Healing without a Goodbye:

Healing without a Goodbye:

You didn’t choose to start over, but you have no choice. It’s shocking, confusing, and heart-wrenching when your favorite person ends your relationship and you have to start over. Healing is often hard without closure…Relationship closure helps you heal by setting your mind at ease about how your love relationship unfolded. Even if you made mistakes and were part of the reason your love relationship failed, closure can make you stronger by preparing you for future love relationships. Denying an ex closure when you’re breaking up is worse than unhealthy: it’s damaging and destructive. Healing comes faster and easier when you’ve had a chance to say goodbye.

How do we let go without closure

Write a letter to your ex, expressing yourself fully: Ideally, relationship closure involves two people. many people are going out of relationships without fully talking about why they’re ending or how to move on in healthy ways. One way to deal with the end of a relationship without closure is to write the person a letter. Express everything that’s inside of you – good and bad, ugly and beautiful. The letter can be as long as you need; you can add to it for days or weeks. Should you send the letter? It depends. But — it’s important not to send the letter right away (if ever).

Acceptance: Accept the fact that your ex will not give you the closure you need. If he has decided to cut off all communication with you, just accept it, I know it’s the hardest thing to come to terms with but you need to stop looking, searching, and yearning for it and come to terms that the closure you want from him will not come.

Turn your love into hate: Being a Christian I know this is not acceptable and it’s probably a cruel piece of advice, but love eventually leads to hate and the best way to get over the runaway man is by hating him.

You have every right to be bitter: As long as this is temporary and lasts up to the period when you've finally been able to flush him out of your system, be as bitter about the breakup, the memories attached to it, and the man himself without any guilt.

Big Girls Do cry: Cry as much as you need to. Don’t let ANYONE tell you that you shouldn't“waste you tears” because you need to relieve all that frustration and the best way to do that is by allowing yourself to feel all of the emotions attached to a breakup without closure. So cry, even if it’s for weeks. Some days will be better than others, It’s also okay to have those emotional occasional cries here and there. With every tear, you’ll realize that you get a #little bit stronger. So grab a box of tissues and let it rain.

Change your environment: If your ex moved out of the house, you might consider finding a new place to live. Saying goodbye without relationship closure might be easier if you’re in an entirely new place. Remember, however, that “wherever you go, there you are.” We don’t leave our emotional baggage behind when we leave a geographical or physical location, do we? So the idea of changing your environment may or may not be helpful, depending on your circumstances.

 

Explore a different lifestyle: One of the best ways to deal with anything in life is to pursue spiritual and emotional health. Re-establish your relationship with God, read books about healing without relationship closure, blogs, connect with people who uplift and respect you.

 

Make new friends: You don’t need to abandon your old friends to find relationship closure. However, you may find it refreshing to build new friendships with people who don’t know you from your “old relationship” days. Are you struggling with loneliness? I am 100% sure you are, because we all do. Making new friends is a Band-Aid for relationship closure and loneliness.

 

Recognize that you are responsible for your feelings: Nobody can “make you feel anything.” When you feel any emotion, you can choose whether to let that feeling sweep you away or derail it and put a more positive emotion in place. Those feelings of worthlessness or being unlovable are emotions you have control over – you do not have to feel that way. One way to heal after a breakup without closure is to focus on the benefits of being single. Remember that letting go of someone you love isn’t something you do once – and poof! You’re free, healed, and happy! Rather, letting go is a journey peppered with steps forward and steps backward, good days and bad days, peaks and valleys.

We are never taught how to breakup with people we love.

 

There will be moments of perpetual loneliness and others of bliss, but one thing that’s certain to me and what I will remind you is that you deserve to be with a real #man, not a counterfeit one that believes he can walk out of a woman’s life without so much as a goodbye.

In the meantime ladies–find a man who will treat you like a queen, make you smile, call you because he wants to, and–if worse and he should realize that your #relationship won’t work–a man who will have the kahunas to give you the closure you need to move forward.                                 

My Beauty of falling in love with a good man that made me a better woman:

When it comes to relationships, we all want a good man, unfortunately, many of us have to go through a number of not-so-good men before we find those that are worth it. I am glad I found that man. Though I have to admit, like most girls I had to kiss a lot of frogs before I met my prince. It’s sad, some of you are still are, but just hang in there ladies, your season of kissing frogs could be over really soon with a little patience and waiting on the Lord.

There is so much I can write about this wonderful man but below I will share just a quarter of my beauty of falling in love with a good man that that has made me a better woman today;

He motivates me to do better: when you find the right man, he will push you to be a better person without directly putting any pressure on you. He has been my motivation to rise above my limitations. I had given up in so many areas of my life, I had given up and settled for less than I deserve, but he supports me and has got me back on track.

He is profoundly interesting: most people including myself often think scientists are not fun, well well I must admit, they are…at least this one is…It’s great having someone you can lie across the couch with and never run out of things to say. This man even with his great sense of humor, he is not the kind that talks a lot, I talk more than he does, am  a woman, its only normal for us to talk more than the men but what I love is that when he the possesses worldly knowledge that's enlightening and captivating at the same time.

He was my first on many levels: when I met him, i was completely attracted to him, that was a first, was never attracted to men in the past, at some point I thought I was gay, he was also the first christian guy I was dating, most of my friends do not like church boys, but I am a christian and I was done dating non-Christians (2 Corinthians 6:14-15)  even though the combination of christian guy and scientist screamed boring, he proved me wrong. I also didn't think the church had any cute guys but he is and I am totally attracted to him, and he is not just cute he has the best smile and a beautiful soul. Things do happen but my desire is to be able to spend the rest of my life with this beautiful soul.

He has made me a patient woman: I am a first born child, have always had all the attention directed at me which also means, I get everything I want without having to wait, have always demanded to have things there and then, I always want immediate results. This good man has taught me that things do not always have immediate results. I often look at how he handles issues in a very calm, relaxed & collected manner and I am often left in owe, this is the best thing I love about him and want to be more like him every single day.

He shuts me down: I have always had my way with all the guys have dated, it was always on my terms, I was more like the leader in my past relationships. I thought I would do the same with him. And even with my strong personality, he says no to me and that makes me love him, I was like finally a man stands up to me and says no to me, it was my first...he never lets me manipulate him like I did with the other men, he is a LEADER, that's the beauty of this man.  

He makes me feel fulfilled:  the beauty of falling in love with a man that inspires you is that you won't feel like you're missing out on something or that anything greater can come along. Everything you need is right in front of you. Yes I never thought I would but he made me realize that I have all the capabilities of finding self-satisfaction.

He has led me more to God: there is nothing as good as being with a man that fears the Lord, a man that loves Jesus, I mean one that really loves Jesus and wants to live for Him, one of the greatest things any man can do for a woman is to lead her closer to God than to himself. Has that man in your life than this. He has done this for me and I love him for it. So Ladies, if your answer to the previous question is a no, run!!! Because a man that doesn’t have a relationship with God will not know how to have a relationship with you…if he doesn’t know God, he doesn’t know real love.

He has influenced my life in ways no one has in the past 29 years of my life and because of so much more and the above I respect him, Ladies, do not waste your time on a man you do not respect.

The Christian Single woman:

The Christian Single woman:

I am a first born, a first cousin, so I have so many people that look up to me, my siblings, cousins so because of this, I have done my very best to make smart decisions my entire life and this means that I have to choose the right man, a man that will be a mentor to my siblings and cousins, but most importantly, he must love God with all his heart, one that will lovingly guide me to be Christ-like, a godly man. I know most Christian girls pray for this kind of man.

Being a committed Christian girl that refuses to settle for anything less than God’s best. I would never settle for just having a man, you shouldn’t either, my dear sisters, you don’t have to settle.  And just like you pray and wait on God for just anything, do the same for your husband that is yet to come. But as you pray and wait on the Lord it’s good to know what you want but God knows best; “For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, the plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11.

I love the story of Ruth, most of us do, would you like to be a Ruth, I do. As a single Christian woman, there a number of lessons you can draw from the story of Ruth, this young woman, who overcame a bleak outlook and heartache, to find new joy, due to her unerring faith in God’s promises. Some of the things we learn from Ruth’s story are;

Keep Pressing: Ruth’s situation looked very bleak—her father-in-law, brother-in-law, and her husband died. With the loss of these men, she faced poverty and even homelessness, but Ruth refused to give in to her circumstances. She pressed on and exercised real faith; that determination led her to the brand new life God had planned for her.

Lean on Me: Ruth and her sister-in-law Orpah had lived around their mother-in-law Naomi while they were married to her sons. The women knew each other well, and were even together in their grief and negative circumstance after their husbands deaths. Who are the Orpahs and Naomis in your life? Which women know you best, and support you in your Christian journey? Rely on these figures for guidance and encouragement; remember they come in a number of forms: mother, sister, auntie, cousin, girlfriend, or grandmother.

Wait for and Work for Your Boaz: Ruth & Orpah were still young women when their husbands passed away, leaving her homeless & destitute. New husbands would provide stable homes & brighter futures for both women. Naomi urged her daughter-in-laws to return to their hometowns, where they might meet new husbands. Orpah, probably feeling out of options, agreed and left. But Ruth refused to go, telling Naomi, “don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God…” (Ruth 1:16)

She stayed with Naomi, and the two traveled to Naomi’s hometown, Bethlehem. While there, Ruth gleaned in the fields to feed herself and Naomi, and while in the fields, she met Boaz, a rich kinsman of Naomi’s. After a unique courtship, the two eventually married.

• Ruth waited for Boaz: Instead of rushing to find another husband to meet her needs, she focused on trusting God for her supply. A single Christian woman will do well to emulate Ruth in this way: wait on God to send you the husband He has prepared for you, and know that God is the supplier of all your needs, not (any) man!
• Ruth also worked for Boaz: God had it designed that Ruth met her future husband “on the job:” she met Boaz in the field while she was gleaning! She worked hard to gather a meager harvest for herself and Naomi; Ruth was a “willing worker,” who didn’t just sit around and wait for miracles to fall from the sky. A single Christian woman should remember that God is waiting for her to become ready for her “Boaz,” the husband He has for her—show Him you are ready and waiting on Him to manifest His promise by steadily working for His glory.While you wait for your Godly man, do the work of the Lord and you will be rewarded for your efforts!

When do you know it’s time to call each other boyfriend and girlfriend?

When do you know it’s time to call each other boyfriend and girlfriend?

Is it ever soon to call him your boyfriend or call her your girlfriend, does it have to take nine (9) dates, exchange of gifts or 3 months into the relationship. I mean you’ve been dating that special someone for a while now and have both established you weren’t seeing other people. You’re even calling each other pet names like “babe, sweetie, honey,…etc” you practically seeing each other every weekend, every public holiday but haven’t exclusively given each other that label.  Whether you believe in titles or not—you my friend, are in what we call…a relationship. Truthfully I don’t know about you but I call a man my boyfriend after we have had a conversation about it, just so we can all be on the same page.

But even before you wait for that talk, there are some signs to that clearly show you are boyfriend and girlfriend.

You’re sleeping together. If you’ve already done the dirty with your partner, then there’s no time like the present to make it official. Sleeping together is the emotional equivalent of saying “All bets are off,” meaning that no matter how much, or how little time has passed, if you’ve already gone that extra mile in the bedroom, then it’s never too soon to ask where your relationship stands.

You’re actually sleeping together. It’s a sad world we live in where sleeping over is a bigger relationship milestone than having intercourse. So it is that if you’re actually spending the nights consistently at each other’s apartments, then you, my friend, may just be in a relationship.

You’ve become an “us.” This doesn’t always mean a simple: He says “we” instead of “me.” Instead, does he talk about you guys in future tense? Do you make plans for upcoming weekends, host mutual get-togethers, or make sure that your separate groups of friends are inter-mingling? This is a definite sign you’re in relationship territory.

You leave other options hanging. So you’re getting other offers. If you’re getting other attractive offers and your “yes/no/maybe-so” relationship is throwing you off an answer, then you definitely need to find out what’s going on. Don’t let your non-committal crush hold you back from a real relationship, if that’s what you’re looking for.

Other options don’t always have to be romantic, either. Such as turning down offers from your BFFs. If you find yourself pining over the potential time with your guy, instead of the guaranteed night out with your girlfriends one night, then you know it’s time to start getting this “relationship” in order.

All your friends and all of his friends think you’re together. It really helps move the process along if his friends have not only met you and loved you, but they’ve also already referred to you as his girlfriend. If you’re in with the friends, there’s more of a chance you’re in with the guy. Plus, if you’ve already become good friends with his friends, they might just be willing to spill the beans about how your fella really feels about you.

You’ve met each other’s parents. Some people spend years together begging –or just the opposite– to meet the parents. If you’ve bagged an introduction after just a short while together, it may just be time to change your Facebook status!

Keep in mind that this means more than simply bumping into mom and dad while at your local coffee shop. Likely you’ve had dinner at their house or gotten to know them well enough to give you an obligatory Christmas present. This means your man talks about you enough, that they felt like they should be giving you a gift. And in the world of pre-relationship dating, this is a very good thing. 

Your “dating/non-dating” farce has lasted 6+ months. If your rendezvous has lasted six months or more, it’s time to label that baby. How can you possibly go another month and not know where you stand? Are you exclusively not seeing other people? Do you spend all of your time together with little room for other activities? Do you text and talk all day long? If it’s a yes, then what else are you waiting for?

You’ve become his event-date. If you’ve become his kissing-buddy wingman, odds are you are paving your way to relationship-ville. This means that not only do you smooch on a regular occasion, but you are also his first call for date night, local events, movie nights, and any other occasion where he needs a date.

You are BFFs. You tell each other everything. If there’s gossip or goodies to talk about, he’s the first one on your list and the same goes for him. If you truly consider each other your best friend, and you’re engaging in risky romantic behavior, then you owe it to your love life, and your friendship, to put a stamp of approval on your goings-on.

It can be awkward to be the one to initiate the “where is this going” conversation. But the awkwardness is a small price to pay when you compare it to the indefinite uncertainty of having no idea what your status is! So do any or all of the above suit your situation, maybe it’s time you had the boyfriend girlfriend talk.

Making a relationship official shouldn’t be hard work. If it’s right for you, you’ll know it without having to read between the lines.

Dealing with him blocking you on social Media:

Dealing with him blocking you on social Media:

Social media (Whatsup, Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, Viber, Instagram…etc) whatever social media platform you are on, it has taken a life of its own and many people experience a relationship with their significant other just as much via certain online platforms as they do in the real world. You profess your love to the one you deeply care for through status updates, through pictures to immortalize certain moments or showcase what your relationship is all about to your friends. You have shared everything on these platforms, nowadays people no longer have real dates, they finish everything on whatsup, by the time they meet for a real date, they already know everything about each other. So being blocked is a big deal for most people. In this piece, I have tried to explain why you’re getting blocked and how you can get him to unblock you. One thing I will emphasize though is that don’t sweat it. Just focus on you and your own personal growth and good things will soon happen!

Your ex is blocking you because he is seeking space, the least you can do is respect that;

For him to prove to you that he is no longer interested in whatever you have to say because it will not matter to him anyways, he will go out of his way to make sure he disassociates himself from you and your previous relationship.  It could also be his simple way of reassuring you that you are now single. Perhaps in a way he is also trying to convince himself that he has moved on. If your ex decides not to speak to you anymore following a breakup, he isn’t answering your calls or messages, let him be, you should actually be happy that you have no access to his social media, it’s better not knowing what is happening in his life, it will hurt but for a short while but also trust me it can be also blessing whether you are trying to move on or even if you want to get back together!

Your ex blocking you doesn’t mean that he no longer has feelings for you it simply means that he needs space! Truthfully, I know and we all know this, you don’t just stop loving someone, you can get frustrated or annoyed, be dissatisfied with how things evolve but it doesn’t mean that you stop caring for them. So just do not panic, frustrated and say hateful things to him that you will regret later, be the mature one in the situation, he may be frustrated now and could even say some mean things to you but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you anymore; just be patient with him, how he feels will quickly evolve in your favor if you do the rights things!

Every situation is unique, I do not know what happened between the two of you that led to the blocking just take a minute and look in the mirror and be honest with yourself try to figure out what led you to get blocked. May be you cheated him, blew up his phone with a million calls and texts, involved third parties in your situation, you alone knows what happened. But what I know is that if someone that at one point loved and cared for you decides to go to the extreme ends like these just to ensure you do not reach him, it usually means that he is badly hurt. You’ve caused this man great pain too and it is best to lay low for a while and to let time heal some of the wounds for both parties. No matter what, taking a step back can’t hurt at this point because you clearly went too far in one way or another!

Although it may hurt, but behave and work on yourself, he could unblock you if you do the following:

He may have blocked you but he may probably still be checking your profile or social activity, even if he blocked you! So don’t block him back out of anger because you can leverage your social media account to make your ex unblock you quicker.

Showcase your change and all the fun things that you are doing; don’t go over the top though by showing him that you are not going to wait for him forever or that you won’t let yourself feel depressed, you were in the wrong in the first place, just do not make it worse.

Don’t hesitate to do things that you always dreamed of doing; again stretch your comfort zone and be social. Then make sure you relay this on your social platforms while branding yourself in exactly the way that you are trying to evolve into!

I have said this and will say it again, Look good gal, some of you are not actually ugly your clothes are. So don’t hesitate to change your look or hairstyle and buy a few new pieces that make you feel good about yourself. Gym, join a dance class, an aerobics class, work on a revenge body.

Lastly, change your profile photo to a high quality high resolution image of you smiling, being happy or doing something that shows that you are now at peace with yourself and simply happy. If you have to do a photo shoot for this, go gal, u could use a friend with a better camera than yours, just look your best.

So sweeties, stop chasing your ex and really start to implement that advice above he will unblock you way sooner than you think! He will be curious; at the very least, he will be intrigued and want to know how you were able to bounce back so quickly…and they will unblock you to find out!

When he asks you to delete his number and not to talk to him again: Do just that!

When he asks you to delete his number and not to talk to him again: Do just that!

Yah, Ladies, I know breakups suck, they are very painful, hard…etc it’s never easy going through one and I would never wish this on any one, not even my worst enemy, not that I have any, I do not.  Relationships nowadays are not easy and as a couple disagreements will arise, its only normal for any healthy relationship, but instead of you two working through it, he makes his decision to leave you and even goes as far as telling you to delete his number and never talk to him again, this can be really tough but he has been very clear with you, do as he asked. His intentions are pretty clear, he wants nothing to do with you, and he doesn’t want you to contact him ever again, whether he has said it out of anger or not, just do as he asks.

I have said this before in my previous blog post on http://winniekasadha.blogspot.ug/2016/04/if-you-love-him-let-him-go.html there is nothing as worse as a woman running around chasing a man that doesn’t want her. Calling him non-stop a million times, sending him desperate texts, riding by his place, hangouts…etc will only make matters worse, they will only make him resent you even more. If he is a stubborn man like most men, however much you call and text, he will still not answer unless he wants to and is ready to talk to you, just respect his decision.

Sweetie, I know this can be tough but, I will tell you this, do as he asked, give him space and let him move on, he will contact you if he feels there is value in pursuing the relationship further but it won’t happen if you constantly try to talk to him. And again, do not sit around waiting for him, you will be disappointed if he doesn’t make contact, so sister gal, go out live and love, life is short.

From my own experience I have learnt that most of these things just require discipline, making a decision and sticking to it, however hard it may be, do not break it, the decision here is not to contact him, yeah I know you think his the love of your life, you’re probably so depressed, so confused, so hurt, very insecure and attached to this man but take him out of your system, block him from your mind and accept that it is really over...

Sweetie, just don’t freeze your life, just make sure you go out every weekend, have lots of fun. Have a busy social calendar and if this your Mr. love of your life realizes you have become more independent, not needy or insecure anymore, you’re the happy and sweet girl he once loved and cared for, trust me, if he really loved you and wanted a serious relationship with you, he will come back.

Good Luck!

If you Love him, let him go

If you Love him, let him go

If he leaves and you love him, you have to let him go. I know we have all heard this saying before, but it’s so true. Even if it breaks your heart, it’s better to have your heart broken now, believe me it will be much better to get over him now than let many years go by. If it’s meant to be it will, trust me on this, I have seen it over and over again with myself, friends, and so on.

Just do not sit there waiting for him to come back, and sweetie, if you wait too long, the sun will keep setting and rising and you will have not moved on. I’m not saying he won’t ever come back. Maybe he will. Maybe he won’t. I do not know your situation or your outcome. But if he has left you, you have to let him go. You have no other choice. He made his decision. He could have stayed. And he didn’t.

Men leave for basically 5 reasons I can narrow down.

• They no longer love you or want to be with you.
• You have a fight.
• They are just confused, maybe not sure, and need time alone to think it out.
• They want to cheat or are cheating.
• They are just jerks, they were with you to see what or how far they could get.

Like i said, do not sit back and wait for him, Go out and have fun, do not freeze your life because of this. I know it’s hard to have fun, but act like you are, you will have it sooner than you think. There are so many nice places to hang out in Kampala, you could even go hanging upcountry with friends for a weekend. Just do not go to the same places your ex boyfriend frequents every weekend, even if you went there, stay out of his corner. But also Kampala is small, so if he sees you out having fun and he still loves you, it’s going to hurt and bother him big time. So even if you’re broken hearted and crying inside, he doesn’t know that, put on a brave face and have your fun.

I know they say fight for what you want, BUT if what you want doesn’t want to be fought for…DO NO FIGHT.. why fight a battle you can’t win. Look I know it sounds all romantic and right to say I fought for him with everything I have, I did that once, showing up at his place un announced trying to fight for him, it doesn’t work, it will only make things worse, okay may be I do not know your situation or your man, but he isnt as nice as the one I know, i called him my saint, but even saints have limits, Don't they? Anyways, from experience, It doesn’t work, he won’t even respect that. LET HIM GO…

Any Relationship in this day and age is hard, and if both parties aren’t willing to fight for what God has brought together then LET IT GO… It is true that any door that God has opened can’t be shut BUT God doesn’t force us to be in relationships, actually he doesn’t force us to do anything… what He does give us the chance…if a man doesn’t make it work… sorry sis, GOD ISN’T GONNA FORCE HIM, YOU HAVE TO JUST LET HIM GO…

Ladies, if he leaves you for another woman, then you really have to be tough. Block him out of your mind all together. Every time you think of him just focus on something bad about him and something good about yourself, or think of the most gorgeous man alive, even if you think he is at that time, there are others.

Many times men will leave for a fling and want you back, let’s face it, some men just cheat, and sometimes you can never ever change this, even if you’re with them for years. That is up to you, but at all cost, never, ever, follow him, call the other woman, Let him go, as much as it hurts, don’t call him. Don’t ride by his hangouts, or his place, just let him go. Many times these are just flings and once he realizes this he will want you back, it’s up to you if you want him back, but many times that’s all it is, the grass is always greener on the other side, they think. You have to have the best lawn……..and you do! Maybe just not his type…

He will come back, if he doesn’t, you don’t want to make a fool out of yourself chasing or calling him. Just leave him alone and see if he misses you. If he really loves you, he will, and he will call you. There is nothing worse than a woman running around chasing a man that doesn’t want her, then his ego gets talking and not only is he bragging to all of his friends, but he is putting you down to other women.

It is hard ladies, but if he doesn’t want you there is nothing you can do to change it. Some guys just need a break, and when they are away from you, they will realize how much they miss you and how much you mean to them. They will come back to you if that’s the case, if not, it’s not, leave it be, cry and move on. There is plenty of fish in the sea. It’s not a good feeling to be with someone not knowing if they really love you, or his with you because he feels bad from your crying and begging. If they do not really love you, you don’t want them anyway, and never settle for second best, if you feel your being used, or if he only comes back because someone else doesn’t want him, tell him, to take a hike.

If a man wants to go let him and do not sit around waiting for him to come back…He’s not sitting around waiting on you. No he’s out living and loving…so it’s your turn, go live and love…DO NOT LOOSE YOURSELF IN A MAN. Men are TEMPORARY and GOD IS FOREVER…God will fix your broken heart and eventually it won’t hurt anymore and you will move on…

Check this podcast out on the Watoto Church Website, 

http://www.watotochurch.com/media/audio/6Mar16_ToHealBrokenHearted2.mp3 it changed my life, It was well delivered by Pastor Brian Abaho (Pastor Watoto Church-Kasanga). God healed my broken heart the day of this sermon and Pastor Julius’ (Pastor Watoto Church-Downtown) prayer at the end of the service turned everything around for me.

Why women Leave men they Love

Why women Leave men they Love

No woman wants to leave the man she loves. Of course, she will feel terrible about it. It takes courage and a resolute spirit to walk away. Commitment comes at a price. A woman would love it if her man stuck around, did not cause her pain and was always the ideal man she loved in the first place. For a woman to continue stay in a relationship, the man has to learn how to value the woman and make her an important part of his world. Here are some reasons why women leave the men they love:

Women Leave…

Because their man isn’t present:  As women, we tolerate a lot, it’s in our nature to do so, but all we want is a man to be physically present,  a man that is interested in spending time with us, we do not even care about the place, just be present.  Some men find time for the boys, video games, a sport…etc and always imagine we shall be there waiting. No boys, we shall not, we want partners that will work alongside us and also appreciate our presence. Ladies, have you dated a workaholic, well I have, in the past, over 3 years ago, but for some reason this man always found time for us, I would never give this man a second look if I found him on the street today but I respect that he always made time for me even with his busy schedule, I would never even have to ask him, he was just always there, but these men do not seem to exist anymore.

Boys, we do not need you to take care of us financially, yes, yes, yes boys, you heard that right, we do not need your money or your gifts, we want you to spend time with us. What a woman wants is for you to feel her, she doesn’t want absent-minded quick release sex. Just touch her with your full attention... But you’re busy. You don’t have time for this. How about five minutes? Five minutes each day. Can you commit to that? I’m not talking about extravagant dinners or nights out (although those are fine too). I’m talking about five minutes every day to be completely present to the woman you share your life with. To be completely open – hearing and seeing without judgment. Will you do that? I bet once you start, once you get a taste, you won’t want to stop.

Because they feel alone: There are so women that are in love but they do feel alone, every woman need to feel that she matters and if her man isn’t there to support her then there is no need to continue that relationship. When in a relationship women believe that the man is their entire world, yet men tend to detach quickly when they get comfortable. So boys, you should stop doing this, if you do not, we shall keep leaving you however much we love you. I am sure you all agree that it’s better to let some you love go, and be alone, than to love someone who makes you feel lonely. There are things we all can do to influence our partner to love us more and better, but ultimately we cannot control whether or not they love us. However, we can control whether or not we accept being in a relationship where we're in love but feeling alone. And that choice is the most important one of all, because we all deserve to feel loved, not alone.

Because of midlife awakening: this hits all of us differently, some of these gals have dated you boys up to 2-5 years and you still not sure you want to spend the rest of your life with her, there is still zero chance of a commitment, some of you are even cohabiting, you getting the chaw each time you want it free of charge, she is even doing your laundry, cooking for you.., etc. I do not know about you ladies but me as Winnie, I will never play wife to boyfriends, probably my very busy, but always available for me, ex can support me on this one, he had to hire an everyday maid/housekeeper to do the chores, I just couldn’t and ladies, you shouldn’t either.

So boys, when the awakening hits her, that moment when she becomes suddenly aware of what she deserves and wants, she will pack up and leave you. Boys, that gal is in her production age, probably most of her friends are married and have babies, she’s now playing auntie to these her friends’ children. But guess what, she may not say it but she also wants marriage and children, yes she is ready BUT are you? she doesn’t want to waste her time anymore, stop making her take those morning after pills, some of you have you even made these girls take up family planning and you do not even intend to marry them, why are you spoiling someone else’s wife? Are you that gal, sweetie, it’s time for you to leave him, actually run, do not keep waiting on him, he isn’t worth the wait, there is someone out there waiting for you.

Because they no longer feel sexy: Men are sexual creatures when they want sex they are ready. A woman needs intimacy, foreplay, and the feeling of being completely desired by her man. Routine is the kiss of death. A woman wants spontaneity. She craves to be romanced. Women live in their heads. Therefore, when a man is only being stimulated by porn or other women or just wants to have a release, a woman will be completely turned off. There is a moment in a woman’s life when she realizes that if her man doesn’t desire her, or makes her feel special (in and out of bed) then it’s time to move on.

So men, I guess you now know why we decide to walk away. A real woman doesn't want your money, your car and gifts, I personally grew up with everything I want and I have what i need and want, like most girls out there. So the right woman like myself, all I want is your time, effort, passion, honesty, loyalty, smile and you choosing me as your priority. 

So are you willing to work on these? That's really up to you. Just stop asking yourselves why we leave you despite the fact that we love you. I have done my best to give you those reasons above.

Ways to pray for your love life...

A must read..
Ways to pray for your love life:

I know most of you are in your late twenties like myself and are still single, some of you are actually in your thirties, okay maybe forties. And I don’t know about you, but I hate being single, especially on days such as my birthday, Valentine’s Day is overrated but still I wouldn’t want to be single on this day and… etc.

But there is so much you can do when single as you wait, use your single years to figure out where you want to go and what makes you tick.  Pursue your passions. Further your Education, I earned myself a Masters degree last year, do the same, maybe a professional course. Learn to manage your finances. Pay off all your debts. It is a struggle but instead of waiting around passively, learn to pursue life. Travel, volunteer, write books, start a blog maybe, create and have fun.  Choose to see life from the viewpoint of contentment. Serve God, bring glory to Him through your life, ministry and work.

So for those of you who may find yourself consumed by your love life- or lack thereof, here are some ways to mentally and prayerfully hand those things to the One who can actually do something about it:

Pray… 

That God would give you a relationship (Matthew 7:7) God’s word challenges us to ask and bring our needs before God.  As long as our hearts are aligned with His, there are no limits on what we can ask.  What are your deepest needs and desires when it comes to a relationship?  Let Him know. 

That He would grant you patience and insight to wait for a good one (Isaiah 40:31).  Waiting    on God is never easy, because once again, it is a reminder that we are not in control.  But through the time of waiting, ask God to change you, nourish you, and fill you so that you are empowered and prepared to take the next steps when the timing is right. 

That He would be working out anything unhealthy in your life (Jeremiah 33:8).  Some of our baggage and sin we can recognize, and some we can’t.  As you seek to enhance your love life, be sure to ask God to help you recognize and heal all the things in your life that aren’t lining up with His best.  Seek to get to the bottom of your sins, and ask for His healing power to be at work in your life.  

That He would shape your heart for nourishing interactions with others (Colossians 3:12-14).  It’s important to learn how to love, rather than simply longing to be loved.  When your heart is open to loving and edifying others the way it was meant to, your relationships will be enriched and empowered.  

That He would bring healing into your past so that you are free to embrace the present (Philippians 3:13-14).  We are called to move forward, and forget what is behind.  Sometimes, it’s easy to get stuck on our past and be paralyzed from living in the present.  No matter what kinds of things your past may hold, ask God to be at work in your past so that you are free to live in the moment and embrace your present.  

That He would protect your emotional world and give you wisdom of how to set healthy boundaries (Proverbs 4:23).  I talk a lot about guarding our hearts and how to practically do that, but how often do we actually pray about our hearts and emotional worlds?  God longs to be a part of our emotions just as much as our spiritual life.  He is a holistic God, who longs to interact with our mind, body, and soul.  Give Him a chance by opening your emotional life to Him through prayer.  

That He would open your eyes to the joy of doing sex His way (Hebrews 13:4).  It’s so easy to focus on what we can’t do before marriage, and end up harboring bitterness and resentment.  But what if we were to ask God to open our eyes to doing life His way?  What if we were to plead with Him to download His heart onto ours, so that we could truly understand what is best for our lives?  Rather than struggling with His plan, let’s ask Him to reveal His heart to ours, particularly in the area of sex and sexuality, so that we can be freed to trust Him without bitterness or regret. 

That God would be the focus of your life now and forever (Psalm 37:4).  At the end of the day, no matter how we view it, there is no gift that is greater than the Giver.   Whether we feel that or not, it doesn’t cease to be true.  May we continue to bring this request before God, so that He can turn our hearts to Him as our greatest delight and desire, because perspective has the power to change everything. 

Good Luck my peeps. But remember to Pray, Pray and Pray some more...