Is Mr. Right Taking His Time... What do you do as a Single Christian Woman?

Is Mr. Right Taking His Time…What do you do as a Single Christian Woman?

This is my second year since I recommitted my life to Christ, my testimony and how I decided to rededicate my life is a story for another day. One thing I can say out loud on any roof top is that I am fully devoted and I love Jesus, returning to Him is the best decision I ever made.

Well, are you a single Christian woman and the Mr. Right you praying for daily and fasting for at least once each week is taking his time. At least I am sure every Christian girl would like to get married, and, like most young women, you dream of marrying your best friend, loving him the rest of your days, and sharing a family, life, love, children, and the happiest and saddest of days with the man of your dreams. 

So there is that single, Christian, Godly, and wise man at your church or in your cell group that you have been eyeing for a long time now. He looks like Mr. Potential and you like him. But maybe he’s shy, and maybe it looks like he might be very s.l.o.w. to ever make that first move. Yeah, s.l.o.w. most sisters always say that the brothers are SLOW but I do not think they are, they are just patient, everything in due time sisters.

The waiting and uncertainty during this time is hard, this is a very important phase in our lives, so below is some encouragement as you wonder and wait for your Mr. Right;

1. Trust the Lord. Wait on the Lord. Pray, Pray and Pray some more. PRAY. Ask God for a spouse. Tell Him your desires, and ask Him what to do. Seek counsel, but seek your Father’s counsel most of all. People are quick to give you their opinions based on a man-made perfect love story, and that perfect love story may or may not be God’s will for your life. Be quiet and still and spend time fasting and praying before God. A good friend that I like to call my sister, Anita Aliyinza has a moving testimony on praying and fasting for Mr. Right, the Godly man. The entire story is for her to tell but all I can say is God answered her prayer. She encouraged me to do the same, pray and fast, so I picked out a day in a week to do this, you can join in my Christian sisters.
2. The dream is good, honorable and God-given, inspired by an understanding of God’s design of marriage. Your desires are good.  Are you stalking him all over social media, (Facebook, Twitter, Watsup, Snapchat, etc…) Hebrews 13:4.
3. Caution, don’t be the Ecclesiastes 7 woman about whom Solomon has warned your young man. Solomon tells Mr. Potential that he’s discovered that the woman whose heart is snares and nets and whose hands are chains is more bitter than death. He warns him that a sinner will be captured by this kind of woman. do not be a manipulative, conniving woman who does not wait on and trust God, and from whom a godly man will escape. Ecclesiastes 7:26 Instead, be the 1 Corinthians 7 girl who is concerned about the things of the Lord, pursuing what is pleasing to the Lord by being holy both inside and out (spirit and body) 1 Corinthians 7:34.
4. Christian sister, don’t forget that purity and holiness are not out of fashion with God. They are out of fashion with the world or may be with your friends, but holiness is important to God. 1 Corinthians 6 reminds you that if you are God’s, then your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you and that you are not your own. You have been bought with a price. So, glorify God with your body. If you have sinned and have not been holy both in body and spirit, then confess it to God, repent and turn from your sin, and seek His help to serve Him. Praise God for the blood of Jesus that covers all our sin.

Okay, what do you do about that shy, cute, godly, sweet, brother that you like;

• Ask God to turn the heart of Mr. Potential towards you. Pray that God would give him a love for you and by the time he asks you out, he will be head over heels for you.
• It may not feel this way, but time really is on your side. As you wait for that starry, romantic moment to burst forth, waiting and observing is good. You may look back one day on this moment and just shake your head, thanking God that He knew that Mr. Potential wasn’t your Mr. Potential after all. Our problem is usually that we run ahead of God and try to go arrange a lot of things to “help” God get it all together. Waiting, in this instance, is usually a good thing.
• Another thing to pray is that God would make Mr. Potential bold and obedient to God if God is leading him to pursue a relationship with you beyond just friendship. We all want to see that guy stick his neck out for you, girlfriend. Watch God make him a bold, determined young man once he is convinced that God is leading him your way. I promise you, you’ll love him for it more than you ever thought you could.
• Don’t be the pursuer. Make him do it. If he’s already a good friend of yours and you need or want to call him, that’s great. Give him a call. Text him on Watsup, Viber or Facebook. But you should know when you’re crossing that line and are going that extra mile since you’ve got that insane crush on him. So, my friend, back off and don’t try to manipulate the guy or God. 
• My sister, HE. IS. ABLE. God is able and willing to bless and help and guide. He doesn’t need your help, and He really means it when He says that He “is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think,” and He will do a work in your life that is worthy to bring praise to His name (Ephesians 3:20). Your future may or may not include Mr. Heart-Throb-Potential, but remember what Paul says in 1 Corinthians 2:9 about God’s plans for those who love Him:

“Things which eye has not seen and ear has not heard, and which have not entered the heart of man, all that God has prepared for those who love Him.” You have a bright future, and so do I.

Hang in there, girl. I’m praying for you today.

Things you should never do after a breakup

Things You Should Never do After a Break-up:

Breakups suck, sometimes, the aftermath can be even more confusing and emotionally draining. It's totally normal to make some questionable decisions post-split—you're feeling lost, hurt, and less confident than usual. So to help you navigate this tricky breakup world, here are some of the common landmines you'll want to avoid. 

Blow up his phone with several calls and texts per day. This is kind of like stalking, so, if he isn’t calling you back, hang up the phone. Also, you have better things to do! 

Eat your feelings. Yes, It’s good to eat good food after that break but picking up a bucket of KFC chicken or Pizza every after work and making it your daily every night thing is not healthy. Plus, it won’t make you feel better—just bloated. 

Drink your feelings.  Have been here before and trust me, no man or situation is worth you drinking your life away. You will only feel worse when you sober up, and again, a broken heart and a hangover just do not mix.

Sleep with the next guy who buys you a drink. There is nothing as risky as random hookups. I do not think any of us would want to wake up next to the stranger you met at the bar. You are worth more than this my dear sister and way too hot for that random guy.

Reconnect with other exes. Girl, you aren’t with them for a reason. Remember that time he forgot your birthday? So do not do it. It’s natural to crave something comfy right now but your ex, Girl, you can do better by urself.

Obsess over his new girlfriend. Sweetie it’s not her fault. And the best way to get over a split the healthy way is to take some responsibility for whatever part you played in the breakup, not blame it on the new gal in his life

Take it public. It’s one thing to vent to your buddies, but publicly ranting isn’t cute, not even social media, it’s the reason some of you your relationships are struggling.

Jump into another relationship right away. Everyone copes in different ways, but give yourself a little time to heal. It’s important to recognize if you’ve fully moved on first. After all, you wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with someone who’s still hung up on their ex, would you? 

Try to get back at him. Do not, I repeat, Do not, Revenge never really works. Your relationship failed to work, do not hurt yourself even more, Just move on.

Take some time for yourself. Staying busy with tons of plans can be great, but remember to give yourself time to heal and process the breakup. Remember you are pretty fantastic, with or without a boyfriend, and now is the time to think of what you want.

Here are the reasons you should never stay friends with your Ex

Here Are the Reasons You Should Never Stay Friends with Your Ex:

I have never been friends with an ex, nor do I want to be. Every time I see my best friend casually texting with her exes or catching up with one over dinner, I can’t help but ask: do we really have to stay friends with everybody?

 For anyone who’s ever gotten out of a serious relationship, you know that ending it isn’t the hardest part — the hardest part is knowing it’s over. Knowing that the whole relationship and every aspect of it is just gone. That is what has you sobbing on your couch or getting your pillow wet each night and sleeping all your weekends till your back pains. And after a few days, you start feeling lonely. Yeah, you have your girlfriends’ support, and yeah that guy is a total jerk, but you miss that jerk. You think to yourself, I can still text him. He can still be in my life. It will be okay. But NO. You can’t do that, and this is why.

You’re not moving on

Moving on can mean healing, getting back to yourself, pursuing your own interests, loving yourself again, having good boundaries. To others it could mean finding someone new and forgetting about your ex completely. Whichever way you define it. one thing still remains,the allusion of you being “just friends” can be a risky business it becomes impossible to move on from him. 

How can you move on from something you never let go of? Are we just clinging to the ghosts of your relationships and disguising them as platonic instead? Ask yourself when befriending your ex—do you have an ulterior motive? If you think a friendship is the easiest way to get the scoop on your ex’s new love life, or are looking to hook up.

Here are some of my uplifting quotes about moving on:

“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving”
-Albert Einstein

You can never cross the ocean unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore”
-Christopher Columbus

Do not be friends with that ex, it’s unhealthy for you and you’re only prolonging your heartbreak.

It is unfair to your current or potential relationships

Exes can make a great safety net. They know your favorite foods, your bra sizes, your favorite ice cream, music, all your likes and dislikes. So do not keep them around, if you’re in a new relationship, fully commit yourself to it. Keeping them around will feel like you are comparing everyone new in your life to what you had with your old flame. Remember: it didn’t work out with him for a reason.

You have seen one another naked and love it

Okay I know some of you do not love it (that naked ex) and its disgusting even thinking about it but why should you risk it, I mean we’re all human, you never know what lie he will cook up to get you in bed with him so why risk it, it’s not even worth it. And again some people believe that if you accidentally brush hands and then maintain eye contact for a few seconds too long with someone you’ve seen naked, you have to have sex with them.

Chemistry is very real, rare, and usually doesn’t go away. Why would you want to keep that kind of sexual tension around, if you claim to have no intentions of acting on it? Because you are lying to yourself! You want to act on it! Geeze…..

You’ll feel so much better when you finally get over them.

Once you come out of your little cave and look at the world without him, you’ll wish you had done it sooner. No more worrying about what to say to him and what his really thinking about you or does he miss me, too.Do not torment yourself, he is not worth it and when you cut him off, it’ll be like walking into pure freedom, my friend. I promise.

On a positive and completely self-conflicting note, staying friends is possible. Not likely, but possible. For all of those who have achieved this feat without getting scorned, kudos to you! For most of us, though, it’s better to just move on. The process can be difficult, but you’ll get there, and you’ll love it.

Good luck 

Signs you are dating Mr. Unavailable: Traumatic Love

Signs you are dating Mr. Unavailable: (Traumatic Love)

Have you ever met someone who “romantically” knocked you off your feet, well I have… you run to your girl friends, you’re not going to believe this, but I just met the man of my dreams!” But, sadly, a few months later, your conversation changed to, “I can’t believe he turned out to be so emotionally unavailable, and commitment-phobic.”

We have all met and dated men who, at first, seemed so perfect for a warm, loving relationship. But after those same “in love” people took off their rose colored glasses, we realized the person we thought was Mr. Right was really Mr. Wrong. And you may keep wondering, how did I not recognize this? How did I miss the obvious warning signs before we became intimate and gave my heart away?

Answer: it’s so easy to become intoxicated during that early infatuation stage when you meet someone who fits your pictures and seems like the perfect match. (“He’s so good-looking,” or “He has an exciting personality! Or “he’s so hot in bed!” or “He wants the same thing I want: to settle down and have children.”)

For those of us who’ve been in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable person, we know the pain of not being able to get close to the person we love.

Men can be unavailable for both healthy and unhealthy reasons. They may have suffered through a troubled childhood experience that has wounded them or they now have higher priorities such as their career or taking care of a sick parent, then, there are those who are too afraid of taking the risk of falling in love because they have been hurt too much in their previous relationships.

 Here are the signs you are dating a person who is not ready for a committed relationship with you. If your man fits all these, it may be time to ask yourself why you’re still in a relationship with him. Are you really serious about wanting to be in a committed relationship?

Sexually Fast. Beware of a person who wants to become sexually familiar quickly. Often they are seducers just looking for another conquest. Or, if they are over-focused on sex it may be because they don’t feel they have anything else to offer. Once the relationship becomes too intimate, they’ll cut and run.

A Real Charmer. If he is quick to flatter and compliment you without really knowing you. Often these people “do” charming as opposed to “being”. It’s a well-rehearsed act. Their focus is on short-term intimacy, appearing to be open, revealing and vulnerable. In reality they prefer the chase to the catch.

Complains about Past Relationships. In a discussion about their past relationships, they will degrade their former partners. Their relationship break-ups are never because of their behavior or the problems they created. The failures of their unsuccessful partnerships are always based on the faults of their exes. They lack the maturity to take responsibility for their mistakes in their past relationships.

Can’t Pass the Screen for Intimacy. Make sure to probe a new person to find out why past long-term relationships did not work and ended. Ask questions to determine whether failure occurred because of their inability to develop intimacy or other issues that would give you pause for concern.

How They Treat Others. Especially when out in public with them, notice whether they treat others with kindness or contempt. For example, if they are rude to a waiter, conductor, boda man or taxi driver, it may be indicative of their pent-up anger. This is a signal that they are a demanding and emotionally abusive people who will one day turn their anger on you.

Their Character. Avoid someone with a big ego, filled with arrogance, who tries to win favor by bragging about who they are or what they have. This is a red flag that signals their low self-esteem and lack of emotional health. Emotionally healthy people who have done some sort of personal development, by contrast, show a quiet confidence that says they can be intimate and committed despite their flaws.

Watch Out for Perfectionists. Emotionally unavailable people tend to be perfectionists, always looking for the fatal flaw or character defect that gives them permission to exit a relationship and move on. In reality, they are injured by their own self-criticism and fear of being rejected. They are so frightened of intimacy that eventually they’ll find an excuse for leaving a relationship.

Self-Centered Behavior. Beware of someone who operates the relationship as if it should revolve around them. These individuals set the agenda for a relationship, control it, and won’t be inconvenienced by having to modify their routine or the plans they’ve made. This type of emotionally unavailable person is commitment-phobic, and not relationship-oriented. They are inflexible and detest having to compromise.

Elusive Conduct. They seem to be available only when convenient for them. Your requests for more time with them are met with excuses about how hard they’re working or how tired they feel. Even after a seemingly intimate weekend, they can disappear for long periods with no regular contact. Their actions are unrelated with their words. It’s easy for them to utter an “I love you,” and then act in a way that is unloving.

So friends, you have this one life that will pass by quicker than you could ever imagine. Don’t spend it chasing, empathizing with and trying to understand someone to the point that you feel bad about you. Ever. It’s like sticking your head in the toilet and complaining about the smell. Get real about his actions and get behind you. You may be in temporary pain but you know what? You aren’t alone and you will come out on the other end with your dignity and a new-found self respect. Don’t continue to or engage in a relationship with anyone that forces you to question your sanity and worth.

You are worth so much more.

The undefined Relationship: The Dangers

The undefined Relationship: The Dangers 

Ladies I am sure none of us wants this kind of relationship, the undefined relationship, but why have most us even stayed in them? I will leave that to you to answer…You have an extremely deep connection with this man but he hasn’t put a label to it yet and each time you bring up the “what are we question” he will give you all kinds of excuses and whatever the excuses, do not listen to that bullshit gal and stop enabling him…

Ladies you must not allow a man to “free-style” in any relationship. What I mean by “free-style” is come and go as he pleases even though the relationship is in the beginning stages. If he cannot devote his time to getting to know you without distractions, no pressure but you should probably end things right there.

Here are some of the dangers of this kind of relationship;

You are never quite sure if it’s a relationship or just a hookup.

Why should you put yourself in such a painful predicament, where you have to keep wondering where you stand, what you should say, what’s okay to post on social media or tell your friends and family. Even if whatever arrangement you have, lets imagine it’s your love life is doing well, but you won’t even know if it’s going well if you don’t even know if you can call it a love life. Life is too short ladies to live your life not knowing what’s going. This is the last thing you need on your plate.

You end up assuming you’re always the one in the wrong, who isn’t behaving in accordance with what your relationship is or isn’t.

You’ll wonder if you said the right thing, the wrong thing, if what you did or how you acted is what is keeping him from committing. This isn’t healthy for you girl and again, if you are in a relationship with someone, wouldn’t you want to give your all? You wouldn’t want to kiss with half the passion, would you? I know you’re afraid of scaring this man away, but if they’re into you, they won’t be scared. They shouldn’t be, anyway. And even if they are, if they like you enough, they’ll bridge that fear.

You deserve someone who is willing to commit to you.

You should be in a relationship where there is nothing held back, all in. I’m not advocating for getting engaged the day after you meet if that’s a little too fast for your liking. But you should believe you’re worth it. Don’t settle for calling someone an ex when they were just a maybe. Better yet, don’t call someone a maybe at all. Take the leap and call them yours. And if you end up alone for right now, at least you know you’re not wasting your time on someone who could only love you at half-speed.

The undefined relationship will never work however much you work hard to make it do, so it’s about time you talked to him about having a committed monogamous relationship. Here is how you can go about it…

• Make sure that you’ve reviewed your priorities in life and that a stable, monogamous relationship is what you really need. You are risking the possibility that your partner doesn’t want the same thing, so you need to be sure of yourself before you talk him into one.

• Admit to your partner that you are human, and in order to feel secure in the situation, you have needs that your partner has to acknowledge. Yes, it sucks to admit vulnerability, I know.

• Tell your partner it’s not about labels, it’s about acknowledging each other’s needs and agreeing to take some level of responsibility for them. Ask what risks he or she is afraid of and discuss those fears together. Make it a team effort. Yes, you’re both going to have to admit that you have emotions and communicate them together. It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it.

• After this conversation, you’ll have a much better idea of where you stand. Then you can both make a decision for where to take the relationship rather than staying in this frustrating limbo together. It’s real progress. 

Good luck Ladies…

Coping after the loss of a Parent...

This picture reminds me of how strong I am, I took days after my Dad's death

Coping after the loss of a Parent:

Dealing with the loss of a parent is difficult, painful and sad for any person, no matter how old you are. I lost my father when I was just 22years of age; I was in my third (3^rd) and final year at the University. It was extremely difficult because I didn’t just loose a father, but I also lost a mentor, a person that was meant guide me through many parts of growing up. I must admit that losing my father took away the person I was inside, it changed me and I keep wondering the kind of people me and my siblings would be and the kind of life we would be living now if our Daddy  was still with us.

There is no better support system than family; we leaned on each other through this difficult time. We were three (3) of us at the University when our daddy passed and at his burial, some people kept whispering how my mother was going to handle, and each time I would hear such a comment, I would only look on and laugh at the person that had made the comment, not because our father left us with enough to last us a life time but because he had taught her and all of us exactly what to do and there is no better definition of strength and hard work than me, my mother, Mrs. Pauline Ghakasa Kasadha and my 4 siblings (Enid, Agnes, Phiona and Sam).

Here are some ways to work through your pain and sadness;

Be accepting of the pain.

The loss of your parent can easily take away your emotions and impact on who you feel you are. You won't feel the same after this loss and it is important to accept that this is a normal state.

Talk to others. 

Speak with family and friends as openly as possible. They know you are going through a really difficult time and it is important to share your emotions and fears with others. Remember that your inner circle of family members are probably experiencing similar emotions and maybe you can help one another through this devastating time. However, if you don't feel comfortable talking with family members or you feel that their own pain has locked them away from you so intensely, you should feel free to talk to your peers and people who can help.

Allow yourself to cry.

Crying is very normal. If you feel that you need to maintain a brave face in front of others, cry in your own personal space, I always cried myself to sleep and I still do each time I miss my dad. So even if it’s in your personal space or in front of others, let out, cry and yell if u need to, everybody can imagine how terrible it must be to lose a parent and they will be supportive.

Talk about who him/her.

Remember the good things about your dad or your mother and look at photos of him/her. Put together a memory album if you have too and write down all the wonderful things you have experienced together. You could also write letters to him/her about how your feeling or what you need to tell them.

Know that you will always be your parent's child. 

He may have died but you still continue to have a relationship with him/her. You will always be his/her child and he/she will always live on in your heart. So treasure the memories and be ready to share them with others as time moves on.

Visit the gravesite

Some people find comfort when they do visit, you can go there, take flowers, sit and talk to him/her. It’s often difficult visiting it is recent but if you feel you need to and can handle it, visiting could help you with the pain. Personally haven’t visited my dad’s grave in 3years because it’s difficult to go there.

I dedicate this to my loving father, my king, the late James Kasadha, dearly missed by your wife, Son, Samuel and daughters, Winnie, Enid, Agnes and Phiona. Plus your grandson, Baby Jayden.

Rest in Peace Dad. Till we meet again.

The Christian Boy Vs the Godly Man

The Christian Boy Vs the Godly Man:

I found this on my sweet Jesus blog and I thought it will be great sharing it with my fellow Godly women. Now are u dating or married to a Christian boy or a Godly man. Here is the difference between the two;

    

•       Does he say that God is his number one? Or does he actually love God more than    you?
•      Can he recite Bible verses? Or does he live them out?
•       Is he going to church? Or is he being the church?
•       Is he merely respecting your purity? Or is he protecting your purity?
•      Is he leading you closer to only himself? Or is he leading you closer to God?
•      Does he say, “I’m praying for you.”? Or does he pray with you?
•      Do you see Jesus in him?

Now, before we get too far, there is absolutely nothing wrong with your man doing the “first question things.” Nothing. In fact, I really, really hope you can answer yes to all of the first questions. But here’s my point:

If we view the first questions as the “Christian boy” and “religion” questions, then that means that answering “yes” to those is good.

Because Jesus came and fulfilled the law.

My sweet Jesus said yes, it’s totally wrong for someone to commit murder, for they will be subject to judgment. AND THEN He said that if we are even mad at a fellow brother or sister, that it’s essentially the same as murder: we are subject to judgment too. Jesus raised it to the next level. (Matthew 5:21-22)

See, when that personal, intimate relationship with God comes into play, law and religion are not only fulfilled, but raised to the next level.

So you may have a Christian boy who fulfills the religion question, and that’s good. But a Godly man will raise it to the next level.

• He will love God more than you.
• He will live God’s word out.
• He will be the church.
• He will protect your purity.
• He will lead you closer to God.
• He will pray with you.
• You will see Jesus in him.

Let’s really get down into the nitty-gritty, though.

Why are we endlessly and relentlessly seeking and praying for a spouse? What’s marriage for, in the first place?

A marriage between a man and woman represents Christ and His church.

• The unconditional love.
• The devotion.
• The adoration.
• The sacrifice.
• The joining together.

It represents how much Jesus Christ loves us: His body, His church, His bride.

Our neighbors should be able to look at our marriages and see Jesus’ love in them.  It literally all points straight back to Jesus.

Because, friends, Jesus is our ultimate love. And our ultimate lover.

Your hubby will be there to lead you closer to Jesus. To point you back to Jesus. To love and adore you like Jesus does. To show you….Jesus.

So ladies, remember that we need to love our sweet Jesus above all else, too. And we need to seek Him above all else, too.

So ladies, yes, wait on a Godly man, yes, keep your hearts set on our sweet, sweet Jesus. And He will let His will be done.

“And as the bridegroom rejoices over the bride, so your God will rejoice over you.” Isaiah 62:5

Jesus is crazy about you

 Winnie