Why I have chosen Purity:

Why I have chosen Purity:

I got an inspiration to write this when my colleague told me a story of a girl whose boyfriend left her after 6 months of dating, reason is because she chose not to have sex with him until they are married. And most of us, just like this now heartbroken girl, which I believe she shouldn’t even be, I mean such a man isn’t even worth it… are mocked. We are made to feel that our choice is outdated, old-fashioned. We are subjected to humiliation. We are shamed. It is just as scriptures teach us:

The message of the cross is foolish to those who are headed for destruction! But we who are being saved know it is the very power of God. As the Scriptures say, “I will destroy the wisdom of the wise and discard the intelligence of the intelligent.” 1 Corinthians 1:18-19.

Purity is about more than just maintaining your virginity. We can maintain our virginity and still not enter marriage with true purity. 

Purity of mind; I am a firm believer that purity starts in the mind. What we meditate on eventually determines our actions. Pornography alters the way men view women. It devalues women, turning them into objects to be used for sexual gratification. When I met my boyfriend, one of the first questions I asked him was whether he watches porn? I mean he is a Christian, a godly man; it’s obvious he doesn’t but I wanted to be sure, of course he was so surprised that I was asking him such a question, so sweetie, you now know why I asked. I watch a lot of movies and Tv and it bothers this wonderful man, but even with these many movies, series…etc I am very selective of the dramas and shows to watch, I avoid those with sexual themes. I choose to think on things that are lovely, noble, pure, right, excellent and praiseworthy (Philippians 4:8). I choose to fill my mind with things that keep me in relationship with God. I choose purity of mind.

Purity of body; So many people ask how far they can go physically without sinning. That’s the wrong question. My sisters, instead set boundaries that will give plenty of margin, knowing that if you get close to that boundary you still won’t fall. My favorite person, Mr. JN, has been the king of setting boundaries in our relationship, he leads me and it makes it much easier for me, he is stronger in faith than I am, so I trust his lead. So my dears, can you keep your feet on the ground at all times when you spend time together? You have the answer to that…What is acceptable in a relationship comes down to a decision you two make together, a decision that must be respected by both of you. Whatever boundary you choose, make sure that it gives you plenty of margin. If you think you are standing strong, be careful (1 Corinthians 10:12).

Purity of spirit; Are you seeking God? Are you striving to know him better each day? Do you spend time in his word and in prayer regularly? Are you asking him to guide you, to give you strength? He promises us that his strength is made perfect in our weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9). He tells us that the pure in heart will see God (Matthew 5:8). Make sure that your heart is turned toward God. Perhaps you are reading this and thinking it’s too late for me. No love, its never too late, you can start today, confess and seek his forgiveness and He will throw your sins as far as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12) I did the same, and I am sure He remembers my sins no more! When he looks at me, he sees a pure woman, covered by the blood of Jesus. He has restored my virginity in his eyes! Have you confessed your sins? Have you asked forgiveness? Then your sins have been forgiven. You have been washed white as snow. He has given you a new virginity certificate.

Why have I chosen purity?

The obvious answer is because I am a Christian, and I want to please God. God tells us that our bodies are his temple and we should not defile them (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). It tells us that there should be no hint of sexual immorality (Ephesians 5:3). It tells us that the marriage bed should be undefiled (Hebrews 13:4)

But, outside of because God said so, why do I choose purity?

I am not an object: I believe that I am a valued woman, worthy of respect and honor. I believe that God created me in his image, that I am a child of the King. I believe that I deserve to be treated as a princess.

There are so many men out there treating women as objects using them for their gratification, their own selfish desires. They want sex, but they don’t want commitment. They want women to meet their needs, but then walk away when someone else more desirable comes along. (I’m sure the same can be said for women; I am simply coming from woman’s point of view.)

Having sex with multiple partners cheapens sex. Sex is meant to bond a married couple, to give them something that they share together—exclusively. If I am out having sex with different men, what is going to make my relationship with my husband any different than the relationship I have with any other man I have dated? I choose long-term satisfaction, long-term intimacy, over immediate gratification.

People who value purity as singles are more likely to value purity in marriage. Yesterday I blogged about how great my parents marriage was, yeah it was until adultery stepped in. My father was a Saint, besides Jesus, he is one of the greatest men I know, but unlike Jesus, he wasn’t perfect, through a push and encouragement from his friends, he committed adultery and it led him to an early grave. (RIP Dad…) I do not know if I will ever recover from that pain and this has had a great impact on me up to today…have struggled with trust as well because of this, even in my relationships, despite the fact that I was never serious about any of the men I dated in the past, have always made sure I am the only girl they are seeing, a cheating man; I just cannot deal... But even if adultery robbed me of my dearest daddy, I learned to guard myself against anyone especially friends that think it’s okay to have casual sex... Dating married men? I will unfriend. Enjoy indulging in porn? I’m out. Make sexual jokes? Not around me. Comment about my appearance? I will walk away.

I have learned that a focus on true purity is an essential quality in a mate. There are no guarantees in life; we are all human and are all vulnerable to falling if we aren’t guarding ourselves. But, those who put a high value on sexual purity before marriage are more likely to continue valuing purity as the years pass.

It’s my body, and it’s my choice. Purity is my choice. Purity is about deciding what is good for me and what is not. Purity is about me being in control of my body. No one has a right to make that decision, except me. And no one has a right to judge my choices about what I will or will not do with my body.

I know most of you are screaming, does this woman know what she is saying, Yes my dear, I do, I know that temptation is Real but do not let it define you… so what do you battle? Memories from the past? Urges to act out sexually? No matter what horrible thoughts come into your mind, they do not have to define you. You can't control what enters your mind, but you can control what stays there.

What happens when you have sexual thoughts and desires? Where does your mind go? Typically, it will venture into one of two unhealthy directions: 1) Nurturing the desire or 2) Nurturing shame and condemnation. Neither of these is biblical nor life giving.

1 Corinthians 10:13 is perhaps the most practical teaching on temptation: "No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it."

We can learn three things from this verse:

1. It is normal to be tempted. Even Jesus was tempted.
2. God will always provide a way of escape.
3. You must choose the way of escape.

Instead of going down the path of sin or self-condemnation, kick out the thought. You might even say to yourself out loud, "That's not who I am. That's not what I choose to think."

Are you repeatedly reminded of pornographic images from the past, you do not have to be defined by those. At times you may have to kick out those thoughts 10 times in the course of five minutes. That's OK. Keep kicking!

When we allow temptation or past failings to define us, we deny the power of Christ to make us "new creatures." Romans 6 reminds us that we were once slaves to sin. By the power of the Spirit, we now have the ability to choose righteousness.

And Ladies, just so we are clear, it takes TWO people to be on the SAME page. Amos 3:3 says that how can TWO people walk together unless they agree?? It's not enough for one person to want purity & the other person to want sex. If you are a Maureen, descent Christian lady and your boyfriend is a Farouk, Guess what, he's going to make you stumble sis. Let him go because it's much easier to pull you off the chair than it is to pull you up onto it. And again, 2 Corinthians 6:14 is very clear, Do not be yoked with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?

Do not ignore this wisdom; I do not want to see you living in regret my dear sister.

Praying For Your Future Husband

Praying for your Future Husband: 

I am privileged to have grown up in a good home, my parents had a great marriage, for some people, that is reason to want to get married and have something like what their parents have, now do not get me wrong, like those other girls, I want a good marriage like the one my parents had. But for some reason, I didn’t ever dream of getting married, I was never the commitment kind of girl, my exes can testify to this, I was never serious about anyone, always had a boyfriend because my girlfriends had one, and maybe I would have been serious about some guy I related with when I was in my mid twenties but as I was getting serious about him, he told me he had a kid and that was a deal breaker for me. So, until I met someone recently that I blogged about   here.  I hadn’t thought of settling until i met this wonderful man.

You know how most of you dreamed of “The One,” your future husband, when you were little, well for some reason; I didn’t have those fairy tale dreams, about what it would be like to be a bride. 

So Ladies, are you wondering who that special guy is and when you'll find him? Instead of dreaming like a little girl,  which you are not anymore, maybe to your daddy you still are, but as you wait to find a husband and get married, one of the best things to do right now while waiting is to pray for your future husband. BUT again, you shouldn’t just look for a husband. I want to challenge you to evaluate your desires and ask yourself what your dreams of the future are. Do you desire to get married just because you want a husband? Do you just want a guy in your life? Do you just want a boyfriend? (Any boyfriend!)  I am sure you don’t want to marry a guy just because you want a husband. In the big picture, it’s just not worth it. We have all seen and watched from other peoples marriages that the fun, excitement and romance waxes and wanes. When that happens, I am sure you don’t want to wake up next to a man whose biggest goal in life is his own happiness.  You want a guy who puts God at the top of his priority list. I hope that you will start praying over the desires of your heart and ask God to help you desire a  A Godly Man And don’t forget to pray that God will help you become the type of woman that a godly guy would want to marry.

Being Christians, we depend and live on these verses and we tend to think are promises that God will give us whatever we ask for.

Verses like Jeremiah 29:11:

'For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.’

And verses like Psalm 37:4:

Delight yourself in the Lord; And He will give you the desires of your heart.

Or, Psalm 84:11

The Lord God is a Sun and shield. The Lord gives grace and glory. No good thing will he withhold from those that walk uprightly. 

But, honestly, there are no magic verses or biblical formulas or even promises that God will give every woman a husband.

But I will say this: “Love Jesus with all your heart, soul and mind and tell him if he is all you ever have, that will be enough.” That does something to your heart — and to His. And when God becomes all we want, then we have all we want. When he becomes our First Love, we will be satisfied with only that love. When he becomes our all-in-all, we will have no need to look for anything or anyone else to complete us.

Another, amazing mystery is that, when we pray for someone else, we change. All of us were made to be loved, to give and to receive love. When your heart connects through prayer to the One who is the source of true love, you'll find that praying for your future husband will wondrously result in your heart being changed. And when your heart is changed, your life is transformed.

Perhaps you've prayed and prayed, but God hasn't answered. Your prayers seem like bulbs planted in a winter garden. Each time you check for results, all you see is barrenness, debris and frost. You doubt the warmth of your faith when you first planted the prayers in a season of light and hope.

Patience, my dear sister, nothing is wrong with your prayers. Leave all of them safely hidden with the Lord. Hold fast to the hope that He has heard and is at work in the garden of your heart. One bright morning you will be stunned when you see what God’s resurrection power has done with those requests buried so long ago.

Will you get married one day? Statistics say that you will. We all know that staying married is a whole lot more important than just getting married. How you spend this stretch of waiting and allowing God to develop His patience in you will only benefit you during the difficult times that all married couples go through.

And just as there are two people in every marriage, there are two people who are learning patience as they wait for each other. If you're having a hard time, your future husband most likely will, too. Your prayers will make a difference.

Here are 3 specific things you should pray for your future husband:

1. Pray that God keeps him from counterfeit. Especially counterfeit that looks good to him. Men always want the real deal, but there’s a lot of counterfeit. It’s hard for men to distinguish between counterfeit and the real thing?” There’s a lot of counterfeit. There’s a lot of it out here”.  Ladies, men are moved so often by what they see. Not that we aren’t. But men in particular are. So pray that he’s able to distinguish between you (the real thing) and someone that is counterfeit.
2. Pray that he’s open to God’s leading. I say it like this because your guy may not have an especially strong relationship with God when you meet him. May be your destined to meet your husband at a prayer meeting, in your local church, a conference, your cell group, i do not know, but God knows. So pray that he’s open to God’s leading in his life and in those things concerning you.
3. Pray that God is developing his character and his heart. So often we get caught up in externals. We get picky over how a man looks, the kind of job he has, the kind of clothes he wears, the car he drives. And as a result, we miss the true condition of his heart and character. A man with a good heart can easily buy new clothes if they’re outdated. Only God can change a man’s heart. 

John 14: 13 – 14 says that we can ask for anything in Jesus’ name and he’ll do it to glorify the father. So you’ll never know the possibilities in store for you unless you pray for your husband and pray over him in such a way that your request is for God’s glory. So identify what’s in your heart concerning a husband and keep praying! Keep praying and ask God to speak directly to you and give you a fresh understanding of dating to marriage – in His way and timing.

So my sister, you may have been hurt in past relationships, rejected, or mistreated. God’s timing is perfect and when it’s time your husband will come.

Focus on the Lord, and NOT just to get a man, but also to truly seek Him & get to know Him. Have you ever thought that the reason why you’re still single is because God knows that the moment He brings you someone they will become your God? Think on that!

God has a beautiful romance prepared for you. Prayer is the key to unlocking the love story… with your future husband and with God, the lover of your soul. Pray, Pray and Pray some more.

Check these out, they will be very helpful as you pray for your husband:

http://chastityproject.com/2015/08/how-to-use-the-bible-to-pray-for-your-future-or-current-spouse/

http://alovelycalling.com/prayers-for-my-future-husband/

Reasons my Christian Single Ladies can’t find their (Boaz, Joseph and David):

Reasons my Christian Single Ladies can’t find their (Boaz, Joseph and David):

Read this ONLY if you’re a mature Christian single woman. Yah you heard that right, this is for only mature Christian women. Why? Because Girls might get offended or not understand but a mature Christian woman will probably get it and take the knowledge. Christian single ladies that are ready for marriage but frustrated that they can’t find the right guy even though there seems to be options. FYI, a woman’s relationship status does not define her, so being single is not a disease or an indication of something “wrong” with her. As a daughter of God, he is working out your story beautifully, so bask in that.

So why can’t you my single Christian sisters find your Boaz, Joseph and David?

Many Christian ladies want a man that “knows where he is going”… but God’s men usually don’t have a clue:

Through the Bible…all the great men that had relationships with God and who He used and blessed….they usually didn’t have a clue about where they were going and the crazier part is even if they had a clue, their lives for a long time did not reflect that great place God said he was taking them.

• All the way from Abraham …going to a land he did not know.
• Joseph having a dream that people would bow down to him but became a slave and then a prisoner.
• David who was anointed to be King and then lived the next 15 years in the wilderness as a fugitive…
• Peter the great fisher of men who was barely able to catch fish.

These men would have had a rough time finding a wife today. Could you imagine?

• Abraham calling sister Sarah aside after church and saying “Errrmmm Sarah you know I love you right? Soooo God wants to take us somewhere …but I have no idea where. Wanna marry me and come?”
• David too. “Look baby…I really care about you and want to spend the rest of my life taking care of you… In fact, I’ve just been anointed King…buuutttt I’m kinda living in the bushes right now and on the run from the King I’m supposed to replace.”
• Or Joseph. “Look Winnie, God has shown me many dreams that people will bow down to me and I’ll be a great leader. But right now I wash dishes in Potiphar’s house and I’m a slave boy there”

God’s men don’t “always” have a direction or know the details. So stop looking for men who have it all figured out!

Here is the solution though…..here is the good news. Here is what you SHOULD be looking for:  Men who can be LED by God. (Romans 8:14) Don’t look for a man who already has the best laid plans. Look for one who knows how to follow directions from the best planner.
The Boaz, Joseph and David kind of man may not know where is going but he knows howto follow God.

Many ladies approach relationships from the perspective of “Low Risk, High Reward”: 

Meaning, they want to get the absolute best man with the least amount of risk. (And I’m not just talking about finances here) They don’t want to put themselves out there at all.

They want the man to take ALL the risks…to be utterly convinced he wants to be with them before they open up about who they really are. You know who you are…You act like YOU are the ONLY prize in the equation. He doesn’t know anything about your background but you turned into a private investigator to make sure he is good enough for you. You are financially irresponsible and an impulsive spender, you’re spending insane percentages of your income on your hair, shoes, bags, and your “package” but you want a man who knows how to make and keep money. You have not grown your faith or prayer life to where it needs to be  but you want a demon chasing, tongue speaking, Bible spitting warrior of a husband…because “he is the leader of the home”.

You’ve dated a bunch of losers that didn’t work out but he is no good because he has had several failed relationships too? You want to see him as he is but you cover yourself up in perfectly filtered Instagram pictures, hair extensions, push up bras, makeup and layers of stuff that make it impossible to see who you really are. You are lazy with not much follow-through but you want a man who can stay up all night working on a project. If he put that spotlight on you, would YOU make the cut?

In essence, many Christian ladies say they have faith but they don’t. They say that God is their source but they are lying. They say that they trust God’s will for their future but they are lying. They don’t. They put their trust in a man. What kind of job he has/can get. How much he is making or can make. They want to make sure he has the “ability to provide”. They want him to have his life utterly figured out…

David was a man after God’s heart; Joseph was revered as being a man of such great integrity. And Boaz? I can’t count the number of times that I’ve heard my single girlfriends comment on how they’re either waiting, praying or looking for their Boaz. Then I wondered, how many of us would give them the time of day in 2016?
If you want a Boaz, Joseph or David, you’re going to have to be okay not having everything perfectly figured out.

Many ladies forget that good Christian men look for women who share similar non-romantic, non-spiritual values: 

Sure he should be romantic and sure he must share those spiritual values but eerrmmm ladies…these Christian brothers are looking for those other character traits as well that speak to the OPERATION of your possible lives together. Dependability, thriftiness, work ethic, time management, hard work, follow-through and so on.

One of the first things we learn about Ruth for example, was her work ethic. (Ruth chapter 2). She knew how to pull her hair back, forget about her nails, roll up her sleeves and get on the grind. She worked really hard and even when she got the attention of the “well established guy with the sensitive heart” she didn’t stop working. She took the break that he offered her and went back to work.

That’s how you earn a man’s respect…when you can show him that what he HAS does not define who you are.

Here is the icing on that cake. Just because Ruth could get down and work, didn’t mean she couldn’t look pretty and tidy up (Ruth 3:3)
The Boaz, Joseph and David kind of man knows it takes alot more than butterflies and date nights to fulfill God’s mandate for his family.

Good Christian men know their worth too and don’t want to settle either: 

Yea ladies…men are understanding their worth a bit more too. Christian men are getting more and more comfortable attending relationship seminars and getting information about seeking God’s face for a wife. They are realizing how powerful of an impact a wife has on the outcome of their lives and ministry, and they are spending more time trying to see what is beneath the surface. They know that a woman can make or break everything. They realize that a woman’s desires can accelerate him towards purpose or derail him.

They are praying more and they are realizing that while you still remain a prize, they too are precious in God’s eyes and want to do right by him. They are realizing that a wife can make or break a man.

Yes they are praying for a Ruth but they are also praying against Delilah as well.
The Boaz, Joseph and David kind of man knows his worthtoo.

Many Christian ladies have no testimony with men:

If a man you were interested in asked someone in your church or cell group, who you are, what you are like as a person, would he hear good stories about you? Would he marry you after everything he has been told about you? Same thing happened to Ruth. (Ruth Chapter 2 from Vs 3) Boaz came back from a trip, saw Ruth and asked his Foreman “Who is that and who does she belong to”, to which the foreman answered and gave a fantastic testimony of her character. (See Boaz’s response in Vs 11)

Here is a secret ladies, you know how you like a guy and try to keep it to yourself until your girlfriends force a confession out of you? Its different with the guys, they don’t do that. The moment they think they are interested in you, they are telling someone and they are asking around about you….and they are asking their MALE friends/mentors. Because they know they will tell them like it is and of course won’t spread it all around church and make things suddenly awkward or cause all the sisters to start giving the dirty eye next Sunday.

The truth is that even Christian ladies can be toxic sometimes when it comes to how they treat men who they don’t consider a prospect. You forget that when the real prospect comes and is interested in you, he will ask other men…some who may never have approached you but who have watched you from afar, and yes some who may have had an interest in you but you didn’t like. How did you handle those situations?
The Boaz, Joseph and David kind of man looks deeper than the surface beauty. They look for testimonies of the woman’s character.

Many Christian women want a Proverbs 31 Man: 

That’s not a typo. Pick up your Bible and read Proverbs 31 again with fresh eyes… from the  perspective of the character of that woman…and you will see that those qualities are the ones that many women are looking for in a man when they should be busy developing those qualities themselves.

Single Christian men are reading that passage looking for those qualities in a woman, and women are putting that passage down and instead looking for those qualities in a man.

The Boaz, Joseph and David kind of man has read Proverbs31 and wants her.

Many Christian ladies want to be married but they are not truly ready to be led: 

They want to marry a boyfriend but not a husband. They want only a partner but not a leader. They want an emotional prenup that things will always be 50:50. They say they will concede authority to God himself but in their heart, they are not willing to be led by his representative in the home.

Men were created to lead at home. Now, with that leadership comes accountability to God meaning that God holds him accountable and will punish him first for bad leadership. But a man cannot be accountable for a woman he can’t lead….and a Christian man does not want to be over anything he can’t be accountable to God about.

The Boaz,Joseph and David kind of man is a great servant leader like Jesus Christ…but heis a born leader and he knows it.

Many young married Christian women are painting a fairy-tale picture of marriage to their single ladies:

Many young married women are doing a major disservice to single women. These young married women create a fairy-tale picture of weddings and marriage to their single friends. They love being the center of attention and talk up how dreamy it is. Perfect Instagram photos.., perfect wedding photos, expensive glamorous weddings, perfect Facebook updates, photos and so on. Is there anything wrong with that? No. It would just help a lot more when married young women keep it real with their sisters and tell them that the wedding day does not make the marriage. It would help a whole lot more if they sit their single friends down and talk about the importance of a praying wife, a strong wife, a submissive wife (to a Godly man)  and how contrary to popular opinion, the faith of a wife is both a weapon for the family and its defense as well. Instead, they get their single sisters all dreamy eyed and waiting for a perfect story and a perfect man…waiting for KalEl from planet Krypton with the big “S” on his chest and a red cape, when they should look at Clark Kent from Planet earth.
The Boaz, Joseph and David kind of man knows that thewedding is not the marriage and doesn’t want to create an impression he can’t maintain.

My Christian Single Sisters, God has a beautiful story of love written for you. Am I saying settle? No way. But I am saying look at these men through the eyes of Christ. Get your pride out of the way. Don’t define your marital success by how well your wedding day or “lifestyle” stacks up with other women.  Most importantly, start seeing yourself as a true (not just perceived) gift from God that can bring God’s favor and blessings into your husband’s life because that’s what you are. So work to BECOME that and I truly wish you a love-filled, Christ centered happy marriage when it does happen.

Why you shouldn’t have a dating type

Why you shouldn’t have a dating type

Like most of you, I also I had a “dating type” Not any more. I know most girls only want to date only the tall, dark and handsome men, career men, bad boys. But looking for a partner who has qualities you want is not terrible, but relying on your type to guide you in your dating life is problematic.

According Devon Franklin and Megan Good in their book The Wait, they highlight that “The trouble with types is that they’re really stereotypes, they’re not real people; they’re just qualities that we want in our lives.” When you focus on type you date a caricature, not a person, so those relationships are doomed.

They further advice: “Try deliberately dating out of your type and see what happens. If you’re always been attracted to tall guys, try dating shorter ones… If you’ve always been attracted to women with long hair, give one with short hair a shot. What have you got to lose? The type you’ve been dating hasn’t led to anything lasting. So it’s worth trying something new.”

Here are the other reasons you shouldn’t have a dating type:

Your Type Might Not Be What You Require in a relationship

Have you ever really asked yourself: “What do I REQUIRE to make me happy in a relationship?” Not what makes me happy, but what do I REQUIRE to be happy?”

Let’s say your type is tall, an Executive and a Masters Degree holder, but you met someone who had everything else you wanted. Do you think you could be happy in the relationship?

If you answered yes, then you would be going against your type. You don’t actually require those things.

Understanding your real requirements is so important to understanding what you want in life and a partner. Dating becomes more clear, choices become better and you’ll become happier overall. In the end, you’ll completely forget you even had a type!

Having a Type Limits Your Dating Pool 

Think about it: When you walk into a room and start looking for your type, every person who doesn’t fit your type is automatically removed from the pool.

If you were to get rid of your dating type and allow possible partners to be considered based on who they are, and get to know them to see if they fit your requirements, the game would change. Casting a wide net can be a very important component to finding a quality partner, especially as you get older.

Remember just because you don’t have a type anymore doesn’t mean you won’t get someone who has most or all of your requirements anyway. It just means you don’t make your initial dating decisions based on it, but rather you open up your mind, body and soul to find that quality partner you deserve, not want!

You Might Be Judged Just as Harshly as You Judge

If you have a dating type that focuses on superficial qualities or lacks real individual depth, do you know what the people you are going to attract are most likely looking for, too? Yep, the same thing!

“Like attracts like” is a universal dating principal that works in your life right now, whether you are aware of it or not. You have attracted the very people, situations, jobs, etc. that are presently in your life. The foundation of the principle states that whatever you focus on the most will be attracted to you right back.

If you look around and see a lot of selfish or damaged people, then you have to look no deeper than yourself to find out why. The same goes for being surrounded by happy, positive people. If you have a type, take a look at it and make sure you want to be judged the same way.

Your Type May Actually Be Influenced by Outside Forces

Many things in our lives influence us: family, friends, movies, TV, the media, to name a few. Sometimes your type is actually influenced by one or more of these groups. Have you ever brought someone you were dating around your family and taken notice to what your family said about them? Maybe they even voiced the things they liked or disliked about the person? This same scenario goes for your friends, too. (We’re looking at you) It’s hard for those things not to creep into our minds.

Not only do most of us want certain qualities in a potential partner, but it would be great if the person had qualities our family and friends wanted, too. Pressure from friends or family can be very powerful, and unless you do the work to figure out if that is the case, your type may actually also be their type.

Dating Isn’t as Fun with a Type 

Think about it: If you are able to sit across from every potential partner and not dismiss them right away because they don’t fit your type, how freeing would that be?

You will end up talking to more people, getting to know more people and learning more about people and yourself. Limiting yourself to a dating type closes you off to so many people, places and things that could bring you great joy.

Although a type may not make or break your dating life, shedding yourself from its constraints may be your first step in looking at the dating world in a new, exciting way that could change your life forever.

Guess it’s time you emulated yours truly, break that pattern to do with your type, I have never regretted doing so and I even wonder what took me so long. BUT Ladies, I have always said this and will say it again, especially my Christian girl friends, I hope that man in your life knows and loves Christ, like really…really…Loves Him, because a man that doesn’t have a relationship with God, won’t know how to have a relationship with you…If he doesn’t know God, he doesn’t know real love…

The Best Way To Respond To Silent Treatment

The Best Way To Respond To Silent Treatment

If the person you love is giving you the silent treatment, you may feel at a loss about how to get him to respond to you. Perhaps you did something that genuinely hurt his feelings but have since apologized. Maybe you don't even know why he is ignoring you, but you feel the need to find out.

The silent treatment or "stonewalling" refers to someone who is letting you know that something is wrong without telling you why. If you ask if anything is wrong, you are met with silence. There is no explanation, no response of any kind, only stony silence.

People who give the silent treatment fear conflict. Talking over issues represents confrontation, the very thing they want to avoid. By prolonging the silent treatment, they've discovered they can escape the confrontation. Better still, they can regain control and probably get an apology while they're at it. Their end goal is to restore things to the way they were.

Sometimes people can’t express their thoughts or feelings, so they clam up. Other times their emotions – anger, hurt, fear – are so strong that they simply can’t talk. Sometimes people feel that they aren’t a match for their partner verbally, so they shut down.

Why do you think your partner uses the silent treatment in your relationship? Understanding the reasons behind his behavior can help you move forward in your relationship.

Let’s start with some four common examples of silent treatment (there are more):

1. When the abuser (and make no mistake–the silent treatment is a form of abuse) gives you the cold-shoulder and refuses to speak to you for a period of time because you refuse to give-in to his demands. This is manipulating you with silence.
2.  When he gives you the cold-shoulder and refuses to speak to you because you’ve said/done something that bothers them and will not accept any reasonably sincere apology.
3. When he gives you the cold-shoulder and refuses to speak to you because you’ve said/done something that bothers him and will not even tell you what it is that you’ve said or done, leaving you powerless to make an apology. This is punishing and dis-empowering you with silence.
4. When he completely ignores what you’ve said, changing the subject or just staying silent to a question or statement that generally requires a response. This is dis-empowering you and “one-upping” you with silence.

What is the best way to respond to Silent Treatment?

Focus on yourself! If someone is not speaking to you as a passive aggressive way of hurting you, the best thing for you to do is to take really good care of yourself. Do things that are good for you, and keep your focus off of the other person and their behavior.

I also recommend you do the following things when someone is giving you the silent treatment:

• Move ahead with your own life. Do the things that are important to you, especially the things that make you feel good.

• Do not give the same "treatment" back to them. That's right, I do not suggest that you ignore them just because they're ignoring you. While your attention to them will certainly be less than usual, just be kind and courteous to them.

• Think kind thoughts of them in your mind. Every time you think of the person who has shut you out, send them love and appreciation, focusing on their very best qualities.

• Remember that they wouldn't be doing this if they didn't feel hurt or afraid in some way. Be kind in your mind.

Remember, when you give your partner the silent treatment, it makes it easier for Satan to influence you separately. The silent treatment is the loudest invitation for Satan in your relationship/marriage. Keep talking. #Together4Ever