the King, so hold out for a man who truly reflects the King’s nature, love and light.

I am praying for you and God is crazy about you!


 

Sunday, June 19, 2016

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Thursday, June 16, 2016

Father’s Day without a Dad

 

When I saw their fear, I rose and spoke to the nobles, the officials and the rest of the people: "Do not be afraid of them; remember the Lord who is great and awesome, and fight for your brothers, your sons, your daughters, your wives and your houses." Nehemiah 4:14
That’s the theme verse at my church, Watoto Church this month because it’s our #FamilyMonth and with Father’s day this weekend, the sermon last weekend was on “The Call to Fatherhood” as “the highest need in the world” Pastor said this and I couldn’t agree more- “Every person needs a good father in their life. We need them for the value they add into our lives. We all long for a Father, a good father: one who is available to us, encourages us, affirms us, believes in us, comforts us, corrects us in love and never gives up on us You can get the rest of the sermon HERE.

I am very lucky that I grew up in a very good family, I had the best father, my siblings, cousins, uncles, aunties grandparents, will tell you that the late Mr. James Kasadha was the best father to his children, to us. Losing him was very hard on us, my entire family. And for me, I had scrapped off some holidays like Father’s day from my calendar, I just pretended it did not exist for the first 5 years, even when people all over social media and at church celebrated it, it will be 7 years on November, 29 and I have learnt to cope, I choose to celebrate the best father I will always know and will have to share the things I learnt from him when I have my own children.

Are you wondering how you will go through another Father’s Day without a dad, worry no more my dear, you have the best Father, our Heavenly Father, look to him, he loves you much more than you think or imagine.

♫ Oh and I've seen many searching for answers far and wide
But I know we're all searching for answers only You provide

Because You know just what we need

Before we say a word. 

You're a good, good Father… ♫ ‪#‎SingAlong


And below have shared some staff you can meanwhile do to celebrate your father and his legacy this Father’s Day;
  

Things you can do to celebrate your father and his legacy:


Do something he enjoyed: What did your father enjoy doing more than anything? Think of the things your father loved doing in his free time.  Was it a sport, game and a TV show? My father loved watching wrestling, I know so many wrestlers courtesy of the many games I watched with my father, he watched these wrestling games religiously. So this Father’s day like the past years, I will watch a wresting game, it’s my way of celebrating Father’s day. So Ladies, to commemorate you dear daddy, take the time to do the things your father loved this Father’s day. Do not let Father’s day pass you by just because you do not have a dad.

Just remember him; there are countless things you can do on this day to remember your father; Take a special father’s day card to his grave, now I know this could be hard for most people, but if you can handle it… go ahead, Blow some bubbles and send him your love on the wind, Have his favorite meal, Make or buy a new frame for your favorite photograph of him – what he was doing? Ask your grandfather if you still have one for his memories of your dad as a little boy, and/or your Mum for her memories of when she and your Dad met and you can also write him a letter or a poem or a song...Maybe you could start with something like ‘If you came back for just 5 minutes, I’d tell you....’ Go on gal, remember your daddy the best way you can this Father’s day.

Value the lessons he taught you: Most girls do not admit this but every single one of us, especially us that were/ are daddy’s girls, the most important thing to us is our father’s approval. It was for me when he was alive and still is, whenever I have those questionable decisions, I often ask myself questions like, what would my father think?  My siblings and I were really well brought up, and my father played a major role in our good upbringing and from what he taught and his actions, were are honest, compassionate, very hard working, peace makers, respectful, and we stick to our values. I am sure there quite many lessons your father must have taught you, and if for some reason, you have thrown them away, I argue you to pick them up again, practice them daily, it’s what your father would have wanted, so value those lessons this Father’s day.

Thank your Mother: If you were a daddy’s gal like myself, you probably didn’t have a lot of love for your mother like you did your father. But guess what my dear, daddy is no longer around, so how about you show your mother some more love and appreciation. She is now both your mother and father, it’s never easy playing both roles but if she’s doing it just fine, appreciate her. When my dad passed in 2009, I was in my third and final year at the University and we were also three of us at the University, my mother very well knew that our father was big on Education, so she has worked hard to see  us through school, we are  five(5) kids and four (4) of us have graduated from the mighty Makerere University with Honours, my baby bro our last born, must have been in S.2 at London College of St. Lawrence when our dad passed but he will also be done with his Software Engineering Degree soon, his going to his third year of his four year course in August this year. Did I also mention, my dear mother paid for my Masters Degree, I graduated last year with MAPAM from Makerere University. So trust me I have a lot to thank my dearest mother for this Father’s day for playing both roles. I am sure our daddy is proud of her.

And most importantly, remember this, losing a father for one could mean losing a husband for another, so it is just as hard, if not harder, for her on days like these. So, please take the time to respect and love your mothers on this day, just as you would have your fathers.

I am praying for you and God is crazy about you.
 



RIP Daddy: Missed by Mum, Me, Enid, Aggie, Phiona, Samuel, grandson Jayden, Relatives and in-laws.

Happy Father's Day

Monday, June 13, 2016

The Ephesians 5 Husband:

The Ephesians 5 Husband:


The Qualities of a Proverbs 31 wife are what every godly woman desires and strives towards, and it’s what our Godly men expect of us. Yes a Proverbs 31 wife is the true definition of the “trophy wife.” She is a woman her husband can be proud to call his, and as the Bible passage says, “She is more precious than rubies” and surpasses all women.and if I am a Proverbs 31 woman, then I deserve and need an Ephesians 5 husband

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.23 for the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body.31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. (Ephesians 5: 22-33)

 5 ways to be the Ephesians 5 Husband:


Give Yourself Up for Her: Marriage can be seen as one big journey from selfishness to selflessness. An Ephesians 5 husband will give up everything he has in order to make sure his wife has what she needs. No matter how big the sacrifice, meeting her needs becomes his priority.


Keep Her Clean: You should be willing to be the bad guy. Get as dirty as you have to in order to keep her clean. Helping her character remain clean is important, and the best way to do this is by learning and living according to the Bible. 

Help to Reveal Her Beauty: Ephesians 5 calls husbands to "present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle." Your charge is not to dog your wife, or point out her shortcomings, but to do all you can to reveal the true beauty you see inside her. My bible readers know the "church" has some issues, but Christ sees something different. Just the same your wife has some issues, but you are to see and reveal her beauty.


Love Her 
Like You Love Yourself:  Most people treat themselves better than they treat others. You make exceptions for the same mistakes you condemn in other people. But with your wife, if you are to be the Ephesians 5 husband, you should love and treat her the same way you do yourself. The Ephesians 5 husband treats his wife with the utmost care and concern. 

Get as Close to Her as Possible:  If you have your Bible out now, and are reading along, you'll see the next call to an Ephesians 5 husband is to become one with your wife. The Bible actually says "one flesh." That means to become closer to her than anybody or anything else on this earth. Even if it means separating from other people or things that come against your union. Once you become one, nothing can keep you apart.


Are you a lady in waiting, well, the good news is that you can add this to your prayer guide for your future husband. As you desire and strive towards becoming the Proverbs 31 Wife, pray that your husband is an Ephesians 5 Husband.  


I am praying for you and God is crazy about you.

The Proverbs 31 Woman:



The Proverbs 31 Woman:

I was going through my church notes over the weekend and I came across this teaching from the Women’s Day of 2015, where our Pastors wives at Watoto Church took to the podium to preach about the Proverbs 31 Woman. My then district Pastor’s wife (Ps. Christine Mugabi) did a great job describing and imploring us to be the Proverbs 31 woman, married or single. As a young woman in waiting I made a decision that day to develop the qualities of this woman.

But some people have argued that Proverbs 31 woman is not one woman, but rather a collection of admirable attributes of several different women. And others believe that this Chapter was targeting men and that it was infarct directed towards Solomon’s son.

I believe all of us, men and women have a lot to learn from this chapter. And my Christian single Ladies, because of the above statement, I know most of you would want a man with these qualities. But pick up your Bible and read Proverbs 31 again with fresh eyes… from the perspective of the character of that woman…and instead of looking for these qualities in a man you should instead be busy developing these qualities yourself.

My sisters one thing I am sure of is that the single Christian men, Godly men that you want to spend the rest of your lives with the likes of (David,Joseph,Brian,Joshua...etc) are very busy reading this passage and looking for those qualities in a woman.


Qualities of the Proverbs 31 Woman:


Faith: Serves God with all of her heart, mind, and soul. She seeks His will for her life and follows His ways. (Proverbs 31: 26, Proverbs 31: 29 – 31, Matthew 22: 37, John 14: 15, Psalm 119: 15)

Goodness: Respects her husband. She does him good all the days of her life. She is trustworthy and a help-meet. (Proverbs 31: 11- 12, Proverbs 31: 23, Proverbs 31: 28, 1 Peter 3, Ephesians 5, Genesis 2: 18)

Mothering: Teaches her children the ways of her Father in heaven. She nurtures her children with the love of Christ, disciplines them with care and wisdom, and trains them in the way they should go. (Proverbs 31: 28, Proverbs 31: 26, Proverbs 22: 6, Deuteronomy 6, Luke 18: 16)

Health: Cares for her body. She prepares healthy food for her family. (Proverbs 31: 14 – 15, Proverbs 31: 17, 1 Corinthians 6: 19, Genesis 1: 29, Daniel 1, Leviticus 11)

Charitable: Serves her husband, her family, her friends, and her neighbors with a gentle and loving spirit. She is charitable. (Proverbs 31: 12, Proverbs 31: 15, Proverbs 31: 20, 1 Corinthians 13: 13)

Finances: Seeks her husband’s approval before making purchases and spends money wisely. She is careful to purchase quality items which her family needs. (Proverbs 31: 14, Proverbs 31: 16, Proverbs 31: 18, 1 Timothy 6: 10, Ephesians 5: 23, Deuteronomy 14: 22, Numbers 18: 26)

Endurance: She works willingly with her hands. She sings praises to God and does not grumble while completing her tasks. (Proverbs 31: 13, Proverbs 31: 16, Proverbs 31: 24, Proverbs 31: 31, Philippians 2: 14)

Homemaking: She is a homemaker. She creates an inviting atmosphere of warmth and love for her family and guests. She uses hospitality to minister to those around her. (Proverbs 31: 15, Proverbs 31: 20 – 22, Proverbs 31: 27, Titus 2: 5, 1 Peter 4: 9, Hebrews 13: 2).

Time: She uses her time wisely. She works diligently to complete her daily tasks. She does not spend time dwelling on those things that do not please the Lord. (Proverbs 31: 13, Proverbs 31: 19, Proverbs 31: 27, Ecclesiastes 3, Proverbs 16: 9, Philippians 4:8 )

Well Dressed: She is a woman of worth and beauty. She has the inner beauty that only comes from Christ. She uses her creativity and sense of style to create beauty in her life and the lives of her loved ones. (Proverbs 31: 10 Proverbs 31: 21 – 22, Proverbs 31: 24 -25, Isaiah 61: 10, 1 Timothy 2: 9, 1 Peter 3: 1 – 6)

How to apply Proverbs 31 to your Life:

We are not perfect, nor does God expect us to be. Becoming a Proverbs 31 woman means working hard to become a woman who honors God. Try doing these things, daily/weekly or monthly to helps you become closer to God.

  • Remember that you are worthy of God's grace.
  • Be truthful and faithful.
  • Love others, be good to others and pray for others.
  • Work hard in everything you do.
  • Wake up early and start the day with God. Pray every day and praise our Lord.
  • Study and learn. Enrich your life with knowledge and understanding and become well rounded in your skills.
  • Take advantage of opportunities in business, helping others, and caring for others.
  • Be strong and endure hard times. Put your faith in God to help you when you feel lost.
  • Love and honor yourself; dress well, exercise, behave well.
  • Find a husband who shares your values and love of God.
  • Fear God and honor him in all things.
  • Remember that you are praise worthy and will be rewarded for your work.


Being a Proverbs 31 woman is not about being “perfect.” It’s about living life with purpose, diligence, forgiveness, and repentance. 

I am praying for you and God is crazy about you



Tuesday, June 07, 2016

6 options for godly single women wanting to marry:

6 options for godly single women wanting to marry:

“Daughters. . . Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.” Song of Songs 2:7
These are tough times for godly single women who want to marry. There are some single women who remain single for no good reason. Some have never married. Some married only to have their husband die. Others have been divorced by a guy who did not appreciate what he had and did not want to invest the energy it takes to make a great marriage. These are women who are friends of Grace and we know well, women who are very godly, actively serving others, and well known in their church community. Of course, the world is also filled with singles who are not mature, godly, or stable, but I’m not talking about them.

As for the godly single women wanting to marry, there are more and more women like this recently, you could be one of them, yes you reading this. We often ask for advice on what we should do. Those who are over 30 and some of us the 29 years olds are beginning to wonder if our hopes to marry and become a mother will be fulfilled. For some, this leads to near panic. For others, a constant despair with seasons of dark depression lingers like a chronic ache.

For the godly single ladies reading this blog post, I know that sometimes the drama and details of relationships (or the lack thereof) can become confusing, cloudy, and cold. Sometimes, pulling back from a situation, particularly one that is emotionally expensive for you, helps you see that even though the specific choices you are making are not what you would want, they are the best in light of the options you have.

Here the six options you have:

Sin:You can decide that God has not come through for you, so you take matters into your own hands. You decide to be a gal who parties a lot, casually dates a bunch of guys you’d never marry, sleeps around, moves in with a guy, or does other things that will really hurt the one relationship you have with a great man: Jesus Christ. If you take this path, you will eventually come to feel horrible for what you have done and miserable in the world you live.

Surrender: You can give up on ever meeting someone worth marrying. You can just stop taking any risks, meeting any people, or trying in any way. Often this is because you are sick of getting your heart broken and would rather lock it away in a vault than take another risk. But when you shut down your heart to life in general, you are not just foregoing marriage but also hope and joy.

Settle: You can lower your standards to the point that nearly any guy can meet them. Single men and women are prone to have a list of what they want in a spouse that is way too detailed, long, and unreasonable. But, it is also possible to keep editing your list to the point where “godly man” eventually becomes “believes in a higher power of some sort,” and “I respect him” becomes “I think I can put up with him.” This may get you a man, but not a long-term, joy-filled, God-honoring marriage.

Suffer: You can allow your singleness to become the devastating, discouraging, and defining aspect of your life. You can let it make you feel unwanted, unloved, and unworthy. You can allow it to haunt you, pushing you into shame, isolation, and despair. You can let your singleness be a club for Satan to beat you with over, and over, and over, and over. . .

Strive: You can start to obsess over doing literally everything you can to land a husband. You never leave the house without looking like you are ready for a pageant. You count every calorie and spend more time at the gym than the treadmill does. You start an account for every Christian dating site that exists. You attend every church with a decent number of single men, and never miss a singles ministry event at any mega church within a two-hour drive of your home. The center of your life is no longer Jesus, but some guy you are determined to attract to fill his place.

Solace: You can take comfort in God’s love for you and that Jesus is the Man in your life who sympathizes with your singleness. You can allow your singleness to explain you but not identify you. You can allow your singleness to be an aspect of your life but not the essence of your life. You can remind yourself that you worship a God who was single, and that the early church was nearly the polar opposite of today’s: singleness was considered a virtuous, preferable life by many in service to God. You can live your life without waiting for someone else to show up and make it worthwhile. You can retain your desire for marriage without drifting into desperation. You can be open to a relationship without putting your entire life on hold until one occurs. You can pour your desires for a family into your extended family and/or church family.

To my single sisters wanting to marry, I do not want to discourage you in any way. But, the truth is that it is harder to be a single woman than a single man as a Christian. Every poll I have ever seen says that single women are generally more mature and responsible than single men. Men are waiting until around 30 years old to marry for the first time, if they ever do. And, they are going for younger women, according to the statistics. Across Christianity, there are far more single women than single men, which means that the odds are not in the favor of godly single women. In addition, for theological reasons, many Christian women do not want to be the dating initiator, asking guys out and taking the lead in the relationship.

All of this together means that godly single women live in a complex world that is increasingly more difficult for those who want to marry and have children with a godly man. Love, prayer, friendship, support, counsel, and community are needed more than ever.


Being single is not easy. But neither is being married. They are just difficult in different ways as God uses everything in our life to make us more like Jesus, who happened to live a perfect life while single.

I am praying for you and God is crazy about you!

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