What Matters at 50 years in a life Partner: Little Acts and Attitudes that can tell us about a Person:

As we consider what is important in a marriage partner, we need to get past the surface issues of looks, dressing and performance in front of others. (See 1 Samuel 16:7, Proverbs 31:30). We are too easily impressed by image but God wants us to value qualities that will last.

Wisely choosing a marriage partner requires that we go back to the essentials of a person’s character and attitude. And we need to concentrate on not only on finding the right person but, more important on becoming the right person.

Character is what you are in the dark when no one but God is watching. We don’t define a person’s character by the image that person wishes to convey or the reputation he or she hides behind, but the choices and decisions that person has made or makes each day.

It takes real wisdom to observe a person’s character, it also takes time. Your reputation is learned in an hour, your character does not come to light for a year.

How a person relates to God: a person’s relationship to God is the defining relationship in his life. When his relationship with his Heavenly father is out of order, every other relationship will suffer. Both you and the person you marry must have a dynamic, growing relationship with Jesus Christ. (2 Corinthians 6:14). Are both of you in love with Jesus Christ? Will you place Him before even each other? If you love Jesus more than anything else, you will really love and enjoy your spouse and you will be someone worth marrying. As a single lady, look for and work on becoming a woman who seeks God wholeheartedly, putting Him before anything else. Do not worry about impressing those boys, instead strive to please and glorify God. Along the way, you will catch the attention of people with the same priorities.

How a person relates to others: how your life partner relates with other people is very important:

•  Authority: one thing for sure is that a guy that cannot follow legitimate orders will have difficulty holding a job or receiving pastoral correction when needed. So look for and strive to become a person who respects God given authority.
• Parents: you have probably heard this sage advice before, “the way a guy treats his mother is the way he will treat his wife” and we can all agree that it its true. I am not saying that a person who has had a bad relationship with his mother can’t have a good marriage, by God’s Grace, we can overcome old patterns but we need to ask “If he can’t be loving and gentle with his mother, why should he be loving and gentle with me as his wife” Do not forget to evaluate your own life. How do you relate to your parents? Can you improve the way you interact with them so you will know how to honor your future husband
• The opposite sex: there is a huge difference between genuine friendliness and flirtatiousness. Learn to distinguish between the two. No one wants to marry a flirt. Ladies, do you want to marry a man with a wandering eye? And what about yourself? Where do you stand on the friendly-flirtations scale? Do you need to change your attitude and actions towards members of the opposite sex.
• Companions: A person’s companions are the people who influence and shape him. The way a someone treats his friends is not as important as who these friends are. Who are a potential partner’s closet friends? How do these friends act? What do they value? If they’re caught up in partying and living recklessly, the person who spends time with them will probably share those pursuits. What about your companions? Are you pursuing relationships with people who encourage you in your walk with the Lord? Or do your friends drag you down? Do not underestimate how much close friends shape your character.

Personal Discipline: the third window to character is how a person disciplines and conducts his personal life. Habit is the greater part of nature. The things we do involuntarily almost without thinking reveal our character. Everyone has habits that another person will find silly or irritating. Instead of concerning ourselves with certain issues, we need examine whether a potential spouse (or we ourselves) fosters habits that are disobedient to God or that reveal a deeper disregard for others. Watch the following habits closely in your life partner and in your own life too;

• How a person uses time: the way a person spends his leisure time tells us what he values. Does he fill free time with mindless hours in front of the TV? Does this person cultivate his mind and build relationships, or does he run to the next distraction? Seek to find (and be the kind of person) who uses time wisely.
• How he handles money is one, if not the surest, indicator of character. Is the person you are observing (or are you) caught up in clothing, cars and other material things? Does this person think through purchases, or does he spend impulsively? A person’s spending habits reveal his level of responsibility.
• How he takes care of his body: we should not fault a person because of things he cannot control like height, features, and in some cases weight. Neither should we be overly concerned with the external. However, the way a person cares for his body tells us something about the person’s character.

An attitude of humility: an attitude of humility considers others needs first( see Philippians 2:3) Does the person you're interested in place the needs of others before his own? watch the small things. when he is on the basketball court, how does he act? Even in competition does he seek to serve others? Two people do not keep a marriage strong because they never make mistakes, they keep a marriage strong by maintaining an attitude of humility that is quick to confess sin, put the other first, and seek forgiveness.

An attitude of Industriousness: do no judge a person by his or her line of work, but do take note of the attitude with which this person approaches work. An attitude of industriousness is one of willingness to work at whatever task presents itself. (see Proverbs 31:7) Look for some one who energetically invests his life in something important right now. strive for this attitude in yourself too.

An attitude of Contentment and Hopefulness:  this attitude recognizes God's sovereignty in every situation. It is faith-birthed optimism that looks to God, an attitude more aware of and grateful for the evidence of God's Grace than of problems needing correction. 

Does he have complaint or praise on his lips? Does he not pick at the faults of others or consistently encourage? Does he view his circumstances with a spirit of hopelessness or does he remain confident of God's faithfulness?

Some of the characteristics and attitudes above are things that really matter in a spouse, what to look for in another person and what to work on in own lives. We should however not use these to bash the opposite sex or as an excuse to avoid marriage. No one will achieve perfection. We will never find the perfect spouse, if we did, why would he want to marry an imperfect person like you or me.

We cannot trust ourselves, and we can’t completely know the person we decide to marry, but we can trust God to guide us in our decisions and to help us follow through with our commitments.

Am Praying for you and God is crazy about you.