Loosening my Grip: A lesson in giving up the Control I never thought I would:

Loosening my Grip: A lesson in giving up the Control I never thought I would:

I am a control freak, I am also a very selfish person, but my recent experience has however taught me that I do not have to be. When you lose something important or a loved one, because of being overly controlling and selfish, you will understand why it is important to let go of control, of course it should be for those that are worth it, not every Tom, Dick and Hurry.

There is a huge cost associated with being controlling, I didn’t care and had also never given much thought about my controlling character till it cost me my favorite person, a man I loved. I know it’s supposed to hurt, it does when I think about it but have decided not to and also not to whack myself about it, but instead work on getting rid of my controlling problem. This negative impact is not only on us and our well-being, but also on those we love, the people we work with, and everyone around us. It may have cost me my favorite person but here are some of the other biggest costs: Joy, Peace, Freedom, Energy, Creativity, Support, Ease, connection and love...etc

In this short time, since that misfortune, I have learnt that things go much more smoothly when I give up control when I allow them to happen instead of making them happen. Unfortunately, I’m terrible at this. But I am doing my very best to change and its working, taking it one step at a time. I do not want to use up my energy anymore trying to plan, predict, and prevent things that I cannot possibly plan, predict, or prevent. I have decided to let go of control (living in the future) and embrace the present moment.

As a recovering control freak, there are three (3) things I know for sure about trying to control things and this is because of:

• Fear - We worry that things won’t turn out, we will get hurt, bad things will happen, etc.
• Unworthiness - We don’t feel as though we deserve support, help, or for things to go our way.
• Lack of trust - We’re scared to let go, count on others, and to believe that things will be okay without us managing every aspect of the situation, relationship, conversation, etc.

Here are some ways I am practicing to let go of control:

1. I designate specific times to eliminate distractions and just be. I usually wake up at 5am for morning glory (the PowerFm Hour of Prayer) and after taking my shower and preparing for work I sit and sip on my cup of tea slowly in a quiet room, am lucky that I stay by myself so I am able to do this without destructions.  I allow myself to just be quiet and still. It’s said that in the morning hours, you get to create a peaceful state of mind that can last throughout the day. Instead of starting my day by worrying how the day will go, I try to focus on how pleasant this current moment is: just sitting there, enjoying my morning tea, feeling relaxed and at peace.
2. I do write. Writing is a good form of expression that doesn’t involve planning or outlining. I have my quiet spot at home where I sit and just put my pen to paper and I have learnt not to stop until all the words are out of my head. Usually some of the things I write do not make sense but I do it anyway because I don't want to control it. I just let all the words flow out.
3. I am practicing surrender. We often think that surrendering means giving up our identity or allowing others to rule us. But that doesn't have to be the case. I have learnt that when I surrender, I am saying to the universe that I am comfortable being led in the right direction. I am attracting my most desired outcome by letting go of the need to control it, and instead having faith that it will get done exactly as it needs to be done. Surrender literally means to stop fighting. Stop fighting with yourself. Stop fighting the universe and the natural flow of things. Stop resisting and pushing against reality. It’s not about inaction. It’s about taking action from that place of surrender. Letting go of control and surrendering not only feels better, but actually produces better results.
4. Putting my trust completely in God. For me, this is the most important of all. Prayer, surrendering it all to God is the best and most important thing in whatever situation I find myself in, besides a life worth living is a life with Christ. After all, it is the life each of us was created to live. There is nothing more fulfilling than living inside God’s will! So for me as a Christian, the process does not start with my “plans” or desires. We are called to deny ourselves. Luke 9:23 “And he said to all, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.” Galatians 5:24 “And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh, with its passions and desires.”  Yikes! That sounds hard! But don’t worry. It doesn’t end there. When we commit our lives to Christ, and let Him take control, He not only reveals to us the things we should “let go” of, but He is with us every step of the way. Matthew 28:20 says “And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.”  One of the reasons I am not as broken as I thought I would be is because have learnt to Let Go and let God.

So my friends, how controlling are you? Would you consider yourself very controlling, moderately controlling or not controlling at all? While each of us falls somewhere along the continuum of control and for some of us this is a bigger issue than it is others, but for most of the people I know and work with, control is an issue that gets in our way especially in the most important (and stressful) areas of life.

Letting go of control is about loosening our grip, allowing ourselves to be supported and trusting that things will turn out as they are meant to. Is this easy? Not always, although it can be. However, as we practice this and expand our capacity to let go, we’ll be able to release and transform a good amount of unnecessary stress, worry, and anxiety from our lives, our work and our relationships.

Good Luck

Are you chasing him and don't even know it: Letting the Man Lead

Are you chasing Him and don’t even know it: Letting the Man Lead.

If you think you’re just being “friendly” by sending him flirty texts, you could be getting in the way of the kind of courtship you desire. Yes you have fallen for that guy and maybe he likes you back so you trying hard to show him you’re interested so that he doesn’t drift away. As a result, you’re doing some of these things;

1.  Calling him to invite him to a social event you read about on Facebook or heard about from a friend or colleague at work.
2. Calling to ask why he hasn’t called you.
3. Texting him, Facebooking him, tagging him in all your tweets even the unnecessary ones, dropping by his house, or in any way attempting to initiate some kind of contact.
4. Asking him how he feels – especially asking him how he feels about you or the relationship.
5.  Inviting him to come and join you at that coffee shop, for a movie…etc, in any way acting like the social director of the relationship.

These actions might seem completely harmless and you may think you are just being friendly but it’s very important to be very cautious when reaching out especially to a potential romantic interest especially with the repeated messages. Most men look at these check-ins, invitations, and questions about the relationship as pressure or a woman taking on the role of pursuer. Some men may back off their dating efforts when they sense you are assuming a role they view as tradionally male.

It Pays to Be Patient: I know how frustrating it is to sit back and let a man take the lead. We want a man to know we’re interested in him. We want to make it easy for him to ask us out again. We want to seem enthusiastic and easygoing.  And often times this means we unintentionally chase him in the ways described above. 

It’s true that most men need validation as much as we do.  But there’s a difference between letting a man know you like him and chasing him.  When you chase a man, you don’t give him the chance to show you how he really feels about you.  So the only way to really be sure of where his heart is at is by creating the space he needs to pursue you.

Lure Him, Don’t Chase Him: for a man to feel like he wants to get closer to you, he needs to feel good around you.  And the way he feels good around you is when he pleases you.  As long as you seem happy to see him and tell him how much you enjoy his company, most man will keep coming back for more.  Stay in your feminine energy by being receptive and open to his attention.  When he sees that you are a woman who is secure in herself and doesn’t need to pursue him, he will be encouraged to step up his game so another man doesn’t beat him to the chase.

Once you are in a committed relationship with one man, letting him take the lead and continuing to be receptive to him will fuel his passion for you.  He will adore you and appreciate you, and you will be able to relax in the knowledge that you are a desirable creature he’d be a fool to take for granted.

Men don’t like to be chased or pursued. Instinctively, most men know this is their job in dating. So when you step in, it’s often a turn off. There is no resistance. No wondering if you like him or not. No striving to win you over. When you call him or ask him out early on, you take all the guess work and mystery out of the situation and a man loses interest.

What makes a man get more interested in you? When he gets invested in winning you over! so when you make yourself too available by initiating contact or asking him out, you ruin the magic and eliminate the mystery. Instead of appearing independent and confident, usually you end up looking aggressive, needy or desperate!

When you let a man lead, you can observe what he will do to win you over without your prompts. This is essential to judge his interest level. Does he take three weeks for a second date and more than a week between calls? Or does he ask you for a second date within three days? Obviously the quicker he gets in touch with you and asks you out, the greater interest he is showing. In this case, texting does NOT count.

But, as the woman, if you can’t take the wait or think it’s unnecessary to let him lead, you might make the mistake of calling and asking when you can see him again. Questions like, “Are you busy this weekend?” might slip out of your anxious lips. But experience has taught me that this is a very bad dating strategy.

Yes I know we as women have achieved greater equality in the work place, Most of the Executive Directors in this country are women, we have a woman Speaker of Parliament and maybe, Hillary Clinton will be America’s next President. And Because of this, we often think it’s perfectly fine to chase men. We want to be direct and say what is on our minds, ask a guy out, call him if we want to talk. But unfortunately dating has not caught up with work. Dating is still an ancient mating ritual based in biology. And you can’t take the DNA out of dating.

In my pursuit to understand men, I try to do a lot of reading about them and have found this in every article I read that men have a hunter instinct coded into their DNA and the hunter wants to win. He enjoys setting his sights on a woman and then doing what it takes to win her over. He wants dating you to be his idea. So ladies, yes I know it sucks, but as the woman, if you don’t wait, you can lose big time.

So, PLEASE, promise me you will not try to lead. Sit back and follow the man’s lead. If he calls, call him back. If you had fun, tell him! But do not call him, ask when you can see him again, ask if he’s busy this weekend, or ask him out for eight dates (at least six). 

And Ladies, if a man isn’t following God, he isn’t fit to lead. If he doesn’t have a relationship with God, he won’t know how to have a relationship with you. If he doesn’t know God, he doesn’t know real love…

Waiting Till Marriage... What the Bible Says, How you can do it and Why its worth it:

Waiting Till Marriage: What the Bible says, How you can do and Why its worth it:

A majority of single Christians are rejecting biblical doctrine by choosing to have sex before they are married. Sixty-one percent of self-identified Christian singles who answered a recent Christian Mingle survey said they are willing to have casual sex without being in love, while only 11 percent said they are waiting to have sex until they are married. My Christian sisters and brothers, if that survey were to be carried out and you were among the participants, would you be among the 61% or the 11%.

Why Wait: What the Bible says about Sex before marriage:

In his letter to the Thessalonian Christians Paul reveals God’s will on the issue of sex before marriage to “you in the Lord” I.e. Christians. It is important to realize that this is not limited to a particular culture of time period, because Paul says this is what he received from God who inspired the writing of Scripture (as in 2 Tim 3:16-17 explains), on “how you ought to walk and to please God (1 Thess 4:1)” If you don’t live this way you are living like the people “who do not know God” (vs 5) i.e. unbelievers. So, if a person lives this way, he should not call himself a Christian.

1 Thessalonians 4 Finally, then, brothers, we ask and urge you in the Lord Jesus, that as you received from us how you ought to walk and to please God, just as you are doing, that you do so more and more. ² For you know what instructions we gave you through the Lord Jesus. ³  For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; ⁴  that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, ⁵  not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God; ⁶  that no one transgress and wrong his brother in this matter, because the Lord is an avenger in all these things, as we told you beforehand and solemnly warned you. ⁷ For God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness.

To the Corinthians Paul lists the people who will not inherit the kingdom of God, i.e. those who go to hell. On his list are “sexually immoral” or “fornicators” which is a word meaning people who have sex before marriage! (1 Cor 6:9). This applies to anyone in any era and any culture who engage in sexual activity outside of the marriage covenant. Also 1 Cor 5:8 is a pithy injunction to abstain from all sexual immorality.

The writer to the Hebrews (who believed that sex was only for marriage, so these are not promiscuous pagans he is writing to, but legalistic Jewish converts), he reminds them that sex is limited to marriage:

Heb 13:⁴ let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.

And then of course there is Jesus’ teaching to the Jews was that having sexual desire in your heart (lust) for a woman, who is not your wife, is the same degree of sin as adultery in God’s eyes. If thinking about a woman sexually is sin, then obviously actually having sex with her would be sin.

In summary, there is absolutely no Christian group teaching in history that has held the view that sex outside of the marriage covenant is acceptable to God. Only the most immature and untaught believer could think that, and if he were a true believer he would repent immediately when reading those verses, and would not try to justify the sin in any way.

The way true believers conduct themselves is in purity. The standard for all Christians is that “not even a hint” of sexual immorality be mentioned among us, let alone acted on!

Eph 5:³ But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints. ⁴ Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving. ⁵ For you may be sure of this, that everyone who is sexually immoral or impure, or who is covetous (that is, an idolater), has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God.

On the other hand, sex in marriage is a glorious gift of God, and is to be enjoyed within the bounds of an unbreakable covenant, i.e. after the marriage vows have been made publically and legally ratified. Sex is not a sign of so-called commitment and love, it is a reward of actual legal and covenantal commitment and love.

True Love Waits. You’ve heard it before, and maybe you even signed a pledge card promising that you would “wait” until you were married to have sex. Sounds simple enough, right? But in today’s culture it’s not always as easy as it sounds. The way our society is set up these days, it is regarded as 'normal' to get into bed rather than stay out of it. So to be different from the world, you need to make some strong decisions.

If you’re committed to waiting until you get married to have sex, that's great! However, you probably need to think about how you’re going to do this. While making promises is a brilliant start, practically you may need to change some of your behaviors so that temptation doesn't overtake you.

In our sex-saturated culture, how do you live a life of purity? Here are several key steps:

Pay attention to how you dress. Though dressing modestly isn’t the only aspect of living a pure life, it’s the one people often think of first, and with good reason. The clothes you wear send a message to the people around you. I think most of us feel like, in the name of fashion, we need to show tons of skin. But that’s really hard for our brothers in the Lord. It’s hard for them to keep their minds pure when they see so much skin, we sometimes say that we are waiting (until we are married to have sex), but we are dressing in a way that is completely opposite. I once wore a short dress to church and some sisters stopped me at the church entrance and told me my dress was way too short for church, I defended myself but after getting a second opinion, I knew it was wrong of me going to church in a short dress. Lets dress modestly, it doesn’t mean we sacrificing fashion. And contrary to what some girls think, a lot of guys find this attractive. The girl that dresses modestly, to the right kind of guy, is actually way more attractive because there is more intrigue, you can still dress cute and modest. It’s just a bit more challenging. You have to get more creative.

Be careful what you watch. Living a pure lifestyle also means guarding our minds and hearts, we do this by closely monitoring the things that we watch and listen to. Watching movies that have steamy love scenes or listening to music with questionable lyrics can desensitize us and make immoral things seem “not so bad. All of us are really impacted by what we see and what we listen to, so keeping those standards high is really important but spending daily time in God’s word is also important. As we seek to fill our minds with what God says about these issues, we will be more likely to live out those principles.

Set limits in relationships. When you are in a dating relationship, discuss with your significant other what is appropriate and what is off-limits.

Talk about your plans to wait until marriage together. Work out what might be a difficult for you to stay pure - be realistic & pray about your decision. Ask others to pray for you too.

Pursue a vibrant relationship with God. All of these areas are really an outgrowth of a close relationship with God, Maintaining a vibrant relationship with the Lord is the most crucial factor in living a life of purity. If I know my Daddy, God, my Papa, is looking out for me and wants my best and He says that purity is important, then I’m going to wait. If I want to please Him with my life and waiting is the way to do it, then that’s going to be the biggest motivation because I don’t want a cloud of sin to come in between me and God. It also boils down to a matter of trust, We can trust that God’s way is the best way for us, or we can choose to trust that what the world  tells us is best. I think when we know that God loves us and He’s got the best plans for us, then we will want to live His way. I think it’s when we doubt the heart of God and doubt His love for us that we have a really hard time with living His way.

Purity and chastity seem to be virtues that have gone out of fashion. The crisis of values ​​has led many young people to see sex as the center of their dating relationship. Sexually active men are considered "winners" and women "experienced," while someone who saves him or herself in chastity is taken to be a prude, sexually incapable, or repressed by the Church. However, the reality is completely the opposite.

Here are the reasons why waiting to have sex is actually good for your relationship:

It promotes good communication in dating. When a couple practices abstinence, their communication is good because they are not just focused on pleasure but on the joy of sharing their views and experiences; and their conversations are deeper. While others may argue that physical intimacy is an easy way to relate, it overshadows other forms of communication. It is a way of avoiding the real work involved in emotional intimacy, like talking about deep personal issues and working on the basic differences between the two of you.

The friendship in your relationship grows. Physical closeness can lead you to think you are emotionally close, when in fact you are not. A romantic relationship essentially consists in cultivating a friendship, and there is no friendship without conversation and shared interests. Personal conversation creates friendships and helps us to discover one another and get to know the other’s qualities and flaws.

You feel more free to question whether you should continue the relationship. Sexual relationships have the power to strongly unite two people, and can prolong an unhealthy relationship based on physical attraction or the need for security. A person may feel "trapped" in a relationship that they would like to end, but they can’t find their way out.  A person who is not having sex can more easily break the emotional bond to the other, because there has not been such powerful intimacy on the physical level.

It encourages generosity instead of selfishness. Sexual relations in dating can lead to selfishness and a focus on self-satisfaction. They can lead people to feel like they are competing with others whom their partner may find more attractive. It fosters insecurity and selfishness, because when you get sexually intimate, the tendency is to ask for more and more.

It increases other ways to show affection. The couple who practices abstinence finds new ways to show affection; they must use inventiveness to have a good time and to demonstrate their interest in each other. The relationship becomes stronger as they have more opportunities to get to know each other’s character and habits, and learn the ways to maintain the relationship.

The couple is more likely to succeed in marriage. Research has shown that couples who have cohabited are more likely to divorce than those who have not cohabited.

To the Singles, Let’s not compromise sexually, let’s stay pure, make wise choices about guarding our hearts, avoiding the mere appearance of sin, and certainly abstaining from sexual intimacy before marriage.

Sure, you've already had sex, but you can begin waiting today. And maybe sexual sin is something you've struggled with for a long time and don't think you can just stop. So how about taking a first step and asking for God's help? Are you willing to do that? 

And so until you're married, God wants you to pursue and love Him, and to honor and love your current girlfriend and your future spouse by waiting to have sex until you're married. 

Leave your friends out of your relationships

Leave your friends out of your Relationships

Am sure most of you just like me do not have a large group of friends, truthfully at my age, I do not need a Squad, you know like the Taylor Swift Squad. In reality, all I need are just three (3) real friends, trust me even one is just good enough. I have three (3) sisters (Enid, Aggie and Phiona) that I love really much and a friend that I love the same way I love my 3 sisters (Ann Namutebi) I will always love this girl no matter what and have always secretly wished she was my blood sister, so I know the drama girls bring. It has also been proven that the larger your “close” social circle is, the more nonsense you’re signing up to deal with. These large groups are often associated with a lot of gossip and picking favorites, I am way too old to deal with that shit.

It's completely normal and healthy for couples to argue. You're two separate people, and you're going to have different opinions sometimes. But what you might not realize is that how you act post-spat can be as important to your relationship as what you say in the heat of the moment and one of the worst mistakes you could ever make is include a third party in that argument. In past relationships, I didn’t ever include my friends in my issues, until I made that terrible mistake recently, something I must admit I regret doing, it is wrong, very wrong  at every level. Do not include these friends in your business.

Here are the reasons you shouldn’t:

• When you start dating someone, it’s very important to remember that your friends have absolutely no place in that relationship. Yes your boyfriend did not sign up to date your friends. He was under the impression that you are an individual and would be dealing with your feelings alone. Now do not get me wrong ladies, there is nothing wrong with talking your feelings out with your closet friends but that’s where it should end.

• We all have to learn for ourselves, even if your closet friends think they know what’s best for us, we should never let them fight our battles. Yes they could have more experience given that they have been in more relationships than we have, but do not let them decide for you or tell you what to do. You may be close but your friend isn’t in your shoes, you’re not alike and you do not handle things the same.

• The more you involve third parties, the more things will get complicated; I do not think any of us wants complicated. Getting tight-lipped about your issues is at times the way to go. It’s between you and you man. The more you get everyone involved, the worse things will get. Even when you’re talking about positive behavior, sometimes it’s good to keep things to yourself. Sure, a few texts about how great he is can be terrific. A few calls when you’re going through a rough patch can be useful. But my very recent experience has taught me to shy away from giving my friends the complete play-by-play. I will want their advice when it’s really needed, I now don’t want them to be actively involved in any of my relationships.

On a lighter note, Like Seriously...how amazing are Jay-Z and Beyonce? They are the greatest. They kept their relationship out of the public eye for years, has any of you ever seen pictures from their wedding, or when they were dating before that marriage and you can tell they just LOVE each other.  No one even knew Queen Bey was pregnant till their baby announcement at one of the awards. I think that’s so adorable. Don’t you… I must say I am going to pick a leaf from this power couple…

The Power in Letting Go...

The Power in Letting Go…

There is no perfect place to turn when going through rough times than the Bible. Proverbs 3:5-6. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths” Jeremiah 29:11. “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope” Psalm 55:22 “Cast your cares on the LORD and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous be shaken”.

Letting go seems to be one of the most difficult things for most of us to do, yet it’s the most rewarding and freeing experience we can ever give ourselves. The ability to let go frees us emotionally, physically, and spiritually.  

Letting go does not mean to sit back and wait for something to happen.  Absolutely not.  You’re in for a huge disappointment if that’s what you believe. Letting go means to move forward with faith and confidence and without fear of failure, abandonment or rejection.  We most certainly have to take action in order to make it happen, but we can only do so by letting go.

Pastor Joel Osteen had this to say about Letting Go:

"We all go through disappointments, setbacks and things that we don’t understand. Maybe you prayed for a loved one, but they didn’t get well. Or maybe you worked hard for a promotion, but you didn’t get it. You stood in faith for a relationship, but it didn’t work out. One of the best things you can do is release it. Let it go. Don’t dwell on it anymore. If you go around wondering why things didn’t work out, all that will do is lead to bitterness, resentment and self-pity. Before long, you’ll be blaming others, blaming yourself, or even God. You may not understand what happened. It may not have been fair. But when you release it, it’s an act of your faith. You’re saying, “God, I trust you. I know you’re in control. And even though it didn’t work out my way, you said, ‘‘All things are going to work together for my good.’’ So I believe you still have something good in my future”

There is power in letting go of the past and the frustration of trying to figure everything out. When you release your questions, you are saying, “God, You are in control. I trust you.” And when you put your hope in God, that’s when He can heal your heart and lead you forward into victory."

SO are you going through a rough time right now, are you having difficulty letting go of that failed relationship, yes, it’s never easy, it takes great effort to let go of failed relationships and the first step to letting go is to, cut ties with your ex, and start enjoying your life again, follow these steps and let the healing begin.

1. Give yourself time. It's okay to mourn the end of a relationship. Whether you were together for a few months or you lived together for years, you have the right to your complicated emotions. Allow yourself to cry, yell or shout, reflect on the experience, and accept that it's really over. You could use this time to reflect. Write down your feelings in a journal, not on Facebook and really get in touch with why you're feeling that way.
2. Let your emotions loose. If you feel like crying in bed all day, go for it. If you want to cry or vent to a friend about all of your frustrations, do that too. Just remember to only do this for as long as you need to, don't rush out into a new relationship in a week just because your ex is or to make them jealous.
3. Avoid self-destructive behaviors. Taking up smoking, excessive drinking or abusing drugs just because you're feeling angry about a relationship won't do anything to help you feel better about yourself. It will only draw out the grief process, because you'll have to start from scratch. If it's a distraction you're looking for, why not make it a healthy alternative? Instead of smoking, try taking up cycling, there is a new cycling house in Kampala (Oasis Basement, a class is only 20k)  join an Aerobics class, a dance class, if you can play an instrument, do that.
4. Stop communicating with your ex. Stop texting or calling. Some of you think it’s okay to stay friends, No its not. If you need to stop hanging out with your mutual friends for a while, do it. If you really want to see them, hang out with them by making special plans. You're not being cowardly by doing this--you're just protecting yourself. Likewise, find new social places to hang out--there are plenty of bars, restaurants, and parks to check out that don't have any emotional baggage. If you run into your ex, you don't have to run in the other direction. Be mature and say hello, but you don't need to stop to have a painful conversation.
5. Get rid of things that remind you of your ex. Do a relationship spring cleaning. If you can't bear to throw them out entirely, put them in a garbage bag at the back of your closet. You could even donate them to charity. If you have a few things that belong to your ex-- sweatshirts, books, electronics--return them immediately. You can have a friend drop them off for you to minimize the pain.
6. Remodel, redecorate, make your place your own. Especially if you had been living together, get rid of old things even if they don't remind you of your ex. Move your furniture around, change the bed and buy new bed sheets if you have to. Do whatever you have to do to make your space feel new. It's important and healthy to try not to keep too many things from your lives together.
7. When you're ready, go on a date. Let your friend set you up with a mutual acquaintance. It's important to take it slow and have fun meeting new people without setting any expectations.
8. Articulate your desires for new relationships and be honest. If anything, what do you wish you might have done differently at the beginning of your last relationship? Here's your chance to start things off on the right foot. Don't be afraid to speak your mind. If any "deal breakers" pop up in the first few dates, don't ignore them just because it feels good to be dating again.

Letting go is just one aspect of the personal development journey, but a crucial part.  We will always be faced with challenges, negative thoughts and feelings, but how we respond to them will determine our reality.  By learning the art of letting go, we are transforming our entire life, inspiring those around us and allowing ourselves to experience true joy.  And without the experience of joy, what is there? 

Life is short; there's no time for letting someone who doesn't appreciate you ruin your life. Always turn to God; there is power when you surrender to God the very things you’ve been trying to take control of from him.

Good Luck!

Reasons you should stay far away from Men with Kids

This is a deal-breaker for me, yes, you heard me right. I don’t date men with kids.  The thought that this man will be tied to this woman for the rest of his life gives me some really negative energy and also the kid or kids will always come before I do, and they should, they are just kids. But why should I settle for that. Dating men with kids takes someone very selfless and someone who is good at compromising her precious partner time. Personally I like to come first. Not second, not third, not last. First.

I have dated one and I almost got married to another but I had learnt my lessons from the first experience, so I run…and I must admit there is a lot of merit to men with kids. I don’t deny that at all.  They are usually more mature and responsible and have their shit together because they have to. They are also more affectionate from what I’ve experienced.

I always say Never say Never, because anything’s possible BUT for this one, I will have to say, I will never ever date or marry a man with kids. Why should I settle for less than I know I want and deserve. I’m sure you have some deal-breakers as well … some of them might even offend.  We like what we like and it’s time to be proud of who we are and what we want.  Be true to you.

Here is why you should not date these men with kids;

1. Baby Maama Drama: Most breakups where children are involved always have drama, and why would you settle for that I don’t want to deal with someone else’s baggage.  Why should I limit my choices? Settling for something that I know won’t make me happy.  I really don’t want to play evil stepmother. Someone else’s kids shouldn’t be my responsibility.  I don’t hate kids, I love kids, I just don’t want to deal that’s all.
2. He didn’t marry his baby Maama, what makes you think your special, I remember the first guy I dated that had a kid, he used to say all sorts of bad staff about his baby maama, gave me all sorts of stupid reasons why he would never be with her or marry her, maybe he thought it’s what I needed to hear, but he was wrong, it was a great turn off for me, if your dating an excuse of a man like the one I did, it’s time to Run, Yes do run, do not just walk away, Run… I am a Christian girl, I believe sex is sacred, and if it has brought you a gift of a baby, do not look away, make it work with that woman, Marry her and ladies do not go around trapping men with pregnancies just so he can marry you.
3. If you date a man with children, you can never expect to come first. I’m a rational person, so I realize that a man’s children should and will come first. But this creates a conflict because I want to feel secure and wanted in a relationship, but if I demand greater importance than his children, then I will come off as an insensitive bitch. Why should I even settle for this?
4. Viewed as the evil woman that took their daddy away: I am lucky to have grown up in a good home, my parents had a great marriage but I also have friends from broken families, where their fathers have taken on other wives, they have step mothers and most of them resent their relationship and view their step mothers as the evil woman that took their father away from them and their mom. If you date a man with kids, then you will inevitably be deemed the hated stepmother. You’re too young and cute for this title, and no one needs a complication like this in a relationship.

There are still some few good young men left out there; your husband, the man God has for you will find you when the time is right, all u can do now is pray for your future husband & wait. Do not embark on a deadly relationship with baby issues, you should heed my warning and save yourself a headache and heartache.

Here is why most Christian Girls are still and remain Single

Here is why most Christian Girls are still and remain single:

I do not have many Christian girl friends and but from our interactions with the few, most of them desire a husband, a Christian, a Godly man but most of them are nearing their thirties and thought they would be married by now, Engaged or in a committed relationship but are not  and are on the verge of ‘settling’!

Problem is the older women they seek advice from are also not married; they tend to comfort them with stories of how they should not settle for less because God would want more for them. Most are even 40 years old, single and are not even looking to settle until God brings their Mr. Right. I am sorry friends but never in my sane mind will I seek advice on relationships from such a woman, even if you’re an elder in church. A colleague at work was telling me how they have women between the ages of 35-45 in their church that are still single. I am sure these women have met potential suitors but sent them away and responsible for being single at that age. So below are the reasons these 35-45 year olds and most Christian girls are still single;

They want Jesus…not a disciple of Jesus…but Jesus Himself:

Many Christian girls are looking for the perfect guy. They want someone who is going to complete them and be their everything! If this is you, then my question to you is this: If a man completes you and becomes your everything, then what position is Jesus taking in your life? Jesus is the one that completes you and is meant to be your everything. So, to look for completeness in a man is to make that man an idol in your life, it is to have put man above God! This will only lead to ruin because no man is perfect! Try as he might, he will disappoint you! So stop looking for someone who will not disappoint you over the lifetime you wish to be married…you will not find him. Even you, yes you…have and still disappoint many people…whether you realize it or not…whether you meant it or not. Instead of looking for perfection, look for someone who is striving towards perfection. This is a person that loves God and does not want to be conformed to the world but whose life’s purpose is to be transformed into the image of Jesus.

So my fellow Christian sisters, if you meet a person who is perfect, run away, for you will make imperfect whatever is making that person seem perfect.

 They see themselves as princesses; they do not care to prince their man:

There are many women who see themselves as awesome and incredible royalty. Many women say, I want to be treated like a princess! The issue is that they do not want their man to be a prince. They do not want to share any power or give up any control. Instead, they want their partners to take the position of a slave while treating them like a princess. The reason many women cannot let go of control is because of fear perhaps due to not dealing with the hurts of past relationships. The moment the man does not give her the power she craves, she takes it as him not treating her like a princess and so searches for greener pastures. On the other hand, many men see that while they are giving all they have, the woman is not following suit! Many women think that this is part of being pursued; many men simply see it as being disrespectful.

As a princess, you have to make sure you prince your man. Compliment him and let him know that you appreciate that he is being led by the King. Let go of the control. Taking a chance at love means you take a chance with your heart. This is because only the heart can feel love, not your head.

Christian girls like being pursued but do not want to be caught:

In the bible, the servant of Abraham went to a land far away in pursuit of a wife for Isaac. When he got there, it was Rebekah that came to the well. When he approached, she did not play games and dilly-dally. No, she said that she would not wait as her family had requested but would follow Eliezer immediately back to Isaac. When Boaz pursued Ruth, Ruth decided to show her interest by laying at his feet. See, both Rebekah and Ruth showed interest. They did not play games or play hard to get.

Ladies, if a prince has found you, then admit it and go forward as long as you have God’s blessing. I am not saying be easy, but at the same time, do not play hard to get. Just as you are a gift to him, he is also a gift to you! If a man is pursing you, do not run him away with games.

Christian girls are way too picky:

Most of you love God but don’t want Him to decide who you should marry you want to decide who to marry by yourselves. In essence, you’re telling God “forget about who you desire for me, this is the person I want to marry…now make it happen!  So it is no longer God’s will for your life but your own will for your life!

But does God not want to give us the desires of our heart? Yes…as long as it glorifies God. In fact, the scripture says: delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desires. As you delight yourself in the Lord, you will find that His desires become your desire…thus your desire will glorify God!

You must believe right now that what God wants for you is better than what you could ever want for yourself in the long run. If he is not giving you your hearts desires, it may be because you are not ready to handle your heart’s desire or because what you desire is not desirable!

Most Christian girls want a Boaz but want to remain a Delilah:

It’s obvious most of you have met many potential suitors! But every potential suitor you have met had some flaw that was fatal. One could not provide. Another could provide but was not attractive enough. The third was attractive and could provide but did not pay you enough attention. Yet, another paid you too much attention. You forget that you’re filled with flaws yourself! Most of you are so busy finding fault with everyone that you have no time to look at your own self. You’re so busy trying to find the speck in someone else’ life, you forget that the log in your eyes is blinding your vision of the truth about yourself. The truth that just like everyone else, your imperfect and need a savior as well!

Most of you cannot understand why the one’s you think are ‘perfect’ for you are not interested. Girlfriend, perhaps it is because they are not willing to ‘settle’ either.

I thank God that he did not wait for us to be perfect but settled for us. He wants us to settle for nothing less than Himself. This means that we have to take the reins off our own lives and surrender completely to His will. It seemed that Joseph settled for Mary when he married a pregnant girl…but He became immortalized in history because of it.

Are you willing to settle for God’s best for you?

Food for Thought: Maybe I cannot find Mr. Right because I am wrong in the way I see relationships