5 things to do when facing conflict:

Most conflicts can be solved rather easily, but unfortunately most conflicts are exaggerated or blown out of proportion just as easily. What may start out as a small disagreement, can easily turn into pure utter turmoil if we’re not careful.  

So before you allow conflict to ruin a relationship, take a look at these five helpful ways to handle conflict:

Get a grip on your emotions:

Emotions can be deceiving as Jeremiah 17:9 reminds us, “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” It can ruin relationships easily once you allow your negative emotions to control you.

When facing conflict, you have to decide how you are going to respond. Are you going to build or destroy? If you choose to build, then you must learn to handle your emotions. Don’t let your emotions cause you to respond negatively.

Don’t get sucked in:

In times of conflict, there are people who will attempt to tear you down, but Christ tells us not to retaliate with anger by fighting fire with fire. He also instructs us to only fight the good fight of faith. Satan will always try to find a way to destroy you; he will use people to test your character. But you have to bear in mind that you don’t have to fight in every battle you’re invited to. Sometimes it’s best just to hold your peace.

Choose love:

Choose love because that’s what Jesus demands of us: to love unconditionally. Though it’s painful, we should choose to love through the pain. Never sow anger and bitterness because what you sow, you will reap, so choose to sow love. I know all too well that some people make it painfully hard to love them, but don’t let them block your blessings.

Pray about it:

If you have exhausted all efforts, prayed about it, and still nothing seems to change, don’t lose hope. Perhaps it’s not yet the right time, but stay hopeful.

Pray for the people who have hurt you and also the people you have hurt. Pray that God will intervene and speak to them just as He is speaking to you. 

Forgive your offenders:

You may be in a tough and painful situation now, but always remember how Jesus responded to His enemies. Jesus said, “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do. And parting his garments among them, they cast lots.” – Luke 23:24

It may be hard but choose to forgive. At least try. Pray about it. You won’t be able to do it on your own. Free your heart from grudges and allow peace to enter your spirit. Forgiveness will give you the inner peace that you will need to move beyond conflicts. 

If you are in the middle of conflict, just remember to be still and let God bring peace into your situation. Everything will surely come to pass. 

Knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. (James 1:3)

Whatever situation you are in right now, no matter how bad it may seem, let your situation draw you closer to the Lord and make your faith stronger.

6 Habits that will draw you closer to God:

Submitting to God:

James tells us, “Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded” (James 4:7-8). Step one is to submit to God and to His Word.  Then resist the temptations cast at you by the enemy, and finally he will flee from you and you won’t be as easily influenced by the demonic habits that so easily beset you.

Being Broken Before God:

Want to draw closer to God? Certainly you do. And the psalmist gives us a way to do that by writing, “The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit” (Psalm 43:18). We can’t get any nearer to God than when we are broken the most because God cannot fix what is first not broken. Interestingly, we are nearer to God when we are at our lowest point in life. In an ironic way, the way up is the way down, with humility and brokenness and being crushed in spirit.

Fasting Before God:

When we fast we shouldn’t tell anyone because Jesus taught that this can turn into a self-righteous act, even more so if we tell others about it. We should be fasting in private, and it should be between only us and God. Fasting can draw you nearer to God, but check with your doctor first and make sure you don’t have any medical conditions that might cause you harm.

Ministering to Others:

When we are helping the least of the world, we are doing it for Christ Himself (Matthew 25:40). This might include visiting the sick or those in prison, helping those who have little or nothing, and being hospitable to strangers (Matthew 25:35-36), for we are also strangers or sojourners on a pilgrimage to the Promised Land. Doing for others is really doing for Christ.

 

Praying Always:

Want to know the will of God? Many people are praying for and seeking to find God’s will for their lives.  Here it is: “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you”(1 Thessalonians 5:16-18). To draw nearer to God, you must be in more communication with Him, which begins and ends with prayer.

 

Abiding in the Word:

Jesus tells us that if we abide in His Word, He will abide in us. Don’t you want that? Jesus told His disciples, “Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing”(John 15:4-5). Since we can’t do anything apart from Christ, why not abide in His Word on a daily basis because we can’t live by physical bread alone (Matthew 4:4).

 

Conclusion

To draw near to God, we must first submit to God, which means submitting to His Word; we must come broken before God in true humility because He’s near the brokenhearted; we can fast to see our utter dependence on Him for everything; we can minister to others since it’s really doing it for Christ; we can be praying at all times; and we must abide in Christ and in His Word because without Him we can do nothing. And nothing is not a little something.

Living Next Door to Hell:

Marriage to a non-Christian brings pain to the believing wife. Living next door to hell is how one Christian counselor described being married to a non-believer.

As women, we long to be known and loved for all we are. A man who is spiritually dead can never know the very intimate spiritual part of you that is your heart. He would be blind to much of what you would want to share with him. He could never know and understand you fully.

Be careful when you begin to think that you are “in love” and you “just can’t live without him.” Think again. Think of the loneliness you will feel when your husband will not attend church with you. Think of the angry bickering that may take place between the two of because he can never understand the depths of your spiritual awareness and consequently, your convictions. If you do not think about this now, you may one day think, “Before, I couldn’t live without him; now I can hardly live with him” 2 Corinthians 6:14-15 is very clear:

Do not be bound together with unbelievers, for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness? Oh what harmony has Christ with Belial, or what has a believer in common with an unbeliever?

Please consider a greater consequence than being unhappily married to a man who does not know your Lord. Will you be able to handle the pain of watching your children live with possible rejection by their father, day in and day out? Will you think it is worth the cost when you are the only one who gets up on Sunday mornings to take your dear children to church?

Will it be worth the compromise when your children look up at you and ask why daddy doesn’t love Jesus? They could even reject the Lord for eternity and live a miserable, ill-chosen lifestyle because of the choice you made to marry a wonderful, but lost man. Children will often follow their father’s example, good or bad. Exodus 34:7 gives a warning you cannot ignore: “…He will by no means leave the guilty unpunished, visiting the iniquity of fathers on the children and on the grandchildren to the third and forth generations.” You are not just marrying a husband, but choosing a father for your children.

When you marry, you do not choose blessings or curses for you alone; you choose for the generations after you. If you choose to wait patiently for your knight in shining armor, you will be blessed by the heritage that a prince brings. If you choose to run eagerly ahead of God’s plan and marry a man with no conscience toward God, you will reap the life’s course he follows, but not alone. Your children’s lives and grandchildren’s lives will be directly affected by the man you marry.

Consider the following scriptures:

All these blessings come upon you and overtake you if you will obey the Lord you God (Deuteronomy 28:2)

But it shall come about, if you do not obey the Lord you God… all these curses shall come upon you and overtake you (Deuteronomy 28:15)

God warned His people in Deuteronomy of the long-term effects of their choices. Today other countries may not take our children, but there are many bondages in our wicked generation that could hold them.

Your sons and your daughters shall be given to another people, while you eyes look on and yearn for them continually; but there will be nothing you can do (Deuteronomy 28:32)

Have you seen the yearning eyes of a mother as she sees her son on drugs or her daughter living on the streets? There is nothing she can do but look on in pain.

These verses in Deuteronomy show that God has always desired to bless His people, but He will not force them to do what is best. In His Word He has often warned us to wait, to be careful, and to trust Him. He will not make us wait. His heart of love begs us to listen and obey so He may bless us and the dear ones who will one day look to and follow us. The words He gave to the children of Israel in Deuteronomy 30:15-20 shows the love and concern He has for the choices you make.

So choose life in order that you may live, you and your descendants, by loving the Lord your God, by obeying His voice, and by holding fast to Him… (Deuteronomy 30:19-20)

You must choose to wait patiently for God’s best. If you have seen patterns in your life that show a lack of patience, commit yourself right now to waiting for God’s best.

You may pray something like this:

Lord,

You are my sovereign God. You know all about me and love me more than anyone else ever could. You know how I feel, what I need, and what my future is. I confess that I have taken matters into my own hands. I confess to being afraid of totally trusting You. Today I commit myself to focus on You and Your love for me. Today I commit to look to You for my future, not my outward circumstances. Thank you for knowing how weak I feel, but being strong for me and in me. I love You. I choose to trust You.

In Jesus’ name.

Amen

I am praying for you and God is crazy about you.

The Joseph, Boaz and David Profile of a man worth waiting for:

You want to marry someone for the qualities he posses now, not for the qualities you hope he will develop. The most common mistake made by married partners is marrying someone they intend to change. Since it is impossible to change a person, you will want to set standards of dating or building friendship, with men who are characterized by the following qualities.

A single woman can side step a lifetime tragedy by seriously considering these characteristics in a prospective steady date;

• Puts needs of others ahead of his own: This man accepts people just the way they are, loving others even when his love is not returned. He will continue to love someone because of his commitment to that person, not because of how he feels.

Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceits, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others (Philippians 2:3-4).

• Rejoices in his relationship with Christ: You don’t have to ask this man if he is a Christian. His Joy in the Lord is evident in his life.

These things I have spoken to you so that My joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full (John 15:11).

• Maintains proper relationships: This man seeks good relationships with everyone, from his friends to his parents. He listens to differing perspectives without feeling threatened. He has the strength to back off from a fight. He works to forgive wrongs done to him and seeks to make his own offenses right. He will not hold a grudge.

Pursue peace with all men… (Hebrews 12:14).

• Refuses to jump ahead of God’s timing: He is not so eager to be something, do something, or have something that he cannot wait on God’s timing. He chooses against impulsiveness so he may be in the exact center of God’s will.

Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him… (Psalm 37:7).

• Seeks to meet the practical needs of others: He is not self absorbed that he cannot make time for the needy. He is interested in the welfare of others and is willing to give his time, money, and energy for their benefit.

Be kind to one another, tender-hearted… (Ephesians 4:32).

• Stands for what is right: He hates anything contrary to God’s holy character. He is known as a man of integrity by those with whom he works.

There will be… glory and honor and peace to everyone who does goo… (Romans 2:9-10).

• Follows through on his God-given responsibilities: He uses the talents God has given him and realizes “he + Jesus =adequacy for any God-given job.” He is neither overconfident nor absorbed with feelings of inferiority. He is not a dreamer, wishing for more ability, but a diligent steward of the talents he has been given. This man is dependable and stays with even a difficult task until it is completed.

Now it is required that those who have been given a trust must prove faithful (1 Corinthians 4:2).

• Understands the importance of feelings and emotions: Some women may find themselves attracted to a demanding man, assuming that his dominance will be their security. Other women may marry a doormat they can dominate, but inevitably end up despising the man’s weakness. A gentleman is the best of both; he takes the initiative to lead but tempers it with gentle responses towards the other’s feelings.

So, as those who have been chosen by God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience (Colossians 3:12).

• Flees temptation to compromise: This man refuses to be in situations that are sensual, immoral, or impure. He does not entertain friendships that lead to drunkenness or carousing. He avoids talk that could c use strife or jealousy. This man does not allow a temper to control him or anger to destroy him.

Like a city that is broken into and without walls is a man who has no control over his spirit (Proverbs 25:28).

These qualities are not unrealistic ideals. When a man follows Jesus, the Holy Spirit works these into his life. “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, fruitfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law” (Galatians 5:22-23)

None of the men you date will have these qualities perfected. All of us are at differing levels of maturity. A man of God is one who works toward being conformed to the character of Christ. But be careful when a quality of God’s spirit is completely missing in a man’s life and he is unwilling to deal with it before marriage. Realize that if character is absent before the wedding ceremony, it will be missing after the wedding ceremony and cause considerable problems during marriage.

Do you want to marry a knight in shining armor? Then set your standards high. To be married to a man who loves the Lord and wants to serve Him is one of life’s privileges. It is worth whatever wait, whatever cost.

Nail down your convictions and refuse to compromise by dating men who are not controlled by God’s Holy Spirit. These standards will stand guard over the castle of your heart. Proverbs 4:23 says, “Above all else, guard you heart, for it is the wellspring of life”

Without high standards, even Christian girls are easily seduced.

I am praying for you and God is crazy about you.

Avoiding Counterfeits Boys

A counterfeit is a guy whose outward appearance is a façade. It is hard to discern who he really is because of the “makeup and costume” he wears. What he appears to be physically, socially, and even spiritually is just a performance. We have all met these counterfeit guys; the beauty is that it’s very possible to avoid such a clown. Setting high standards and convictions will help you recognize the difference.

Before any girl accepts her first date, she should have established in her heart and mind a biblical alternative to this century’s dating style. As a prerequisite to every date, you should examine your motive. Are you going out with this guy because you haven’t had a date in years? Are you going out with someone who may not really be a Christian because you think a date, even with a counterfeit, is better than no date at all?

Many women spend time with guys who don’t really care for them. They would rather waste an evening with a counterfeit than face another lonely night in a dateless condition. Some women even give up their biblical convictions in order to get a date with a certain guy. Do you feel as though you allow your dating schedule to determine your personal worth? Many single women are prisoners of the world’s dating syndrome. They equate their self-worth with how many dates they had last month.

Have you dated more counterfeits than the real deal (Boaz, Joseph, David)? If your answer is yes, you may need to develop higher ideals. Develop a list of biblical dating standards and put them into practice. Write them down, carry them both in your wallet and your heart, the counterfeits will flee.

Wait for the right man God has for you. Do not settle for anything less than God’s best. And if you feel that wait is hard, look at the following, do you believe you can change any of these characteristics in your future husband?

• Unwillingness to communicate (Proverbs 14:10)
• Dominating ego (Romans 12:3)
• Argumentative characteristics (Proverbs 20:3)
• Difficulty in apologizing (Ephesians 4:32)
• Bad language (Ephesians 5:4)
• Unwillingness to be involved with church (Hebrews 10:24-25)
• Inability to keep a job (1Timothy 5:8)
• Jealousy (1 Corinthians 13:4)
• Self-centeredness (2 Corinthians 5:15)
• Depression (2 Corinthians 4:16)
• Unwillingness to give (2 Corinthians 9:7)
• Always “going with the guys” (1 Corinthians 15:33)
• Wandering eye (1 Thessalonians 4:2-7)
• Lying (Ephesians 4:25)
• Immaturity (Ephesians 4:15)
• Workaholic tendencies (1Timothy 6:7-11)

What does the Bible say about these qualities in reference to godliness?

I am praying for you and God is crazy about you.

Damaged Goods:

There is nothing like enduring consecutive shitty days be that-weeks, months or something even years to make us feel like damaged goods. Every bone feels broken, unable to be repaired as we begin to convince ourselves that we’re better off being stored away amongst piles of other useless junk. We’ve all been cut in many ways, some deeper than others, but what is important is that when we get cut, we heal, when we bruise, we heal, when we break, we heal. And much like the restoration that takes place on our outer existence, the same rebuilding is possible for our inner beings.  All of our lives are far too short to be lived as if we’ve passed our expiry date.

When my friendship with Mr.JN, the most wonderful guy have met was growing, It was a whole new experience, he was so different from all the men had dated in the past and even though I had just re-committed my life to God and I had a lot of learning and growing in Christ to do, which meant to live up to 2 Corinthians 6:14-17 and Joshua 23:12-13, had actually never imagined myself in a thousand years to be with a guy like him, he is the complete opposite of the guys had dated or imagined myself to be with.

Yes I feared dating fellow Christians because of my past mistakes, I used to feel like damaged goods, and i truthfully felt like “I am not good enough” for him, this guy has the highest level of self control have ever experienced, he is such a good guy, and I didn’t think such good men existed, he has never smoked like me, drank, purity is important to him and he really loves Jesus. I had never been intimidated by a man till I met him and this is why I keep telling you that the really good men, the godly men that are worth waiting for do exist, I know one and I am so sure there some few left out there.

I thank God daily that he brought this wonderful man into my life, he put up with all my short comings, believed in me, supported me  to make wise choices that honor God and also made me realize and reminded me that I am not damaged like I thought I was “Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away. Behold, the new has come!” 2 Corinthians 5:17.  And I am glad to say that I don’t allow my past to influence my future, I am a new creation in Christ. 

Do you feel like you are damaged good, I want to tell you today that you’re not, whatever you did in the past doesn’t count anymore, repent and turn away, “For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us” Psalm 103:11-12 You may think it’s hard but it is quite easy, I have done it. It only takes a simple step, a decision. And I also want you to know that there is no cycle that cannot be broken, your destiny is not something that is left to chance or fate, it’s the product of wise choices. Just so we clear, you cannot make wise choices without proper biblical convictions.

Set your standards so high, allow God’s Holy Word to shape your perspective. Give the Lord permission to renew your mind on a daily basis spend time searching the Word of God for standards that will guide you safely to God’s best. (See Romans 12:2) What I can tell you is that if you have none Christian friends, they are going to try to let you lower your standards but do not give in sis, facing opposition from the people you love is not easy but the Lord will give you the grace to refuse to compromise. Through Jesus’ strength you can stand firm.

Cut off the negative Nancies in your life, if you have friends, colleagues at work that make you feel like crap, the kind that drain you, make you feel empty and distant from yourself. It sucks that a huge part of feeling like damaged goods are often feelings that are passed on from others. My sister, it’s time to say good bye these negative Nancies in your life; you deserve to have some positive people in your life, friends that will encourage you and not tear you down.

Learn to guard your heart, I have blogged about it here. “Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life” Proverbs 4:23. Some of us have been left broken because of failure to guard our hearts, we move too fast in relationships saying words like “I love you” to the guys not out of a committed love but a casual love feeling. Learn to let real love blossom and grow without those three words. Why don’t you save them to be whispered when God reveals it is time, give meaning to those precious words, do not use them on every junk that is playing nice to you just to get into your pants and then break you. And also stand guard when you hear sweet talk from these counterfeit men of today, do not let his “sweet” words that don’t hold any water make you surrender.

If you ever felt like or someone made you feel like you are damaged goods, you are not, and you’re a child of the most High God, filled with possibilities.  Now do your part; shake off the guilt, quit listening to the accusing voices, and move forward with your life. If you do this, I believe and declare, God will bring greatness out of a great mess. He will make something significant out of your life. God will not only restore you, but He’ll bring you out better off than you were before.

I am praying for you and God is crazy about you

We attract what we are: What keeps you from catching the eye of a Boaz, Joseph or David?

So many of you have a long history of dating junks, those guys that say all the right things to you just to get you into their beds and then leave you heart broken. I like to refer to them as them counterfeits. Well Ladies, I hate to break it to you but most of you are actually like those guys, I mean we seek the level we are at... Your latest steady date is a reflection of your own heart. If you find only junks attracted to you, it's time to investigate. What keeps you from catching the eye of a Boaz, Joseph or David? You can't attract what you aren't yourself. And I will save you the head scratching, your not a lady of virtue.

Your so concerned about how you look, wearing shirts that show off your breasts, and while you may  think its the trend, guess what sister girl, you will attract boys, to be more specific, you will attract the kind of boys that like to look down girls' shirts. If you want to date a guy who likes to look at other girls' breasts and chase skirts, then great job, keep it up. If you don't want to date a guy who ogles at breasts of other women, then maybe you should stop offering your own breasts up for the ogling. All attention is not equal. You think you want attention, but you don't. You want respect. All attention is not equal...

Remember what King Solomon said in Proverbs 31:30 about the external emphasis of charm and glitz? "Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting: but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." There are many women who fear pimples, wrinkles, flabby thighs and crow's feet, but very few who really fear the Lord. With which are you attractive to men: the snares of Proverbs 5, 6 and 7 or by the beauty of 1 Peter 3:4? 

There are two ways to get a man to notice you. the first way to get his attention is how you look on the outside, But this is a snare look because looks don't last. They are superficial. The second way is being a Lady of virtue, she is noticed because she has gained admiration for her godly character.

Below are the differences between these two kinds of women and I challenge you to work towards becoming a Lady of virtue, you will attract the right men, the godly men and not the junks that have have been attracted to you .

Lady of Virtue	Body Beautiful
A person to whom all people are attracted (friendly)	Nice only to those who can help your dating status.
Seeking God first	Seeking a relationship first
Interesting with goals for yourself personally	“Shopping” known to be looking for a husband
Becoming the lady God wants you to be	Waiting to be found
Realistic	Living in romantic fantasy
Truly interested in the person you date and his best interests	Looking for your future in the relationship
One who is Spiritually challenging	Exciting sensuality
One who communicates verbally	A wallflower
Committed to trusting God	Clinging to a guy
Prepared for lasting friendships	Playing games
Open to other friendships	Possessive
Secure in the Lord	Insecure without a “dream man”
Building positive qualities in yourself	Wanting him now
Trusting God	Trusting in schemes and plans to catch a man
Patiently waiting	On the hunt

So my dear ladies, if you are not a lady of virtue, allow the Holy Spirit to use you during this season of singleness to create in you a priceless pearl of virtuous character.

Am praying for you and God is crazy about you

What Matters at 50 years in a life Partner: Little Acts and Attitudes that can tell us about a Person:

As we consider what is important in a marriage partner, we need to get past the surface issues of looks, dressing and performance in front of others. (See 1 Samuel 16:7, Proverbs 31:30). We are too easily impressed by image but God wants us to value qualities that will last.

Wisely choosing a marriage partner requires that we go back to the essentials of a person’s character and attitude. And we need to concentrate on not only on finding the right person but, more important on becoming the right person.

Character is what you are in the dark when no one but God is watching. We don’t define a person’s character by the image that person wishes to convey or the reputation he or she hides behind, but the choices and decisions that person has made or makes each day.

It takes real wisdom to observe a person’s character, it also takes time. Your reputation is learned in an hour, your character does not come to light for a year.

How a person relates to God: a person’s relationship to God is the defining relationship in his life. When his relationship with his Heavenly father is out of order, every other relationship will suffer. Both you and the person you marry must have a dynamic, growing relationship with Jesus Christ. (2 Corinthians 6:14). Are both of you in love with Jesus Christ? Will you place Him before even each other? If you love Jesus more than anything else, you will really love and enjoy your spouse and you will be someone worth marrying. As a single lady, look for and work on becoming a woman who seeks God wholeheartedly, putting Him before anything else. Do not worry about impressing those boys, instead strive to please and glorify God. Along the way, you will catch the attention of people with the same priorities.

How a person relates to others: how your life partner relates with other people is very important:

•  Authority: one thing for sure is that a guy that cannot follow legitimate orders will have difficulty holding a job or receiving pastoral correction when needed. So look for and strive to become a person who respects God given authority.
• Parents: you have probably heard this sage advice before, “the way a guy treats his mother is the way he will treat his wife” and we can all agree that it its true. I am not saying that a person who has had a bad relationship with his mother can’t have a good marriage, by God’s Grace, we can overcome old patterns but we need to ask “If he can’t be loving and gentle with his mother, why should he be loving and gentle with me as his wife” Do not forget to evaluate your own life. How do you relate to your parents? Can you improve the way you interact with them so you will know how to honor your future husband
• The opposite sex: there is a huge difference between genuine friendliness and flirtatiousness. Learn to distinguish between the two. No one wants to marry a flirt. Ladies, do you want to marry a man with a wandering eye? And what about yourself? Where do you stand on the friendly-flirtations scale? Do you need to change your attitude and actions towards members of the opposite sex.
• Companions: A person’s companions are the people who influence and shape him. The way a someone treats his friends is not as important as who these friends are. Who are a potential partner’s closet friends? How do these friends act? What do they value? If they’re caught up in partying and living recklessly, the person who spends time with them will probably share those pursuits. What about your companions? Are you pursuing relationships with people who encourage you in your walk with the Lord? Or do your friends drag you down? Do not underestimate how much close friends shape your character.

Personal Discipline: the third window to character is how a person disciplines and conducts his personal life. Habit is the greater part of nature. The things we do involuntarily almost without thinking reveal our character. Everyone has habits that another person will find silly or irritating. Instead of concerning ourselves with certain issues, we need examine whether a potential spouse (or we ourselves) fosters habits that are disobedient to God or that reveal a deeper disregard for others. Watch the following habits closely in your life partner and in your own life too;

• How a person uses time: the way a person spends his leisure time tells us what he values. Does he fill free time with mindless hours in front of the TV? Does this person cultivate his mind and build relationships, or does he run to the next distraction? Seek to find (and be the kind of person) who uses time wisely.
• How he handles money is one, if not the surest, indicator of character. Is the person you are observing (or are you) caught up in clothing, cars and other material things? Does this person think through purchases, or does he spend impulsively? A person’s spending habits reveal his level of responsibility.
• How he takes care of his body: we should not fault a person because of things he cannot control like height, features, and in some cases weight. Neither should we be overly concerned with the external. However, the way a person cares for his body tells us something about the person’s character.

An attitude of humility: an attitude of humility considers others needs first( see Philippians 2:3) Does the person you're interested in place the needs of others before his own? watch the small things. when he is on the basketball court, how does he act? Even in competition does he seek to serve others? Two people do not keep a marriage strong because they never make mistakes, they keep a marriage strong by maintaining an attitude of humility that is quick to confess sin, put the other first, and seek forgiveness.

An attitude of Industriousness: do no judge a person by his or her line of work, but do take note of the attitude with which this person approaches work. An attitude of industriousness is one of willingness to work at whatever task presents itself. (see Proverbs 31:7) Look for some one who energetically invests his life in something important right now. strive for this attitude in yourself too.

An attitude of Contentment and Hopefulness:  this attitude recognizes God's sovereignty in every situation. It is faith-birthed optimism that looks to God, an attitude more aware of and grateful for the evidence of God's Grace than of problems needing correction. 

Does he have complaint or praise on his lips? Does he not pick at the faults of others or consistently encourage? Does he view his circumstances with a spirit of hopelessness or does he remain confident of God's faithfulness?

Some of the characteristics and attitudes above are things that really matter in a spouse, what to look for in another person and what to work on in own lives. We should however not use these to bash the opposite sex or as an excuse to avoid marriage. No one will achieve perfection. We will never find the perfect spouse, if we did, why would he want to marry an imperfect person like you or me.

We cannot trust ourselves, and we can’t completely know the person we decide to marry, but we can trust God to guide us in our decisions and to help us follow through with our commitments.

Am Praying for you and God is crazy about you.